- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Maw (Dark Jedi)
- Nominated by: QuiGonJinn
(Talk) 17:48, May 5, 2010 (UTC) - Nomination comments: Just a little less useless than Gorc, but just as stupid.
(4 Inqs/5 Users/9 Total)
Support
- Great job, no matter how stupid he is…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:06, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:34, May 25, 2010 (UTC)- Good stuff. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:16, May 28, 2010 (UTC)
- Not much to say about the Boltrunians. Their RPG stats are "+0 to all" --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:42, May 29, 2010 (UTC)
- Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:40, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
- Thefourdotelipsis 00:59, June 9, 2010 (UTC)
CC7567 (talk) 21:43, June 10, 2010 (UTC)- Xicer9(Combadge) 21:46, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
- Imperialles 11:39, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
Object
AdmirableAckbar
"Aboard the Vengeance, Jerec ripped the information he needed from Rahn's mind, but immediately afterward, the Jedi stole Yun's lightsaber and attacked the Dark Jedi" -> this reads a bit confusingly as to who's being attacked. You might consider revising the phrasing a bit for clarity.- Addressed.
The article occasionally lapses into general summary of events as opposed to an account of Maw. "Unexpectedly, the Jedi Master then Force-pulled..." is an example; it should be written in a more omnipresent voice or else from Maw's perspective. Kyle Katarn's arrival at Ruusan also needs to be revised to be more Maw-centric. As is it reads more like Kyle's biography; try to revise it so that Maw is the focal-point and not arriving out of nowhere, if that makes sense.There's frequent info that, in my opinion, is quite superfluous to Maw. The names of the captured Rebels, the fact that Katarn is self-taught, and that he learned from Rahn's ghost, those kinds of facts seems unnecessary to me, though it's up to you what merits inclusion or removal.- Both objections should be addressed.
Finally, a sentence on the ultimate fate of Jerec and his mission would help close out the biography, I think.#**Addressed- Otherwise excellent, good job. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:27, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:21, May 20, 2010 (UTC)
- Sorry for the delay in striking these, btw. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:16, May 28, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks. QuiGonJinn
A couple things…
The 1st paragraph in the intro says that his legs were severed, but the beginning sentence for the 2nd paragraph seems to indicate that Maw's torso was severed. Which is it?- Addressed. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:21, May 20, 2010 (UTC)
- Addressed. QuiGonJinn
In the 2nd paragraph of Early life, it states that he was mentioned in the Imperial Holovision. It was actually the final edition of the Republic Holonet news.- Addressed.
According to this, Maw's a Jedi Guardian. This should be added in the article, probably in the P&A? I already added it to the categories.- Added a small tidbit.
- Other than these, you did a good job, QuiGon.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:24, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:21, May 20, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. QuiGonJinn
Farlstendoiro
As per Insider 84, Maw was also known as "Maw the Boltrunian" during his time as a fugitive Jedi.- Addressed.
- Why don't you add it in the intro too? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:15, May 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Addressed.
Pic and Boc have longer full names that should be mentioned in their first mention.- Addressed.
Quote under "Search for the Valley" is partly in italics, partly not.- Fixed.
"a Rebel named Morgan Katarn". Couldn't you reword it to mention the full name of the Rebellion? "Morgan Katarn, a member of the anti-Imperial Alliance to Restore the Republic".- Addressed. The "anti-Imperial" part feels kinda redundant, though, so I didn't add it.
I'd like you to mention that few individuals achieved Tripzest mastery - it is mentioned in the articles of the other two Tripzesters.- Addressed.
- Hmmm... Boltrunians...Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:38, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
- I look forward to seeing them nominated )) QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:21, May 20, 2010 (UTC)
- I look forward to seeing them nominated )) QuiGonJinn
Thefourdotelipsis
I do believe that the Rebel Alliance had been replaced by the New Republic by 5 ABY. Thefourdotelipsis 10:33, May 29, 2010 (UTC)
- Addressed.
Green Tentacle
Early life: You say Jerec sought the Valley of the Jedi in order to rebuild the Empire but at this point the Empire hasn't fallen yet.- Addressed.
Should Katarn be referred to as a Jedi before he's had any formal training?- I don't see why not. He's constantly referred to as a Jedi in the game, the novelizations, and other sources describing these events. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 18:46, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
- Fair enough. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:40, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
- I don't see why not. He's constantly referred to as a Jedi in the game, the novelizations, and other sources describing these events. QuiGonJinn
And per 4dot's comment above. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:42, June 3, 2010 (UTC)
L'Imperialles
Minor stuff:
BTS: Mentioning LucasArts here just seems like needless word padding.- I think it's reasonable enough to include it. It's much like mentioning a given author in a BTS. Thefourdotelipsis
BTS: There's no reason to keep linking to Wizards.com.- Looks like there's only one link now. Thefourdotelipsis 05:06, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Well written overall. --Imperialles 19:59, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
Xicer
Just one, the caption for the last image doesn't seem to make much sense: "Maw, traveling with Sariss and Yun on Dorlo, Maw mistakenly being depicted without legs even though this takes place before the encounter with Qu Rahn." Otherwise, great. Xicer9(Combadge) 02:06, June 9, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
- I second Acky's concern that there's probably a bit of superfluous info in there, but otherwise, nice job, and I'll support soon. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:20, May 18, 2010 (UTC)