Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Jes Gistang

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Jes Gistang

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 13:24, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Could probably use a little sharpening style-wise, but I am confident that further reviews will achieve this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:29, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote —Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 00:56, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:42, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Graestan(Talk) 02:26, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. Ackbar:
    • "Threatened as a young woman" could do with some explanation, if there is any.
      • There is no explanation.
        • I'd like to see it altered then, or chopped, because it doesn't read very well.
          • Chopped off "threatened."
    • "She guided Trask and gave him tips to help him survive among the stormtroopers, and even sympathized with the noob." -- this reads a bit informally, and I'd like to see the "noob" either go or be properly explained.
      • Took it out.
    • "However, when Lieutenant Gil Cassel informed the 407th that they would be participating in a battle against the 908th, fellow stormtroopers, on Borosk for joining disposed Emperor Roan Fel, she quickly disagreed with the mission, and even argued that the 407th should join Fel themselves" -- couple of issues with this. Firstly, the "however" seems like it's just been thrown in; nothing to the contrary is said in the previous sentence. Also, the whole section from "the 908th" to "Roan Fel" reads a little awkwardly; please rejig it to see if you can get it to read better. Lastly, I think "deposed" is the word you're looking for :-P
      • All of the above, fixed.
    • First sentence of the bio could do we a little work; "born and redheaded Corellian" and "after being given a bad set of alternatives that she considered to be worse than becoming a stormtrooper" read poorly.
      • First part, fixed. Second part, gone.
        • Could still be improved. It should start by saying that she was a Human female from Corellia and that she did not enjoy her early life, and then go on to mention the Mission.
          • Used your suggestion.
    • "Gistang and the rest of Joker Squad were then put into action" could be reworded to read a little better.
      • Changed to, "thrust into action," and moved to the beginning of the next section.
    • "After Darth Maleval was dispatched by Emperor Darth Krayt make sure the 407th didn't defect themselves, Joker Squad was then sent to Borosk" -- I'm not sure this is accurate. IIRC, Maleval was there all along.
      • You're right, so I redid that sentence.
    • "At first assigned to capture the 908th's base, the soldiers fought bravely and showed no interest to join Fel" -- this is missing a word or something, and also contradicts what was stated earlier in the article: at least Gistang had shown an interest.
      • Contradiction gone.
    • "Gistang played an important part in the battle, cutting paths with the large weapon she used, and inflicting large amounts of damage" -- I already cleaned up this sentence a bit, but what exactly was she damaging? Buildings, enemies, vehicles? Please clarify.
      • Clarified it as, "enemy targets."
    • "However, with every four shots, she needed to replace her power pack, making her carry large amounts of it" -- last part of this could be cleaned up a fair bit.
      • Fixed.
    • The bit about the stormtrooper about to kill her should come before the bit about Trask killing him.
      • Sentence redone.
        • Doesn't resolve my objection, though.
          • Better now?
            • Yes.
    • "Gistang noticed, however, Trask deep..." -- per my comment above about the however; also, please clarify about Trask's father—was he dead, still alive, or what? It's quite unclear at the minute.
      • Noob doesn't clarify. I'm keeping it as it is.
        • I checked, and "wonder what he would've thought of today?," coupled with Trask's use of the past tense when referring to his father, seems to indicate he's dead. Also, the first part of the objection has not been addressed.
          • That would be speculation, so I can't say Trask's father is dead unless it states he is.
            • Fine, but you're going to have to do something about the sentence; it's still unclear if he was still a stormtrooper at the time, or what. You use both "had been" and "was" in the same sentence referring to his father's position as a stormtrooper. Also, the first part of the objection has not been addressed.
              • Both parts are addressed now. DC 17:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
    • "Soon enough..." -- this all happens rather suddenly; last I knew, they were resting for the night. Please add in something to make the transition less sudden.
      • Changed.
    • "insulted him, which resulted in him being Force pushed to the ground" -- aside from the rhyming, it ought to be clarified that Maleval did the pushing.
      • Fixed.
    • Last paragraph of the bio reads quite poorly, and could do with cleaning up.
      • Cleaned up.
    • Decent article, but it seems as if it was rushed; lots of missing words, awkward phrasing, and casual wording. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:15, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
      • I rushed the copyedit, so that may be why. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 21:19, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
        • We're all human. ;-) It's looking much better now, though there's still a few issues that haven't been dealt with to my satisfaction. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:44, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
    • Refering to her as "originally Corellian" doesn't sit right. If she was born a Corellian, then she is a Corellian.
      • Fixed.
    • They pushed on though, but Gistang made the same mistake of leaving her power paks vulnerable to blaster bolts. When did she make the first mistake? This should be noted.
      • She had made it earlier, and it was mentioned in the article, but I decided to take the first mistake out, so it states "Gistang made the mistake" now.
    • Noting that her good sense of humor is due to her Corellian heritage is a bit stereotypical - not all Corellians have a sense of humor.
      • Fixed.
    • Maybe add something into the P&T section about how, despite being a hardened trooper, she still found time to talk to and console Trask during their brief time serving together. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 13:20, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
      • Added DC 03:44, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
    • There's some missing punctuation in the main quote. I'd fill it in, but I'm not sure what it's supposed to be. (I'd think a period, but one can never be sure with comics.) -- Ozzel 03:14, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
      • It's in the middle of a long statement by Harka, so I didn't know how to format the quote. Any ideas? i was kind of thinking of using brackets. DC 03:44, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Ah, in that case, yes, a bracketed ellipsis is the way to go; I went ahead and added it. (And I put the nowiki tag there because otherwise there's a weird bug where the apostrophes show up.) -- Ozzel 10:24, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. The Anvil:
    • Eliminate contractions.
    • I've found several instances where you use two spaces between sentences. If this is accidental, please be more mindful. If not, You should be aware that we only use single spacing between sentences in articles.
    • Eliminate the overlinking.
      • Done.
    • "Battle of Borosk and death" section should be changed to something like, "Death at Borosk".
      • Done.
    • Further on that point, you have a section named after the battle, but you link the battle nowhere within that section. You can either: (a)link the battle somewhere within the section, or (b) use {{Main|Battle of Borosk (Anti-Sith Insurgency)}} right under the section title (after you reword the section title, of course).
      • Used (B).
    • Same section. You say, "Gistang started to chase after the Sith Lord, insulting him as well, though she was stopped by Sergeant Harkas before Maleval could punish her as well." Please reword, avoiding the repetitive use of the phrase "as well".
      • Reworded.
    • Same section, you introduce Vax Potorr without linking him. Please do so, and link everything in the article with an article of its own at the first mention. Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 14:31, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
  4. Toprawa:
    • You can't get a picture of her with her eyes open?
      • I'll talk this over with you on IRC.
        • Per a discussion with Redemption, that's the best image we're going to get. The two images with Jes Gistang's face are either covered by something, or don't have any detail at all. DC 17:32, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
    • A little context for what the Imperial Mission is, please: "she decided to join the 407th Stormtrooper Division through the Imperial Mission"
      • Fixed.
    • This kind of a cliche, can we replace "big gun" with "heavy artillery"? "Put in charge of the "big gun" in Joker Squad"
      • It's all Noob calls it, but yeah, I fixed it anyway.
    • Likewise, context for the Mission: "became a stormtrooper through the Imperial Mission as a result"
      • Done.
        • I'd still like to see this worded differently, just to avoid having it be identical with the introduction. Toprawa and Ralltiir 14:37, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm not sure what this is saying exactly. Please clarify: "She did talk to Trask, informing him of certain solders personalities. "
    • Sort of in conjunction with the previous objection, you say she didn't talk to him, but in this very next sentence she is explaining something him? These aren't congruous: "She also explained to him that"
    • Please reword this sentence. Including this sentence, the three previous sentences begin "She did...She also...She also..." The repetition reads poorly: "She also informed him of her doubt"
    • As you reword that sentence, please choose a more formal word than "noob."
      • For the four objections above, I redid the paragragh, hopefully satisfying your objections.
    • Please reword. "She was quick to do this, he was quick to do this." Ugly repetition: "was quick to argue that they couldn't kill fellow troopers, though Cassel was quick to quiet her down."
      • Fixed.
    • Can we clarify what weapon she used at all? An artillery piece? Ideally, we would be able to link something to this: "cutting paths with the large weapon she used"
      • They don't clarify, so there's nothing I can do.
    • There should really be an article for his father. If you can't link something here, please create a red link: "Trask told her about his father"
      • Created an article for the dude.
    • Likewise, there should be an article for his brother. If you can't link, red link it: "including his brother, despite the fact that Joker Squad disliked killing fellow stormtroopers."
      • I failed to clarify who it was. It was Gil Cassel's brother, and I linked it to him, so fixed.
    • Does the source actually say that they didn't mourn her and fought on, or does it just present the idea that they fought on, and this is your own creation? It seems rather ORish: "Gistang, who was the second casualty of the battle, wasn't mourned by her comrades as they didn't have time to think about her death."
      • To quote from Noob: "There was no time to mourn anyone. We fought on, and so did the 908th. Right to the bitterest of ends." So yes, the source does say that.
    • You need some kind of better description than "the anonymous one." Something should link to that as well: "although the first canonical female stormtrooper is the anonymous one appearing in Star Wars: Legacy (2006) 0." Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:23, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
      • I'm afraid I can't give any more of a description, though I'll create an article for her and link it. DC 23:05, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
  5. [[:File:Gistang.jpg]] is very low quality—request a re-scan from someone. [[:File:Gistang.jpg]] could also use a re-scan and a new file name. --Imperialles 16:14, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
    • Done: [[:File:Gistang1.jpg]] and done: [[:File:Gistang2.jpg]]. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 02:16, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
      • Objection(s) overridden by Inquisitorius 05:52, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
  6. Grass clippings:
    • Ditto on Imp's objections.
    • Jared Cassel's position in the 908th would be helpful.
    • The bit about Gistang not being mourned is speculative.
    • Graestan(Talk) 01:06, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 05:52, 17 August 2008 (UTC)

Vote to strike objection (Inq only)

  1. Inqvote You know I dislike this, but considering that Imp is now gone for the foreseeable future, I move to strike his single outstanding image objection. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:45, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Original images were replaced a while ago. Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:51, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Yar. - Lord Hydronium 23:10, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Imp-objected, Graestan-approved. Graestan(Talk) 13:27, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Greyman(Talk) 15:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC)