- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Jutka
- Nomination by: Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 15:31, 23 January 2009 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Inspired by the CSWE not realizing that a Tuhgri and a Human are different species. But, hey - it's DarkStryder!
(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
Cull Tremayne 06:18, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:59, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:07, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
Yay unofficial Wookieeproject: DarkStryder. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:25, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
I forgot the pleasure derived from tuning into the Squadron channel;)—Tommy
(Nine two eight one) 21:36, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
Oppose
- Substance
Intro: "Tracking the signal, they discovered a damaged mining drone that Jutka hoped could be used to signal their homeworld, or attract rescuers to their plight." Who is "they"? Did you specify earlier who was in the escape pod? The whole crew of the ship? The pronoun doesn't give enough info IMO.- Added clarification of who is in the pod to the intro (and bio), replaced "they" with "Tuhgri".
In the P&T: "Although initially wary of the FarStar crew, he was able to be diplomatic when he realized that they meant them no harm and convinced them to work together towards a common goal." Who is "them"? You go from Jutka being diplomatic then directly to the FarStar meaning "them" no harm? This whole sentence just gets confusing near the end. Could some of the pronouns be swapped in order to clarify who is working with who?- Reworded. Hopefully it is clearer now.
Is that all that can be said in the BtS? Aren't there non-canon RPG paths that can be elaborated upon? For example, is it possible for the FarStar crew to kill the Tughri during that first encounter when they appear hostile? A little elaboration about his use in the RPG might be worth it. Cull Tremayne 02:40, 24 January 2009 (UTC)- Added a little about the other option that can be taken upon first meeting Jutka and the Tuhgri. - Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 09:51, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
- Nice job. Cull Tremayne 06:18, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
- Added a little about the other option that can be taken upon first meeting Jutka and the Tuhgri. - Cavalier One
- Roar:
In the intro: "Jutka and his Tuhgri..." I assume these are members of his crew. If so, you should clarify this, because it can be a bit confusing.- Changed to crew. - Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 09:53, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
- Changed to crew. - Cavalier One
- All I got. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:34, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
Either link Shada in the lead quote or mention her somewhere in the article. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:27, 2 March 2009 (UTC)- Added mention to the biography. - Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 19:00, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
- Added mention to the biography. - Cavalier One
- Minor thing from Fiolli:
The last paragraph of the bio has two consecutive sentences with em dashes. This looks and reads awkward. I would prefer one of them be restructured so that there are no qualifier clauses in it. Thanks. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:27, 24 March 2009 (UTC)- Jiggled around a bit and reworked. - Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 11:25, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
- Jiggled around a bit and reworked. - Cavalier One
- Tommy9281:
"Based on Dayark in the Episol system, Jutka kept a close eye on both Crev Bombaasa's cartel," A tad bit more context on Crev Bombaasa please.- Added.
You only mention the discomfort his clothes were causing him, & the encounter with 3PO in the P&T, but I feel like if these were important enough events worth mentioning there, they should be talked about in the bio as well.—Tommy
(Nine two eight one) 12:57, 27 March 2009 (UTC)- Added in. Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 21:04, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
- Anytime, C1. Always a pleasure.—Tommy
(Nine two eight one) 21:36, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
- Anytime, C1. Always a pleasure.—Tommy
- Added in. Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One
Comments
- Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 21:36, 29 March 2009 (UTC)