- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Ludo Kressh
- Nominated by: IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 03:51, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Ol' Dong-chin Ludo is a FAN. Do your worst.
(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
—Tommy9281 
(No truth in me) 04:20, December 16, 2009 (UTC)- Grunny (Talk) 00:16, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
Chack Jadson (Talk) 01:40, December 29, 2009 (UTC)- Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 17:28, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 05:25, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
Object
- Cursory glance:
The Early life section seems a bit fluffy. It seems like you go into way too much about the the exiled Dark Jedi of the Hundred Year Darkness. And you quickly wear out the term "Sith Space".- Addressed.
"Sadow believed that the title of Dark Lord of the Sith was rightfully his, and that the Sith Empire had grown stagnant in the centuries following the banishment of the Dark Jedi who fought in the Hundred-Year Darkness" Why did Sadow believe the position was rightfully his as opposed to Ludo? Why is this sentence written from Sadow's POV?- Switched to Kressh's POV; Sadow doesn't say why he thought the position was rightfully his at the funeral, he just says "By rights it should be me!"
Also with regards to the above statement, Sadow did not believe that the Empire had grown stagnant since the banishment of the Dark Jedi who fought in the Hundred Year Darkness.- Addressed.
- More to come.—Tommy9281 (No truth in me) 08:50, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
"Kressh believed that Sadow's progressiveness was endangering the Sith's existence, while Sadow held that the title of Dark Lord of the Sith was rightfully his, and that the Sith Empire had grown stagnant." Stagnant since when?- Never stated. Sadow only yells "The Sith Empire is stagnant!"
He elaborates in his very next statement.- Addressed.
- Never stated. Sadow only yells "The Sith Empire is stagnant!"
You make no mention of the Golden Age of the Sith.- Addressed.
- Profuse underlinking in the biography.
- Addressed, I believe.
"After freeing the Daragons, Sadow was happened upon by Simus, who had heard the disturbance on the prisoner level. Sadow, using a Republic blaster obtained from the Starbreaker 12, shot and killed Simus, planting the blaster at the scene to give the impression that the Republic had been responsible for freeing the Daragons and murdering Simus." This reads like its from Sadow's biography. Try to rewrite this part from Kressh's POV. You can explain later the details of Sadow's scheme when you talk about Ludo finding out.- Addressed.
"Little did they know, Kressh had actually faked his death, intending to claim the title of Dark Lord of the Sith." How would this ploy allow Kressh to claim the title of DLotS?- Addressed.
- More still.—Tommy9281 (No truth in me) 00:54, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
I'd really like to see the image of Naga Sadow removed in favor of one of Ludo, especially since there are ones of Ludo from that point of the story that can be used. Choose one, and Redemption can scan it for you if you request it of him.—Tommy9281 (No truth in me) 16:06, November 6, 2009 (UTC)- Addressed.
"Ludo Kressh was born in the area of the Outer Rim Territories known as Sith Space, in the period of Sith history known as the Golden Age of the Sith." Does the source specifically state that Kressh was born during the Golden Age of the Sith?- No. Fixed. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:11, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
"Sadow soon launched his fleets, following a beacon he had placed on the Starbreaker 12 to find the Republic. His forces, upon reaching the Republic, began the Great Hyperspace War. Sadow attacked the Republic on two fronts; Koros Major, and Coruscant, the heart of the Republic, located in the Core Worlds." This has to be reworked; you use "Republic" four times in three consecutive sentences.- Addressed.
"After his death, Ludo Kressh was buried in a tomb in the Valley of the Dark Lords, cut into a shyrack cave." Maybe it's just me, but this kind of reads like Kressh was cut into a shyrack cave.- Addressed.
The entire second paragraph of the P&T section could benefit from the substitution of a few pronouns.- Varied up. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 03:35, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
- That's all.—Tommy9281 (No truth in me) 06:03, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
- Grunny:
Early life: "known as Sith Space", "known as the Golden Age of the Sith", "known as the Hundred-Year Darkness", "as they were known". These are a bit repetitive considering they are all in the same paragraph, with two in the same sentence. Can you vary one or two?Overall "Kressh" and "Sadow" is very repetitive. Can you vary it up and use some synonyms where appropriate? Grunny (Talk) 09:30, December 28, 2009 (UTC)Legacy: This reads as speculation: "The Jedi Exile also might have taken Kressh's Sith war sword while she was in Ludo Kressh's tomb." If it's unclear in the game whether she does or not, this would be better served in the Bts. Grunny (Talk) 00:11, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
- Side of pasta:
"Jedi–turned–Sith–turned–redeemed Jedi" While technically correct, please reword this. This is not an encyclopedic usage of an en dash string.- Addressed.
No dates for the succession box?- I have the date of his reign; is it truly necessary to have the dates for the others? I don't find those on any other FA articles.
Yes, absolutely. It is part of the succession box and has been since we revamped them a while back. I try to spot any articles that do not have them that are FAs, so please feel free to point those out. That said, it is necessary for completeness, detail, and per Wookieepedia policy. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:51, January 2, 2010 (UTC)- All righty then. Ya learn something new every day. Addressed. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:56, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
- I have the date of his reign; is it truly necessary to have the dates for the others? I don't find those on any other FA articles.
- That's all I see for now. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:18, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
- Final stuff
"However, Sadow had deceived his enemy; a secret fleet of warships, hidden in orbit of Khar Delba's moon, Khar Shian." Please check this; it's reading very choppy and I don't know what you're trying to say.- Addressed;.
Is the content relating to Sadow really necessary to Kressh's Legacy? The section should only include what is directly relevant to Kressh after his death.- Removed some of it, but I kept the stuff about the Second Battle of Korriban because Kressh's attack directly affected the battle by weakening Sadow's forces.
Please check both the P&T and P&A to make sure that you've related all the information on and recounts of the various duels back to their respective sections. I'm slightly unsure if all the info in those two sections is relevant.- I'm slightly unsure exactly what you mean by this objection, but I think it's good enough.
The Bts needs to be organized a little better. Twice you say that Kressh was killed, but you can simply merge these details and state the roles he played in each comic at the time you first mention them.CC7567 (talk) 05:39, January 4, 2010 (UTC)- Addressed. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:46, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 05:25, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
- I'd suggest perhaps contacting Redemption for some more pertinent images then several of the ones currently displayed.—Tommy9281 (No truth in me) 08:50, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
- Sorry on commenting at this time, so long after it was put up here. But could you please look at the talk page of the article to see my comment (Under Picture(s)), I would like to hear your opinion on the matter logically. Thank You. Have a nice day.—Obi-wan Jacobi 09:36, December 5, 2009 (UTC)
