Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Oron Jaeger

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Oron Jaeger

  • Nominated by: —Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:23, January 10, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: First article on an Imperial.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Capital! Menkooroo 03:26, January 11, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Master Jonathan New Jedi Order (Jedi Council Chambers) 05:40, January 11, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Provided Tranner's dealies are dealt with, this is a clean article. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 10:38, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 00:42, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Very nicely done. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 06:16, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:09, January 24, 2011 (UTC)
  7. Fine-toothed comb empty. Graestan(Talk) 04:38, January 25, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Trayus
  • In the intro, can you give Bastion a little bit more context than "stronghold"? Just clarifying that it's a planet would do.
  • "Soon afterward, Imperial contacts on Socorro reported to Jaeger that the local Imperial Mission had been destroyed and that Fel's daughter, Princess Marasiah Fel, was missing and her bodyguard Elke Vetter dead." -- By calling it "the local Imperial Mission" it sounds as if the mission is on Bastion, where Jaeger is receiving the report.
  • I'm not too overly concerned with this, but if you could work this sentence into either the preceding one or following one it would help the flow: "Jaeger relayed the news to Fel."
  • That's it. Good, otherwise. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 06:18, January 11, 2011 (UTC)
    • I think I got them all. Thanks very much for the review, Trayus!—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:25, January 14, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • "Sometime after Jaeger relayed the news to Fel; the Imperial Knights Antares Draco and Ganner Krieg acted against Emperor Fel's orders and successfully rescued Princess Fel." - The semicolon here is being used improperly; this needs to be revised somehow. If anything, the part about Jaeger relaying the news to Fel should be incorporated into the sentence about the news itself. Additionally, you should mention that Fel ordered no rescue attempt before saying that Draco and Krieg defied the edict.
  • "During this time, Fel and Jaeger began planning to overthrow Darth Krayt and his Galactic Empire; the General continued working with Fel over the next several months." - Similarly to the previous objection, the semicolon makes this sentence confusing. If I'm reading it correctly, the second part is redundant.
    • Please try it, the reason the second part's there is because something, I feel, needs to be there for the Legacy 23.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:46, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
      • It's fine now, but which Fel you are referring to needs to be clarified, given that the last sentence ends with a mention of Princess Fel. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 18:27, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Project Ambition thanks you for your work. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 02:48, January 17, 2011 (UTC)
    • Anytime, Tranner, also working on Ethan Adare. Thanks for the review.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:46, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • So what happened here? The article describes how Jaeger's forces join Stazi in the attack, and in the next sentence suddenly the S-I forces are retreating. Did Jaeger's forces defeat them and force them into a retreat? Please explain what happened: "After the Sith–Imperial forces withdrew from Dac, Jaeger offered to pursue the retreating ships." Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:31, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
    • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:11, January 21, 2011 (UTC)
      • Still not exactly what I'm looking for. Did Jaeger's forces personally drive the enemy into a retreat? The article just says very ambiguously that the S-I forces were "defeated and then retreated." I want to know how it happened. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:17, January 21, 2011 (UTC)
        • OK, I gotcha. Please try it. Also, is the 20% digit in the final paragraph of EoD acceptable? I didn't add that, but I thought it was better to spell a number out as opposed to placing a digit.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:01, January 21, 2011 (UTC)
          • That looks good now. As for the percent thing, I added that to both the intro and the body. Neither way is truly "correct," it's more of a matter of stylistic preference. When many percentages are used within a text, for example, the Chicago Manual of Style suggests using "20%," but both Chicago and AP Style suggest using "20 percent" in all other cases, which is most appropriate here. I admit I'm not exactly sure why I've been using the % method in some articles :P, so I've changed it to "20 percent." Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:09, January 24, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 04:42, January 25, 2011 (UTC)