Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Mantis Syndicate

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mantis Syndicate

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 18:38, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: If bounty hunters are scum to the galaxy, the scum among the bounty hunters think the Mantis Syndicate is scum to them.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Sorry I forgot about this one. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 22:44, September 29, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Good jorb! Menkooroo 13:12, October 12, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 00:37, October 31, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:37, November 3, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 05:07, November 10, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote — Fiolli 05:20, November 13, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Attack of the Floyd
  • Intro: "Theoretically specializing in hunting big groups of criminals such as swoop gangs or pirate organizations," What do you mean by "theoretically"? Did they actually specialize in something else? Explain.
  • In the History section, you use the credit symbol; I would prefer you just use the word "credits". The symbol links to Galactic Credit Standard, which is already linked in the body and, therefore, is an example of overlinking.
  • Context on Cradossk.
  • "The Tribunal, unfortunately, was unaware of Kael's physical aspect" What do you mean by physical aspect? Clarify.
  • Could use a good copyedit, especially for spelling; I've fixed what I've seen, but you need to go over it for good measure.
    • Pending. I'm on it. Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:09, August 3, 2010 (UTC)
    • 1st copyedit done. I'll try another, more exhaustive one during the next few days. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:45, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • Try now. I can't find anything else needing copyedit.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:52, September 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • "The owner and manager of the Syndicate was the amoral Lady Marina Mantis," Amoral is a little POV, no?
    • No, it isn't. The omniscient narrator of the RPG guide Galaxy Guide 10 unambiguously describes her as amoral. Not changed.
  • BtS could definitely do with expansion. You only mention one of its appearances; why are the other mentions of the Mantis Syndicate not worthy of inclusion in the BtS?
    • Now all of them are included. I personally think that not even the first mention is worthy of inclusion in the BtS, but I couldn't not include a BtS section.
  • That's all. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:39, August 1, 2010 (UTC)
Revenge of the Menk
  • The "in fact" in the third paragraph of the body is followed shortly by the word "fact" again, which is a bit awkward. Yeah, this is nitpicky, I know. :^P
  • "Those groups offered a valuable teamwork synergy" --- does the source specify who finds it valuable?
  • "The Tribunal, unfortunately, knew nothing about Kael..." Unfortunately is like, so POV, man. Unless it's from someone's POV ... ? If so, specify.
  • "Besides..." seems a little too casual and unencyclopedic. How do you feel about "Additionally" or something?
  • "Rinn prepared a secret camp for them in the desert." Is that Kallistas's desert? Can you make it clear?
  • "She also reduced the fees to make ends." Should that be "to make ends meet"?
    • Everything looks great! I'm just a bit confused by this one. If she was struggling to make ends meet, why would she lower the fees? Shouldn't she have raised them? What does the source specifically say here? Menkooroo 12:42, October 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • The "then again" in Notable members: Same as my "besides" objection. Seems too casual, ya know? And almost non-neutral, like you're trying to convince the reader of something.
  • BTS: I actually disagree with Floyd's objection. The bts is now just a rehash of the "Sources" section. Mentioning that they've been discussed in several sourcebooks is, IMO, OK, and the bts shouldn't be expanded simply for the sake of expanding it. If there's no real bts info, thats OK. Menkooroo 07:32, October 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • All should be done. On the last one, what about this compromise decision? BTS includes first mention and first appearance, but not the full list (I'll drop a line to Floyd to check if it's OK with him).--Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:35, October 12, 2010 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Is there a specific reason why this article is the "Mantis Syndicate" and not the "Mantis Bounty Hunter Syndicate," the latter of which appears to be the more formal title? Please clarify.
  • Can you provide some indication as to the time in which the Syndicate existed at the very beginning of the intro?
  • "every bounty hunter paid Mantis a fee": given that Lady Mantis and her Syndicate share their names, it's not clear whom or what you're referring to here. You've already done well with differentiating between the person and the organization by mentioning the former as "Lady" Mantis and the latter as the Syndicate, but here it isn't clear, so please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 03:55, October 30, 2010 (UTC)
Green Tentacle
  • Lady Mantis would be better than Lady Marina throughout and would be consistent with the sources (at least the ones I've seen). Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:34, November 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 05:20, November 13, 2010 (UTC)