- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Jerne
- Nominated by: JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 02:20, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: My
turnJerne - WookieeProject (optional): WP:AST, WP:COMICS
(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)
(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)
Support
Don't you "the Jerni had an empire on Jerne" me, and on the FAN too. The sheer impudence. OOM 224 16:46, 28 June 2022 (UTC)- Jerni, Jerne? I'm confused. Samonic
19:22, 28 June 2022 (UTC) - Fan26 (Talk) 17:06, 3 September 2022 (UTC)
- Imperators II(Talk) 20:26, 7 December 2022 (UTC)
Made a pretty significant copy-edit. I'd recommend taking a look. MasterFred(talk) (he/him) 22:30, 22 December 2022 (UTC)- Amazingly well written! Good job AxMech (talk) 22:45, 22 December 2022 (UTC)
- Manoof (he/him/his) 23:10, 22 December 2022 (UTC)
Object
Imp
I feel like the exact reason why Leia and Luke traveled to Jerne, i.e., the details of Vader's trap, should be brought up when you're first mentioning it in "A Rebel disturbance", otherwise it's kinda left unexplained to the reader at that point and it reads like you're just going by the perspective of Luke as presented in the story instead of a neutral, omniscient perspective that the Wook articles strive for.- Added.
- That's a good start. It seems to me there are a couple more details left in "A Rebel disturbance" that could also be moved upward, i.e., the crystal being an illusion and the implications of the supposed crystal's use (and perhaps the fact that the mission to Jerne occurred a month after Skywalker's discovery of the ship? Speaking of which, does the ship warrant an article of its own?). And there's the question of whether all that recounting of Skywalker's discovery is even necessary in that latter section anymore. Imperators II(Talk) 19:24, 6 December 2022 (UTC)
- Big eh from me on the ship's notability. How's it look now? JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 23:49, 6 December 2022 (UTC)
- That's a good start. It seems to me there are a couple more details left in "A Rebel disturbance" that could also be moved upward, i.e., the crystal being an illusion and the implications of the supposed crystal's use (and perhaps the fact that the mission to Jerne occurred a month after Skywalker's discovery of the ship? Speaking of which, does the ship warrant an article of its own?). And there's the question of whether all that recounting of Skywalker's discovery is even necessary in that latter section anymore. Imperators II(Talk) 19:24, 6 December 2022 (UTC)
- Added.
"After using a grenade to open the ruins, a bomb that had been planted by Vader detonated, killing Reen and her associates and covering the Rebels with rubble." — this reads like the bomb (as opposed to... Reen? The Rebels?) used a grenade before the former detonated.- Facts, added.
"and Human colonists came to use the planet until its near destruction." — wait, wha...? Jerne's near-destruction is an important historical fact that never comes up in the article until that point.Imperators II(Talk) 17:30, 6 December 2022 (UTC)- Good point, added. CSWE is weird. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 18:25, 6 December 2022 (UTC)
"It had been built by the original inhabitants, the Jerni." — does the "it" here refer to the Eternity Crystal?Imperators II(Talk) 14:44, 7 December 2022 (UTC)- No, it's the ship. Fixed the quote caption. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 17:47, 7 December 2022 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 23:14, 22 December 2022 (UTC)