Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Pembric II

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Pembric II

  • Nominated by: Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:19, October 17, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Nom now, wait a few months, sprinkle in some objections, and voila! Hopefully, you will have raised an FA.

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:03, December 21, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 23:33, February 6, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 20:50, February 10, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Coruscantfan (Talk) 19:35, February 12, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote JangFett (Talk) 15:13, February 15, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Very nice. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:10, February 16, 2013 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Menkooroo (talk) 11:43, February 18, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Attack of the Clone
  • "When Imperial Moff Kentor Sarne was appointed to rule the Kathol sector,[3] in 2 BBY,[2] he utilized the Pembric system as a mining outpost." This is exceedingly picky, but what exactly is the 2 BBY date referring to, the preceding or following clause? It isn't immediately clear with the way the sentence is organized.
    • Ah, the first comma was not supposed to be there. Removed first comma, hopefully makes sense now.
  • Another picky one: is it "cartel" or "Cartel" when referring to the Bombaasa Cartel? I'm seeing multiple uses of both, so please make sure it's consistent.
    • Well, it should be capitalised since it's a proper name. The one insistence I left uncapitalised is refering to the cartel as a concept, rather by its actual name.
  • Same thing with "Hfredium"/"hfredium." I want to say that it should be the latter, but I'm admittedly unaware of what the usual capitalization convention is for elements.
    • Should be lower case. Altered.
  • Not an objection: there was a duplicate ref in "Locations," sourced to Crisis, that I removed. Just want to check that it was a duplicate ref and not intended to be a different one.
    • Seems fine. Probably left over from where I combined two sections.
  • Nice work. CC7567 (talk) 20:46, February 7, 2013 (UTC)
Coruscant bureaucracy
  • Under "Description" A terrestrial world, Pembric II had a temperature but warm climate, and a drizzling rain fell constantly. Did you mean "temperate" or something else?
    • Ah, yes. Changed.
  • Nominally controlled by the Galactic Empire, and later Warlord Moff Kentor Sarne, for part of the Galactic Civil War, a puppet government was installed in 8 ABY by crime lord Crev Bombaasa to take control of the planet. Context for Galactic Civil War.
    • Added.
  • Under "Imperial rule" The Imperial presence caused a downturn in criminal activity on the planet, and Pembric II's beachfront residences were affected by the rise in industrial activity. What do you mean when you say they were affected? If you can clarify.
    • Source doesn't say. The assumption is, I think, that the industrial output affected the location in terms of pollution, etc, but its not specific.
  • Under "The New Republic arrives" The New Republic delegation was assisted by Drake and four of his bouncers, who assisted them in escaping the tapcafe and took them to a small warehouse on the outskirts of the spaceport. You repeat assisted twice, can you change one of them out?
    • Changed second instance.
  • That's all, interesting read. Coruscantfan (Talk) 01:31, February 12, 2013 (UTC)
Pembric, too
  • There are a couple of typos in the leading quote for "The New Republic arrives," and I want to mention them here because I'm not sure if I should correct them or add a [sic]: "I have, perhaps, shown some slight ability to locate desire items" --- should it be "desired" items? and also " I don't like sitting on a time-bonb."
    • Indeed they should. Corrected.
  • In that same section, the end of the penultimate paragraph and the beginning of the ultimate paragraph both state that Drake takes the FarStar crew to a warehouse on the outskirts of the spaceport. Is this the same info repeated twice? If not, can the second one say something like "another warehouse" to avoid confusion?
    • Ah, no, two separate warehouses. Redlink created for the first, some clarification added.
      • Feel free to add the redlink back if you feel strongly about it, but I've changed it to a generic warehouse link since it didn't really seem notable. Menkooroo (talk) 11:43, February 18, 2013 (UTC)
  • I added a redlink to "tech district" in the History section; is there anything you could say about that district in "Locations?" Menkooroo (talk) 04:56, February 16, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 11:43, February 18, 2013 (UTC)