Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Jay

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Jay

  • Nominated by: YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 15:27, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: YEET FIRST VISIONS SAN LEGGO. Don’t read this article until you watch “Tatooine Rhapsody” 🙂.
  • WookieeProject (optional):

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. Inqvote First vote on a Visions nom! Supreme Emperor Holocomm 23:45, 9 November 2021 (UTC)
  2. VergenceScatter (talk) 17:02, 19 December 2021 (UTC)
  3. Samonic (talk) 21:38, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote OOM 224 21:30, 9 February 2022 (UTC)
  5. Great work! LucaRoR Sigil of House Serenno (Talk) 07:29, 27 February 2022 (UTC)
  6. Looks great! Good work. Jedi Order ImpacticForce (Talk) 03:17, 8 March 2022 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote 1358 (Talk) 14:05, 6 April 2022 (UTC)

Object

Luca
  • Guitar can be linked in the intro. (And then changed when a bot moves the page).
  • In the body, Star Waver is written between ", while in the intro it isn't. Which is correct?
  • In the second paragraph, guitar links to the legends page. You should link it to the canon page and then remove the link from the Equipment section.
  • Context for Lan?
  • It is probably better to specify that they played a song before the crowd roared.
  • In P&T, you should describe his physical appearance.
  • You could most likely link "Money".
  • In P&A, is it worth mentioning the fact that he could use a lightsaber? Also, a quote from K-344 saying that he was useful with the repairs wouldn't hurt. Last thing, we usually avoid making a one-sentence-long paragraph.
    • I put the lightsaber under equipment. Do you think it should still be under powers and abilities? — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 20:01, 10 October 2021 (UTC)
      • I was thinking about something like this. Mentioning that he owned a lightsaber, and that he could use it. I'm not sure, however, if he has ever used it in the episode. LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 05:51, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
    • I’ll find the K-344 quote and add it later, and also fix the one-sentence paragraph. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 20:01, 10 October 2021 (UTC)
      • I fixed the one-sentence paragraph. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 18:50, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
        • It's just missing the quote, then I'll strike the objection. LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 19:20, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
          • Added! Thanks for all the helpful feedback! :D -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 19:30, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
  • In the Equipment section, the fact that he could play guitar feels out of place. You have already mentioned it in the P&A section: I'd just remove it…
    • Corrigendum: I would leave the fact that he owned a guitar there. (JocastaBot please forgive this subsection :P) LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 05:51, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
    • Okay, I did it. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 18:50, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
  • In the BTS, the date of release should be given to the episode. LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 14:22, 10 October 2021 (UTC)
    • Added. Thanks for the review! I’ll get to the rest later. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 19:52, 10 October 2021 (UTC)
      • The full date can't be directly referenced to the episode itself. LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 05:51, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
  • Gamorrean is currently quote-exclusive. Maybe something like: "His lightsaber was damaged when he fell into Geezer's vehicle, after which he used it as a microphone. The microphone was later misunderstood for a weapon by some Gamorrean guards." Feel free to word it differently, this is the best I could do. :P
  • You could probably create a Microphone page…
  • To make everything uniform, you could decide a way of writing lightsaber-microphone and use the same every time you mention it. LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 05:51, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
    • I standardized it except in the image caption, where I use "microphone lightsaber" (and in the body I use "microphone/lightsaber"). I did this intentionally, but if you insist, I'll add the slash to the image caption as well. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 18:50, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
      • Nah, it looks good to me. LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 19:20, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
  • "From violence to vocal" is a nice word pun, but I think it should be changed, since we try to keep our writing as formal as possible. LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 12:47, 20 November 2021 (UTC)
    • Struck per Discord conversation. LucaRoR CIS roundel (Talk) 18:38, 22 November 2021 (UTC)
Dent
  • There are multiple articles on individuals with the first name Jay. There should be a disambiguation page for them linked at the top of this article. Dentface (talk) 08:09, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
    • Created... and wow, there are a lot of "Jays". I'm adding more. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 17:59, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
    • Update-- I think I got all of them... -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 18:50, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
  • The Filmmaker Focus links you have on the article should be going to the individual article for that Filmmaker Focus episode, not the series page overall - in this case, Tatooine Rhapsody (Filmmaker Focus). Since it's a redlink, an article for that episode will need to be created. Dentface (talk) 01:10, 12 October 2021 (UTC)
    • I’m not opposed to doing that, but last I remember, people on the Discord seemed to agree we only needed one “filmmaker focus” page. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 03:43, 12 October 2021 (UTC)
      • Okay, in that case, leave it. I was going off of the fact that on the Filmmaker Focus page itself, there were redlinks. Thanks! Dentface (talk) 04:08, 12 October 2021 (UTC)
        • I did summarize the featurette on the "Filmmaker Focus" page, and linked the appropriate section in the reference notes and "Sources" section of Jay. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 19:33, 12 October 2021 (UTC)
Editor
  • You need to include the scene where the band greets Geezer on Tatooine before their song in the history section
  • I think the Gamorrean guards getting confused about his lightsaber should be recounted in the history section Editoronthewiki (talk) 16:56, 20 October 2021 (UTC)
    • Done and done! Thanks homie -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 17:53, 20 October 2021 (UTC)
  • Information from episode guide gallery needs to be added. Stuff like his hair being shaggy and him running from the Clone Wars's carnage Editoronthewiki (talk) 04:03, 22 November 2021 (UTC)
UberSoldat
  • Article makes no mention of Jay appearing in a trailer prior to the episode's release. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 09:19, 10 November 2021 (UTC)
OOM
  • References
    • Missing links
    • The ref for the rank of Jedi Commander doesn't provide a source for Jay being involved in the Republic Military.
    • Similarly, the Order 66 ref doesn't source the episode.
    • That ref should reflect the fact that Order 66 was merely a protocol, while the Great Jedi Purge was the execution of the order. OOM 224 22:10, 3 February 2022 (UTC)
      • I think I got them all. Better now? — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 17:03, 4 February 2022 (UTC)
        • Yup, looks good! Will continue the review sometime later. OOM 224 17:12, 4 February 2022 (UTC)
  • (Review note: Just for the record, a few minor objections not listed here have been handled via Discord a couple days ago)
  • My copy-edit
  • Currently, I don't see much of a point mentioning the lightsaber in the intro. Can you explain its significance as a microphone there? This might also be worth doing for the second paragraph in the Biography section.
    • Removed from the intro. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 01:28, 9 February 2022 (UTC)
  • Was it raining when Jay rushed out the first time to confront Boba?
    • Yes, it rained from when Boba Fett caused them to crash their ship until after he left with Geezer aboard. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 01:28, 9 February 2022 (UTC)
    • Better? -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 21:20, 9 February 2022 (UTC)
  • Context for Bib Fortuna
  • "Jay, K-344, and Geezer smile as Geezer learns he is not to be executed." this tidbit in the image captions is missing from the accompanying prose.
  • "Instead, sensing the crowd's excitement and the potential profit of investing in Star Waver, Jabba allowed the band to perform an encore." This isn't really relevant to Jay's powers and abilities. The previous line already says he was able to convince Jabba via the enthusiastic audience.
  • Either "microphone/lightsaber" or "microphone lightsaber" should be used for the sake of consistency.
  • For the BTS, there's no need to mention the sources of interviews in the prose.
    • Reduced the wording. If you insist, I'll remove it. However, it was already in the prose for the second BTS paragraph. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 01:19, 9 February 2022 (UTC)
      • The source of the interviews is not relevant to Jay, so it's best to remove it. OOM 224 21:03, 9 February 2022 (UTC)
        • Better? I pipelinked FF for the word "interview", but it's not mentioned in the prose anymore. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 21:20, 9 February 2022 (UTC)
  • I don't think the voice actor being a "huge fan of both Star Wars and anime" is relevant to Jay's character.
  • Similarly, I don't think the "great story about a band that needs their friend back" is necessary, since that doesn't add anything new to the story already detailed in the IU portions of the article. Same for "heartfelt friendship." OOM 224 18:18, 8 February 2022 (UTC)
Ecks
  • The first paragraph of "Losing Geezer" doesn't really mention Jay at all. See if you can sneak in him in a place or two.
    • Better now? -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 20:15, 13 March 2022 (UTC)
      • Better. You now have two consecutive sentences starting with Fett announcing something, though. You could probably slighty trim those sentences and merge them into one. 1358 (Talk) 11:11, 19 March 2022 (UTC)
  • The second paragraph of "Losing Geezer" needs to be checked for encyclopedic tone. "As rain poured down from a darkened sky, Jay shook in fear, but still tried to ignite his blade and attack Fett." The first clause here is unnecessary, and the second belongs in the PT rather than the Biography. "causing Jay distress and solemnity." Also PT material. "Overwhelmed with emotion, Jay ran out into the rain and cried out that in the end, they were just a band." This is way too PBP. "At that moment, the rain abated and" Unnecessary detail.
    • Removed rain mentions
    • Moved stuff to P&T
    • PBP better? -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 20:22, 13 March 2022 (UTC)
  • "When Boba Fett came to seize Geezer, the Hutt made a joke about Jabba wanting his autograph before enthusiastically attacking Fett with his flamethrower." Why is this relevant to Jay? Are you trying to say Jabba wanted Jay's autograph? Currently it sounds like Jabba wanted Geezer's autograph. If you're trying to use this as an example of Jay's cowardice compared to the rest of the band, it's a bit excessive; right now you have two complete sentences (this one and the following one), and one would be enough to demonstrate that. 1358 (Talk) 10:30, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
    • Good point. Removed that. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 20:15, 13 March 2022 (UTC)
  • "Star Waver was performing their song "Galactic Dreamer" at a concert when a group of bounty hunters led by Boba Fett interrupted the performance, seeking to collect the bounty. When the bounty hunters arrived, they interrupted the concert" You're basically saying the same thing twice in separate sentences here. See if you can do some rewriting here to condense it and also see if the rest of the first paragraph of the section in question can be further tweaked for excessive PBP. 1358 (Talk) 17:00, 28 March 2022 (UTC)
    • Addressed the two-sentences thing
    • Is the paragraph better now? -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) linkWP:Chiss (talk) 17:19, 28 March 2022 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 14:05, 6 April 2022 (UTC)

  • Special thanks to Editoronthewiki for helping get this article to the word count and expanding the biography, and to Supreme Emperor for adding the first image! — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 15:27, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
  • I'm wondering if the current last paragraph of BTS is necessary. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 13:30, 16 October 2021 (UTC)