- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Novar
- Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 19:39, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Yup.
(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
Xicer9
(Combadge) 02:09, June 12, 2010 (UTC)- It never ends! Thefourdotelipsis 01:18, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Imperialles 13:57, June 19, 2010 (UTC)
- —Tommy 9281 08:04, July 3, 2010 (UTC)
Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:47, July 4, 2010 (UTC)- Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 18:56, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
Object
Xicer
Minister currently leads to a disambiguation page. Is there a specific article you were trying to link to?- Nope, guess not. I've removed the link where it occurs.
Early life: "Before his twelfth season he had already gained acceptance in the court of King Ommin, ruler of Onderon." What does "season" mean in this context?- Tales of the Jedi Companion is actually very unclear about this. It just says "Before his twelfth season...". Go figure.
- That's it actually. Nice job. Xicer9(Combadge) 22:06, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:06, June 12, 2010 (UTC)
…So You Won't Confuse it With Just Rap Music…
"Underhanded" is POV. "He became a master of the underhanded tactics of Onderonian ministers…"- Addressed.
"He became a master of the underhanded tactics of Onderonian ministers, and eventually formulated a scheme to eliminate his superior, Tolo Kad, by framing Kad for failing to plan a dinner party that the Onderonian monarchs, King Ommin and Queen Amanoa, were to attend." Is a bit of a run-on, see if you can split it up somehow or trimming some of the extraneous information.- Split it up.
- More later.—Tommy 9281 02:01, June 12, 2010 (UTC)
The infobox lists his hair color as gray but the infobox image clearly shows his eyebrows as blondish.- Heh, guess I didn't notice.
Well you still haven't corrected the problem. Sure it was blond at some point, but it was gray also.- Addressed.
- Heh, guess I didn't notice.
You mention nothing in the P&T how he went in 2 years from having a babyface to a full beard & mustache, and grayed hair, nor how much his weight appeared to have changed in that time span.- Addressed.
The Ketos hadn't come into possession of several Sith artifacts at all.I would use the "Battle of Iziz" quote in the P&A, and find a different one for the "Battle of Iziz" section.- Addressed.
The {{Twoconflicting}} template needs to be in place based on the information you have in the BtS.- Added. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:45, June 17, 2010 (UTC)
"However, soon afterward Ommin's subterranean lair was attacked by a team of Jedi, and Novar was killed." Killed by whom? Ommin? The Jedi? The Easter bunny?- If I knew, I would have said. You see his dead body, but you don't see what happened to him.
Don't get cute. He was obviously killed in the skirmish, and that needs to be made clear.- Addressed.
- If I knew, I would have said. You see his dead body, but you don't see what happened to him.
"Amanoa subsequently sent the three Jedi to retrieve Princess Galia, only for the Jedi to find that Galia had fallen in love with Beast Rider Oron Kira and that the two had married." This makes it sound like Galia fell in love with Kira during the abduction; she loved him prior to that. However, that whole bit is irrelevant to Novar anyway, so I would remove it were I you.- Changed.
As a matter of fact, the beginning of " The Battle of Iziz's" second paragraph needs to be rewritten. You can give context on the events without going into so much detail about things in which Novar is not directly involved.- Addressed.
Did you really just begin a sentence with "but?" "But when the Jedi mentioned that Galia was with them, Novar ordered the defense towers to cease firing, and allowed them to land. However, Amanoa refused the peace offering, and the Beast Riders and the Jedi attacked."- Whoops. Addressed.
"…Amanoa refused the peace offering, and the Beast Riders and the Jedi attacked." The Beast Riders and Jedi did not attack first.- Addressed.
How can a blaster shot "sever" an arm? "The shot found its mark, severing Qel-Droma's arm."- Changed to "blasted off".
"At that moment, Queen Amanoa released all of her dark power, bringing Kira to his knees." What power was this? As I recall, Kira wasn't the only one imperiled by Amanoa's power.- Yeah, but Kira is the one that concerned Novar. I didn't want to get too much into the stuff that didn't involve him as much. And I linked to the power she used.
Arca Jeth's ship has a name and an article.- Added.
"However, Arca Jeth suddenly arrived on Onderon in his ship, and used his battle meditation Force power to turn the tide of the battle. Empowered by Jeth's battle meditation…" Battle-redundancy.- Changed the second one to "confrontation".
"Kira caught Novar's blade arm as Novar launched his attack, and repelled Novar's attempt to kill him. Kira rose, and beat Novar badly." Novar-redundancy.- Addressed.
I'm having a hard time understanding why the skin field of the infobox is conspicuously absent.- Addressed. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:24, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
"However, when the Jedi mentioned that Galia was with them, Novar ordered the defense towers to cease firing, and allowed them to land. However, Amanoa refused the peace offering and lashed out at the Jedi with the dark side, prompting the Beast Riders and the Jedi to attack." However-redundancy.- Addressed.
You also have some serious however-redundancy in the intro. Please work that out.—Tommy 9281 23:44, June 18, 2010 (UTC)- Addressed.
Much of what you have in the article is taken verbatim from the TOTJ companion, and therefore falls within the boundaries of plagiarism. I'm quite surprised and dissatisfied with the level of review by our seasoned reviewers on this one, and I'll read no more until this is completely reworked.- Addressed.
I would also add a properly-sourced succession box, since Novar succeeded Tolo Kad in his position.—Tommy 9281 21:10, June 20, 2010 (UTC)- Added.
Tot-juh dig those Broadway nights
No link for the "strange wasting disease"?- No, because it wasn't actually a wasting disease. It was caused by overexposure to the dark side. I have changed the article to express this.
You should probably avoid starting a new section with "However"- Removed.
- Otherwise excellent. Good work. Thefourdotelipsis 08:21, June 14, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:36, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
Soup de jour: Imperialles
The Battle of Iziz: "arrived on Onderon on a mission from their Jedi Master, Arca Jeth. The three Jedi Knights were on a mission to" Bit redundant wording here.- Addressed.
The Battles of Iziz: "strict ban on alien races" "Alien" is POV, change to non-Human. Furthermore, the correct term in this instance is "species."- Changed.
- Solid as usual. --Imperialles 13:45, June 17, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:27, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 18:56, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
- Why do you use the audio version over the comic, given that most of our articles do the opposite? Chack Jadson (Talk) 17:38, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
- It was mostly a matter of personal preference; also, I thought it would flow better with the article, because basically all of the info surrounding it was from the audio. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:37, June 16, 2010 (UTC)