Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Kendal Ozzel/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kendal Ozzel

  • Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 19:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I'm taking an awful risk here, Vader... This had better work.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:07, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 16:40, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote I will be keeping an eye on it since there might be some new information scattered around. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:09, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Greyman(Talk) 15:51, 8 October 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Graestan(Talk) 14:55, 14 October 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the Command Bridge of Director Thrawn:
    • Intro:
      • "..wealthy family owning land..." should be "wealthy landowning family."
      • Change the last part of the first paragraph to: "Ironically, Ozzel did not achieve his goal of high rank due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as the Emperor's Hand Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision."
      • Ozzel was not the Admiral of Death Sqaudron, no such title exists. Say he was the ranking officer of Death Squadron.
      • add "his senior subordinate, Captain Firmus Piett".
    • Infobox:
      • I feel that Ozzel is over associated. Rather than have Imperial Navy and Death Squadron, just have Death Squadron, since that was the facet of the Navy he was in.
      • Ozzel has a blond mustache.
    • Ascension and Death:
      • Change "He was assigned as the commander..." to "He was assigned to the Executor, the flagship of both Darth Vader and the task force Death Sqaudron, as its commanding officer, with Captain Firmus Piett as his senior subordinate."
      • Try to milk as much info out of ESB as possible.
    • BTS:
      • Several parts of the BTS are unsourced.
        • While this was changed, for future reference it didn't have to be. All parts of the BTS were sourced, if not by <ref> tags then by statements that sourced themselves by stating their source within the sentence. - Lord Hydronium 14:22, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
        • Just to add to this, the way it is now I'd call it overreferenced. - Lord Hydronium 14:25, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
          • That's what I was thinking. I'll remove them, if they haven't been removed already. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Rather than say who thought what about him, try to include all their opinions in one blow.
      • Change "action" to "actions".
      • "Active" should be "activate".
      • Change "a large majority" to "the majority".
    • Though not an official objection, I'd like for the Black Nebula red link to be filled in if possible.
    That's about all I can think of at this moment, I may try and fix somethings myself after my objections have been addressed.--Mitth'raw'nuruodo(Imperial HoloNet)Imperial Emblem 12:55, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Uh, if there is no such title of "Admiral of Death Squadron," why is he the admiral in charge of Death Squadron? Otherwise, done. Additionally, I don't have Scoundrel's Luck, so I can't do anything about the Black Widow Nebula redlink. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 13:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
    • Mention should be made that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy on Coruscant.
    • Mention should be made that Ozzel achieved the rank of Captain of the Line before being transferred to the Coruscant Naval Academy, and that he was transferred because his superiors felt he was not able to command in the field.
    • Mention should be made that he taught naval history and languages at the academy.
    • For the Personality and traits section, no mention is made of his bullish attitude and lack of common sense, his argumentative attitude, his being a disciplinarian and stickler for rules, and his bias against females and non-humans while teaching at the academy.
    • All the above is from the Official Star Wars Fact Files. If you need help on some of it, let me know. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 23:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
      • If you could leave me details on each of your comments on my talk page with the specific Fact File they came from, I'd be more than happy to add the information in the article. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 02:44, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
    • From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
    • An expansion on the situation on Teardrop, with a link to the Teardrop massacre should be included.
      • Okay - more expansion is needed here I feel. Remember, context is everything. Why were the Rebels on Teardrop? How did the Empire learn of their presence? How were the Rebels able to escape? Why was the Millennium Falcon there? Why did the Empire chose to kill innocent civilians? Also, mention Dreflin's involvement on the surface and his altercation with Daric LaRone which led to his death.
        • Frankly, I don't think all that is needed, as they had nothing to do with Ozzel. I added why Ozzel was there and what he did in the system, but I don't want the paragraph to end up sounding like a summary of the first few chapters of Allegiance. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Include details of the plans to kill Mara Jade.
      • A little something on why Ozzel agreed to eliminate Jade is needed - did he believe that the Stormtrooper desertion incident would look bad on his record, etc. Also, why was the Falcon at the pirate base in the first place?
        • I've added why he agreed, but again, I think that adding why the Falcon was there has nothing to do with Ozzel. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
    • It's been a while since I read Allegiance, but does Ozzel have any reaction to/ knowledge of/ direct contact with/ orders to deal with the Hand of Judgment?
    • Concerning the information regarding the differing viewpoints on his ascension to Admiral: consider removing He led Death Squadron alongside Vader into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY that ended in a Rebel escape., from the end of the third paragraph of Ascent, and adding the first three lines from the fourth paragraph to the third, from "Speculation abounded ... to ... members of the general staff". This will consolidate all the information on his promotion into one paragraph.
    • Following on from the last comment, add the line removed from the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph, since the fourth will now deal with his actual command of the vessel. This may require a little rewriting so it fits.
    • Not an objection - regarding the BTS info on the origination of Ozzel's first name - this link may be useful to you as it confirms the existance of the Danny Kendall character in the series, and a small piece on his relationship with Sheard's character. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
  3. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Allegiance info needs a mention in intro. His role is certainly large enough.
    • "He attended the finest naval academy" Some POV here.
      • That's what it says in the sources. Can't help that. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Irrelevant. The sources don't have to be neutral, especially if they're IU. Our article has to be. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
          • Regardless, it needs to be shown that he attended the finest naval academy. It's important to the article. Unless you can find a better way to word it, I'm not going to remove it. I may be acting rude; if so, I apologize, but I really want that kept in the article. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
            • I placed a fix in there. "the finest naval academy" vs. "What was considered the finest naval academy." An even better fix would be to say who called it the finest naval academy, if that information is available. (e.g. "What was considered the finest naval academy by _____".) Since you're new to the FAN page, I'm trying to help out, but future reviews shouldn't be carried out like this. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
              • It doesn't say who considered it to be the finest. Like I noted above, all it says in the source is that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:58, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
                • I understand that and the point I'm trying to make is that you simply can't say that in the article. Since the narrator of the Fact Files is unknown, it can be left with the fix I've inserted, but for future reference, even if the source says "Vader was the finest duelist" or "attended the best naval academy", that's still POV and cannot be placed in the article. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
    • 2nd para of Early life is out of order chronologically. Please amend.
      • How so? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 21:52, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
        • It seems to me that you should place Solo's trial before the instructor stint, since it was only for "a short time" and Solo's court-martial was well before Yavin. That said, I haven't read the relevant sources aside from the Han Solo Trilogy. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm fairly certain it's called Reprisal throughout Allegiance, not the Reprisal. Please adjust accordingly.
      • I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
        • If the warship is referred to as "Reprisal went here and did things" and not "the Reprisal went here and did things" in Allegiance, then the extra "the" needs to be removed. IIRC, Reprisal is the canon usage. Could be wrong there, it's been a few months. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
          • Does it really matter? I thought there was a policy here to put "the" before the name of a ship, with a few exceptions like Home One and Slave One. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
            • Besides, I see "the Reprisal" used a lot. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:19, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
              • A check of Allegiance shows it is "The Reprisal". For future reference, it does matter and we follow canon. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Context on Mara Jade needed in the body.
    • "The colonel's reasoning was that agents could easily end up somewhere during a military strike and be killed." You switch from Mara being a lone agent to "agents". While I do know the storyline behind this, it's not clear in the article.
      • The colonel specifically said that agents die all the time. Not my wording, but his. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
        • It's still not clear and you could still mention her ISB colleagues that she picked up to clarify it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
    • No context on Gillia.
      • There's really nothing else I can write about it without going into too much detail on the Hand of Judgment. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
        • A few words is all I'm asking. You can't just introduce a planet name, character, or ship without giving some descriptor. Case in point: The light freighter Millennium Falcon vs. Millennium Falcon. The first is a better way of wording it and provides basic context. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Is there a real need to harp on his stupidity twice in the same line in P&T?
    • "He was a disciplinarian, and every detail had to be perfect." Not very clear and contradictory in light of lax nature of stormtrooper discipline.
      • Fact File says he was a disciplinarian and every detail had to be perfect, and Allegiance says he let off-duty soldiers walk around without their armor. Can't change that; sorry. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Then you'll need to come up with an acceptable way of phrasing it or make a note of the contradiction in BtS, but regardless, it needs to be addressed. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
    • More P&T data on the lengths he was willing to go to in order to cover his back from Allegiance would be good.
    • You'll need to provide an exact reference on that official site mention.
      • What mention? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
        • "and later made its way to the official website." This is sitting in the BTS without a reference. Please find one and add it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
          • I'm afraid I can't help you there. That was the biggest issue I had involving referencing. Would a link to the Databank suffice? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:08, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
  4. From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
    • "to increase his standing in the Navy" -- no previous mention is made of the Navy before this, so it's kind of sudden. Please document that he joined the Navy, etc. before talking about his machinations.
      • I moved it to the P&T section. I think it's better off there. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
        • The transition is still rather sudden; it talks of how he used the family name to rise through the ranks of the military, and then states that he attended the naval academy. Please revise this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
          • Frankly, I don't think it's sudden. The only way I could possibly fix this is by putting "He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." at the beginning of the next paragraph. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
  5. *Some mention of what being a "captain of the line" curtailed would be good.
      • I would add something, but there's no mention of what he did as a Captain of the Line. I could speculate about what he did in that rank based on the Captain of the Line article, but there's really nothing I could use. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Some sort of the explanation would help, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
          • Like I said, there's no record of what he did as a Captain of the Line; speculating on it would not work. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
            • We know he was a Captain of the Line. We know what a captain of the line did. If you want to avoid saying that Ozzel did anything, just include a description of what a genetic Captain of the Line did. If you're careful with the wording, you'll be fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
    • The first two sections seem of kind of...skin and bones. Things aren't elaborated enough, and stuff seems thrown in without care to make it fit. Also, "Solo later sighted Ozzel aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched" should be rewritten from Ozzel's point of view, and clarified somewhat.
      • I'm afraid I don't have Scoundrel's Luck (where the info on Ozzel onboard the Executor in the Black Widow Nebula came from). Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
        • That is unfortunate, but the objection must stand.
          • I reworded the sentence in question to be from Ozzel's point-of-view, but I'll need to find someone with Scoundrel's Luck to get all the information. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
    • No context on the Millenium Falcon, and Solo is reintroduced in "Ascent" rather suddenly, as if the article assumes readers are already familiar with the source material.
    • Wasn't Mara an Emperor's Hand and not the Emperor's Hand?
      • Allegiance (and Ozzel) refer to her as the Emperor's Hand if I'm not mistaken, but... done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Fair enough, but Ozzel was speaking out of ignorance. Thanks for changing it. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
    • "Regardless of the nature of these rumors" -- this doesn't seem right (or "encyclopedic" or whatever). Please remove, reword, or clarify.
    • I haven't read My Brother, My Enemy, but surely the info from it could be expanded. Like a lot of other stuff in the article, it seems to have been thrown in haphazardly without proper explanation.
      • There's nothing more. He just stands there and says one line. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
        • But, presumably, his ship/the fleet/whatever does a lot more than that one line, and all of that is relevant to Ozzel.
    • "In 1 ABY the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord between Vader's fleet commanders. Ozzel took the bait and believed the rumors that said that Vader wanted to replace him with a junior officer" -- this needs to be explained properly. How did the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord?, how exactly did Ozzel "take the bait"?, etc.
      • Don't have the relevant source. Sorry. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
        • You might want to try this site for info. I've often used it in the past for Galaxies info and it is fairly comprehensive. You could also try the Star Wars Galaxies Wiki, which is supposed to be in good shape. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
          • Not finding anything on either site. I searched for "Sow Discord" on both sites, and there's nothing. I'll ask around IRC for info. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:34, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
            • Removed on the advice of Darth Culator on IRC. It seems that Ozzel does not appear in Galaxies at all, as the mission "Sow Discord" does not exist. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 14:42, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
    • "Additionally, Ozzel would publicly criticize Vader." If the info exists, please say when, in what context, to whom, and give any examples of this occurring.
      • If I recall correctly, it was only briefly mentioned in a Fact File article, without any details. I'll check on that, though. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
    • The last paragraph of "Ascent" could be fleshed out a bit, I would think. Also, "Ascent" seems appropriate for only some of the content of the section, as the second half pertains to happenings after his ascent.
      • I think I may have fixed this when addressing Toprawa and Ralltiir's objection. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Have you checked the ESB novel, radio, or Marvel adaptations for info? Surely there is some.
    • Generally, things -- even things you may not think are all that relevant to Ozzel -- need to be properly explained, contextified, and expanded; the majority of the article, in fact. It's good at the minute, and I applaud you for choosing a relatively major character for your first solo FAN, but it is still not up to FA scratch, IMHO, and still has some ways to go.
      • Some examples of "things" would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
        • "Things" means objects, people, ships, places, etc that are introduced in the article. Examples are included in several of my above objections. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
      • More later. Just to note, I won't be very active for the next week at least, so I may be slow to respond to or strike objections. My apologies. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:42, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
  6. Toprawa:
    • You're missing info from the ESB radio drama and RD script. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Intro objections:
      • This sentence is very quickly glossing over this whole bit while skipping out on some necessary contextual details. Don't be afraid to beef up the intro a little bit with Allegiance info. I'd like to see you work in a bit about why Jade arrived aboard the Reprisal and exactly what/why the group is deserting: "At the same time, Emperor's Hand Mara Jade arrived aboard the Reprisal, and Ozzel planned to kill her in order to prevent the knowledge of a group of deserters from hurting his chances at becoming an admiral."
      • Working off the previous objection, you might do well to do a little bit more to detail his plot to kill her, beginning in the next paragraph.
      • Ok, well, what disloyalty are we talking about? Did Jade and Vader discover his plan to kill her? This needs some context: "Ironically, he did not become an admiral due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty."
        • If I recall correctly, Jade never had any proof, just her suspicions. I made mention that Jade did not trust him. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:42, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
      • I don't think this is exactly true. Unless I'm mistaken, he was never the Captain of the Executor, but the Admiral. I'd like to see this reworded to reflect this: "Ozzel became both the commander of Vader's flagship, the Star Dreadnought Executor, and the admiral in command of Death Squadron"
      • I'd also like to see something in here specifying that he was the second admiral to lead the Executor.
      • I've moved the bit about Imperial personnel considering him to be stupid to the beginning of the intro. As such, you currently have the duplicate sentence still remaining in the final paragraph. I'd like to see you replace that bit with something describing how Ozzel's searches for the Rebel base were pointless and unproductive and that his hyperspace exit blunder was the last straw, Vader had finally had enough of him, etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:06, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
      • Are we sure about this? I seem to remember that they were spurned to desertion more because of the murder of the ISB agent, and that they left the Reprisal out of a necessity to survive, not really a disenchantment with the Empire: "The incident prompted a group of stormtroopers, led by Daric LaRone, to desert from the Imperial Military." Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:42, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
        • I'm pretty sure about it, but I'll check this afternoon. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 11:09, 10 October 2008 (UTC)
          • I decided to reword it. Is this okay? "The incident, followed by the murder of ISB Major Drelfin by stormtrooper Daric LaRone, prompted a group of troops under LaRone to desert from the Imperial Military and flee the Star Destroyer." Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 11:29, 10 October 2008 (UTC)
  7. Missing info from SWAJsmall "Galaxywide NewsNets" — Star Wars Adventure Journal 14 and SWAJsmall "Galaxywide NewsNets" — Star Wars Adventure Journal 12, with regards to the Imperial Propaganda about his death and Executor's unveiling.. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:36, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
  8. Fiolli's Famous Pasta Bowl:
    • "Ironically, he did not become an admiral due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision." Does the sentence end at disloyalty or at skills with the other part being a separate idea? Please reword and clarify.
    • The first paragraph of the biography is only two sentences long. Please merge this with the next or reshuffle the sentences to "beef things up."
    • "He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." Do we have a name of the academy? Does the Fact File (or any other source) list it as "the finest" or "one of the finest"? If not, this is not neutral in POV.
      • No name for the academy, and the Fact File does indeed label it as the finest naval academy. Ironically, this same thing was brought up in Atarumaster's objections, and he ended up adding "what was considered the finest naval academy." Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink)
    • Not necessarily an objection, but more of a question: "Ozzel was later aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched. Solo and Chewbacca were captured by the Executor, and Ozzel interrogated Solo onboard the bridge of the Super Star Destroyer about his presence in the nebula." The reference-note that is inserted about Ozzel appearing on condition of the player is good, but is his appearance considered canon?
    • First paragraph of Ascent: The reference-note states that it is assumed he was present. Does the Adventure Journal say he was present? If his title is incorrect, discuss it in the BtS as a continuity issue and possibly in the main body of the article if it can be properly worked in. For example, "Even though misidentified as the Admiral of…" if SWAJ can be considered IU.
    • Also, the first paragraph of "Ascent" is only one sentence long. Please reorganize this section.
    • "Ozzel later oversaw the massacre of "Rebel sympathizers" on the planet, ordered by Imperial Security Bureau Major Drelfin and blamed it on Rebel agitators present in the town." Expand slightly on the massacre, since it wasn't a bombardment from Ozzel's ship; it was a ground operation.
    • "When stormtrooper Daric LaRone killed Drelfin in self-defense after confronting him about the killing of civilians on Teardrop, he fled the Reprisal with a group of fellow stormtroopers who witnessed the killing." Please reword. I think I understand what you are trying to say, but it is a bit convoluted.
    • "Ozzel and Colonel Somoril mistakenly believed that the subsequent arrival of Emperor's Hand Mara Jade, who at the time was investigating a group of pirates known as the BloodScars in connection to six stolen paintings found in Moff Glovstoak's possession, in Shelsha sector was part of a high-level investigation into the incident, and they conspired in an unsanctioned scheme to kill her after discovering that she had accessed the ship's personnel files, bridge log, and flight log." This needs to be broken up.
    • "Regardless, Ozzel was in command of hunting down the Alliance High Command headquarters using whatever devices he deemed necessary." Regardless of what? When starting a new section, the prior should be referenced if possible in transitional clauses.
      • It was originally "Regardless of the nature of these rumors," the "rumors" part referring to Vader supposedly wanting to replace Ozzel with a junior officer. This was removed after its reference proved to be false; I'll just removed "Regardless." Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
    • "One of these raids proved to be successful, as Ozzel led Death Squadron alongside Vader from the Executor into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY after Rebel mathematician-turned-brainwashed Imperial agent Jorin Sol attempted to assassinate the Rebel commanders aboard their flagship Rebel One and Imperial Lieutenant Janek Sunber tried to capture Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa to deliver them to Vader." Please break this up.
    • "Ozzel publicly criticized Vader while in this position." Was Ozzel aboard Avenger for his remarks, or was merely the fleet in that formation?
    • "Following the battle, Ozzel's remains were sent to his homeworld of Cardia, where he was honored at a ceremony at the Corulag Academy." The Corulag Academy is on Corulag and not Cardia. Perhaps the SWAJs are not that accurate in their information. Mention this in the continuity issues of the BtS as well.
      • No, the AJs say "Corulag," and explicitly state that its his homeworld. This obviously contradicts what we already know from the Databank. Is the Databank the only source to establish his homeworld as Carida? I dunno what you want to do, Tranner. Perhaps you could make the bit in the biography more ambigious, just stating it was taken to the academy on his homeworld? And a BtS note obviously. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:54, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
    • "Kendal Ozzel was considered inept, disloyal, easily manipulated, and stupid,…" By whom? Add then end the sentence there and begin the next sentence with something such as "These traits made many wonder…."
    • The quote at the head of the P&T suggests he is predictable. Add this somewhere into this section.
    • Some additional thoughts:
      • I would do a double-check through the article and make certain you have a good rotation of sentence subject alternatives. (ie. "Ozzel…," "He…," "The Admiral…," etc.) I tried to balance it a bit, but keep an eye out for it.
      • Lastly, be careful of run-on sentences.
        • I don't think I have any run-on sentences in there anymore, but I could be wrong. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
    • Keep up the hard work, Tranner, and this will become an FA. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:05, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
  9. More pasta:
    • "as a result, it is not clear whether or not Ozzel was indeed present at the commissioning ceremony as the Adventure Journal claims." Actually, no. The AJ's mention of his attendance is not what is called into question; rather, it is his rank and position.
    • The last paragraph of death is only one sentence.
    • Scoundrel's Luck should be in the "Appearances" list and not the "Sources" list. I'd move SL, but I don't know exactly what year it takes place in to determine where it would go on the list. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:54, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
  10. From Graestan the Cruel:
    • Setting up that he was an admiral first thing in the intro would be nice, especially since he's known as "Admiral Ozzel" on-screen.
    • "He originally served…" – You should mention his academy time and prior duties to this assignment.
    • A more direct explanation for Ozzel's promotion to admiral is needed in the intro, instead of the current allusion.
      • I added that Vader took Jade's advise and had Ozzel promoted. I don't know if this is as direct as you would like it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 13:47, 13 October 2008 (UTC)
    • No setup or initial link for the Executor!? Please remedy this.
      • In the Ascent section? Done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 13:47, 13 October 2008 (UTC)
        • Some explanation of Executor there is necessary; why it was important, etc. Graestan(Talk) 04:55, 14 October 2008 (UTC)
    • Could you perhaps change around a bit of the wording heading up paragraphs summarizing the Admiral's exploits? It has a certain "Ozzel did this, Ozzel did that" quality at this time that I'd like to remedy.
    • In the P&T, it sounds as though Vader only considered Ozzel inept just prior to his death, but in the bio it seems Vader was building up to this conclusion and had plenty of evidence beforehand. Which is it?
    • Also in the P&T, a sort of blame game and enmity between Ozzel and Piett is mentioned, but is not exactly established in the bio. Shouldn't this be added somewhere in "Hunt for the Rebel headquarters?"
      • I believe this was mentioned in passing in Galaxy Guide 3: The Empire Strikes Back. If so, I'll get back to you on this one. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 13:47, 13 October 2008 (UTC)
        • I was right. I added a bit on the discourse between the two in the "Hunt for the Rebel headquarters" section. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 14:01, 13 October 2008 (UTC)
          • This brings me to a question: Did you actually go through every source, then? These instances lead me to believe there may be more missing information.
            • It's not that the information was missing - I simply forgot to add it into the main biography. I received info from the sources that I do not have access to from others, so there is a slight possibility that some minor information is missing. Regretfully, I wouldn't be able to do anything about that. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 14:28, 14 October 2008 (UTC)
    • You might mention in passing that Sheard played Hitler a number of times besides The Last Crusade.
    • Information as to the name "Kendal" should either be reworded to be more assertive or removed. As-is it gives the impression this is the place for fan speculation and OR.
      • If the name "Kendal" was used with Sheard's blessing, I think the bit on the name should stay. I don't know how I could reword it; I can't say that the name is a reference to the character if I don't know for sure. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 13:47, 13 October 2008 (UTC)
        • You could simply mention that it was used with his blessing, forgoing the speculative language regarding the other show. Graestan(Talk) 04:55, 14 October 2008 (UTC)
    • Forum:CT:Ambiguous canon in the main article body states that the ambig content should be worked into the bio with the tags in place.
      • Really? Toprawa told me on IRC that ambig content should be located in the BTS, similar to the placement of cut content. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 13:47, 13 October 2008 (UTC)
        • Well, I've cited you the CT, haven't I? In case you'd like precedent, the objectionless Slith FA is a fair one. Graestan(Talk) 04:55, 14 October 2008 (UTC)
    • Graestan(Talk) 01:44, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 13:37, 19 October 2008 (UTC)

  • "However, the depiction of Vader's recovery here contradicts that shown in Star Wars Empire 14: The Savage Heart." - Vader: The Ultimate Guide has the Scoundrel's Luck events take place right after Vader is picked up from Vaal (in fact, Sodarra from SL is the one who recovers him from Vaal), so I don't think this is true. - Lord Hydronium 21:01, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Wasn't aware of that. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 21:27, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Wait, it still contradicts Ozzel's command of the Reprisal at this time. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 21:30, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
        • Yeah, that part's fine to mention, but Vader's recovery isn't contradictory, is what I'm saying. Or at least not between those two sources. - Lord Hydronium 23:02, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
  • Just a note to all those with objections needing to be addressed: I'm busy all week helping teach at a guitar camp for 6 to 8-year-olds, so please be patient. I'll do my best to satisfy all objections as soon as I get a chance. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 00:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
  • If anyone has access to the ESB novel, Scoundrel's Luck, or Star Wars Galaxies Rebel mission "Sow Discord", I'd appreciate some help with getting info from the three sources. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 14:29, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
    • You should ask around in IRC and see if anyone can help you out or point you toward the sources online. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
  • Listen, I don't want to sound annoying, but I really need some more Inqs to review this article. I'd also greatly appreciate help with info from Scoundrel's Luck and Galaxies. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:45, 31 July 2008 (UTC)