Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Marrt

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Marrt

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:26, January 3, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I haven't nominated anything in a while. Thought I'd start with something simple.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:00, January 10, 2011 (UTC)
  2. He needs a hug. ~ SavageBob 02:06, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Excellent. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:41, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote The amount of coughing, hacking, stuttering, and overall random speech hindrances was rather excessive in that comic. CC7567 (talk) 06:37, January 29, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote 1358 (Talk) 17:02, February 6, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:32, February 7, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Floyd
  • Some context is needed in the intro on Czerka, and later in the body.
    • Addressed.
  • Context needed on "the droidbreaker creature" in the intro.
    • Addressed.
  • In the fourth paragraph of the bio, you use the phrase "killing [insert dead guy here] instantly". Vary it up.
    • Addressed.
  • " In the end, he received major injuries to his legs, but he had managed to destroy the droids, had shackled Tarin, and had burned the facility to the ground, although Tonith escaped in his shuttle." The flow of this sentence (and, to an extent, the one following it) is off; the problem is all the "had"s. Please rewrite.
    • Addressed.
  • That's all. Good work. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:19, January 4, 2011 (UTC)
Prepare to be savaged...
  • Just a wee bit of context would be nice on the CIS and the IBC in the intro. It should be enough to say the former was the Republic's enemy in the wars, and the latter was allied with the CIS, I think.
    • Addressed.
  • "During the course of the mission, Marrt's entire squad was killed by the droidbreaker, a creature indigenous to Belgaroth, but the Sergeant managed to burn the facility—but not before obtaining valuable evidence from there—and he took Tarin into custody." That's a lot of information for one sentence. Could it be broken up into two chunks and made chronological?
    • Addressed.
  • Context on Jedi Order. Again, perhaps enough to say "an organization tasked with leading the Clone Armies" or something.
    • I'm sorry, but I think that will be extraneous and will distract from the article's flow. I believe it's been discussed somewhere already, but I can't remember where and when exactly. Yes, we should provide context, but not on something that's pretty much common knowledge. While not everyone may know of IBC's ties to the Confederacy, I doubt that there are people out there who read Wookieepedia and don't know what the Jedi Order is. And if I'm wrong and there are such individuals, well, that's what links are for. Otherwise we will end up with sentences like: Marrt kept the data records with him, hoping to deliver them to the Jedi Order, which was the organization tasked with leading the Grand Army of the Republic, which was the dominant government of the galaxy, which was the gravitationally bound system of stars and planets… and so on.
      • Context on your objection. Just kidding; I have no problem with this. ~ SavageBob 02:06, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
  • "one of bounty hunter Jango Fett's clones" is a bit ambiguous; did Fett own the clones? Were the clones of his genotype? I know what you mean, but it might be worth clarifying.
    • Addresed.
  • Context on the IBC in the body too.
    • Addressed.
  • Again, perhaps note the connection between the Jedi and the Republic in the body.
    • See my point above.
  • "deserved peace" comes off as POV.
    • Addressed.
  • Finally, the battle with the creature is a bit too play-by-play. Could it be toned down a bit? Otherwise, a fine, fine job! ~ SavageBob 16:51, January 11, 2011 (UTC)
Xd1358
  • Based on Chatter, only Marrt was inside the factory; however, this article implies all four clones were: "Once on Belgaroth, the four clones discovered that the head of the facility…"
    • Addressed.
  • More of a question: Was there many droidbreakers on the planet? Your usage of "the droidbreaker" implies there was just one. I changed "the" to "a" in Chatter, but feel free to revert if incorrect.
    • I guess there were others, not that it was really addressed in the comic. So, yeah, I have nothing against your change.
  • Your Chatter nomination says Chatter tried to contact the Republic HQ but this article says "the clones" did it. Which one is correct?
    • Well, it was Chatter who actually tried to raise the headquarters on the comm, but it's not like he was operating on his own; all four clones were present there waiting for a response, so it can be said that they all tried to contact the Republic. I changed it, but I still don't think that saying who exactly operated the equipment adds anything important to the article.
  • "In the end, he destroyed the droids, shackled Tarin, and burned the facility to the ground, although Tonith escaped in his shuttle, and Marrt received major injuries to his legs during the fight." The last part of the sentence comes up a bit oddly. Perhaps that part could be merged with the previous sentence, which tells us about him fighting? 1358 (Talk) 14:14, February 5, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 20:32, February 7, 2011 (UTC)

  • Even given the nitpickiness of this issue, I'm a little hesitant about linking the "a year before" as 22 BBY, given the assumption that we have to make (that "around 21 BBY" can be treated as 21 BBY). I'm de-linking it for now to avoid any misconception, but if you do have any better ideas, please let me know. CC7567 (talk) 06:37, January 29, 2011 (UTC)
    • Nah, that's fine. I see your point here. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 10:09, January 29, 2011 (UTC)