Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Nomi Sunrider

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Nomi Sunrider

(6 Inqs/5 Users/11 total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Nominated. Greyman(Paratus) 18:19, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
  2. Grand Master of the GA Order, my vote is in. Jediknight19bby (Jedi High Council Chambers) 18:29, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
  3. Good job Greyman. --Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 18:47, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
  4. Very nice. -- Ozzel 02:07, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
  5. Excellent. Chack Jadson Talk 00:49, 25 August 2007 (UTC)
  6. Wow, a copy-edit I actually enjoyed reading. Good work, Greyman. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 02:27, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:10, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 03:41, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
  9. Per Graestan :) Inqvote Gonk (Gonk!) 14:14, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
  10. Inqvote Cull Tremayne 18:09, 27 August 2007 (UTC)
  11. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 15:50, 28 August 2007 (UTC)

Object

    • From the desk of Atarumaster88
      • Ridiculously long intro. 1) It's longer than Mara Jade Skywalker's or Jaina Solo's or Starfighter combat's, which are more "notable" subjects anyway. Condense please.
        • Although I would argue that notability is a personal preference, I have condensed the intro as suggested ;) Greyman(Paratus)
          • Thank you, though I would argue that Jaina, Mara, and starfighter combat can be objectively said to play a much larger role in continuity as a whole than Nomi. ;-) Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:57, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
      • "After several years of training on H'ratth, Andur learned everything that Chamma could teach him, and instructed Andur to travel to the planet Ambria in the Stenness system to finish his Jedi training under Master Thon" Some subject-verb confusion here and I'm not sure what's meant.
      • Some sticky wording in the second para of ambush.
      • Piped link aside, we need some explanation of who Oss is when he is first encountered.
        • Fixed. Though, with the way that I wrote that specific paragraph ("Arrival on Ambria"), I believe that the deception is justified as it follows the same deception laid out in the actual comic. However, I altered the piped links, and reworded the last paragraph of "Arrival on Ambria" to give a small explanation on who Oss was and why he was on Ambria :) Greyman(Paratus)
          • That's a neg- Oss is still mentioned by name in the 3rd para and it's still not clear who he is at this point. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:57, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
            • Alright, I removed and reworded that specific part so his name is not mentioned yet. Greyman(Paratus) 23:31, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
      • Bogga and his set about . . ? Word missing
      • "the feelings darkness which was cast by the creatures cause Nomi to react." Uh . . clarify please.
      • Every description of battle meditation I've read doesn't mention causing things to kill their allies. (KotOR II, KotOR, TTT, DB: POD all describe it differently)
        • Our article on battle mediation should be modified somewhat then, to reflect that battle meditation is simply projecting an image, no matter how small, to influence events. Taken directly from pages 3-4 of Tales of the Jedi 4: The Saga of Nomi Sunrider, Part 2 → "Fortunately, Vima's mother possesses a unique talent, that comes to her on rare occasions -- concentrating in the Force, she forms an image of the two dark side dragons attacking each other -- a moment later image becomes reality! Nomi Sunrider doesn't know that her strange ability to influence events around her will one day become her greatest strength: The power of Jedi battle meditation." And another example of battle mediation being used to cause things to kill their allies which is taken from the TPB edition of Tales of the Jedi: Dark Lords of the Sith, pages 127-128 → "With great effort, Nomi forms an image of the two warriors turning against eachother…the image grows brighter as her battle meditation begins to take hold -- Like Arkanian dragons, the Tetans turn upon each other with mortal violence! The rest join in…and Nomi Sunrider walks through the slaughter to freedom!" According to the descriptions in the TOTJ appearances of Nomi, I feel that the description I provided with regards to Nomi's battle meditation is correct. Greyman(Paratus)
          • Heh, great. Well, then our article on battle meditation should be modified then, because I've always heard of it as using the Force to influence the outcome of a battle, e.g. through bolstering the "fighting spirit" and determination of one side while sapping that of the others. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:57, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
      • 1st para of Revolt on Onderon is very choppy- please reword and condense/create some new sentences. Also, numerous comma splices and "was subject of Sith torture techniques"?
        • Gonk looked over the paragraph in question, and we removed two commas. I rewrote small pieces of the paragraph, and the Sith torture thing has been reworded. Greyman(Paratus)
          • Better, but Freedon Nadd Uprising should either be linked or de-capped. That goes for the mention in the Krath uprising section also. ;-) Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:57, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
      • De-capitalize Battle in Battle meditation. I fixed some of them, but there's a bunch.
      • More detail on Nomi's and Ulic's successful attack on Ommin's stronghold to free Arca Jeth would be nice, if available.
      • Need explanation of who exactly the Krath are. A clause or sentence would suffice.
      • De-capitalize "Joint fleet" unless it is used as a proper noun.
      • Additional sectioning in Krath conflict section would be nice.
      • Loads of present tense in Krath conflict section.
      • An mdash; next to a ref tag looks bad- can that be moved or re-formatted? (Krath conflict)
        • My mistake. That was supposed to be at the end of the next sentence. Fixed now, Greyman(Paratus)
      • Comma splices throughout, particularly prevalent in next-to-last paragraph of Krath uprising.
        • Fixed due to multiple copy-edit's. Greyman(Paratus) 02:32, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
      • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:37, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
        • I believe I have dealt these specific objections. Cheers, Greyman(Paratus) 21:16, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
  2. A minor thing, but I'd like to see the stuff about her battle meditation and skill with a lightsaber moved out of personality and traits and into a powers and abilities section. It might also be worth mentioning her ability to cut people off from the Force there too. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:23, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
    • Reorganized as suggested, and expanded as well. Greyman(Paratus) 15:45, 28 August 2007 (UTC)

Comments

Approved by Inquisitorius 19:27, 30 August 2007 (UTC)

  • I did a complete rewrite and expansion of this article—so, let me introduce you all to the new and improved Mrs. Nomi Sunrider :) Greyman(Paratus) 18:19, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Note to self: I am up to "The Great Sith War". Resume reviewing there later. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:38, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Large number of small grammar and spelling errors really detract from article, which is a shame because it's an in-depth look at a major NSW and TOTJ character. Comma errors in particular. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:57, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
    • I've tapped some of my usual copy-editors to help out with this. Greyman(Paratus) 23:31, 24 August 2007 (UTC)
      • Extensive copy-edit complete. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 02:27, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
        • Gonk has done a partial copy-edit (due to computer issues), and Graestan has now preformed a full one, and I've done expansion/cleanup along the way. Greyman(Paratus) 02:31, 26 August 2007 (UTC)