Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Jaska (Mandalorian Knight)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Jaska (Mandalorian Knight)

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:44, January 11, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Nice.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 23:13, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 19:47, April 1, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 21:13, April 3, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote JangFett (Talk) 16:00, April 13, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 03:54, April 15, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Floyd
  • Intro: Context on the Revanchist movement.
    • Added.
  • Much of the intro needs to be refocused towards Jaska's perspective, rather than that of Kace or the Mandalorian Knights faction.
    • Addressed.
  • In the bio there should be a little more context on the Mandalorian Wars.
    • Added.
  • A couple more paragraph breaks here or there would be nice in the second bio section.
    • Addressed.
  • You should probably mention that the Phaeda militia is actually from Phaeda earlier than you do.
    • Done
  • Nice work. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:56, January 6, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • I think you could find somewhere to split up the intro into more than one paragraph.
    • Addressed.
  • If it can be worked in, I would suggest that the beginning of the Bio mention that she was trained as a Jedi and passed the Trials, so that Jedi training and Jedi Trials can get referenced.
    • Not a fan of derivative info such as that, personally. Seems like unnecessary fluff to me, but I'm not going to argue here. Addressed.
  • "Former Jedi Council member": would it be prudent to assume that Kace was a member of the Jedi High Council?
    • He was, indeed. Wrong link.
  • Does Jaska appear in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic—War 2? The article implies that by listing the entire series under "Appearances," but there isn't any information in the article from that issue. Just want to make sure that it wasn't an error.
    • She does appear in it briefly. A sourcing error on my part.
  • "inside a prospective training center on the planet Ordo": does this training center exist yet (in which case it should be linked), or is it just an idea that Kace has?
    • It's just an idea.
  • Would the island upon which Mount Savage rested deserve an article?
    • Redlinked.
  • "Kace stated that his Jedi were unaffected but Carrick required immediate medical help." Nitpicking (and this might just be me), but I'm not entirely sure what the intended meaning is here. Is Kace stating that Carrick required medical attention (i.e. potentially a lie), or does Carrick actually need medical attention? If it's the former, it should be worded as "Kace stated that his Jedi were unaffected but that Carrick…," while if it's the latter, it should be more clearly punctuated somewhere, i.e. "his Jedi were unaffected, but Carrick…" Please clarify.
    • It's the former. Fixed.
  • "Kace and Carrick fought a battle that culminated": if this is a duel, would it be prudent to link lightsaber combat and/or lightsaber duel here? (Also, is there another way to phrase it besides "fought a battle," i.e. "confronted" or something more specific?)
    • Addressed.
  • "the Mandalorian forces on Dantooine received news that Mandalore had broken his deal": can a little more context be provided here? I know that it's referring to Mandalore's deal with Kace, but it would help to state that more clearly.
    • Addressed.
  • Hair, eye, and skin color are currently infobox-exclusive and should be mentioned in the article body somewhere. CC7567 (talk) 21:07, March 9, 2013 (UTC)
    • Addressed. Sorry for the delayed response on these. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 11:02, March 24, 2013 (UTC)
      • I don't think the "Falleen female" part needs to be repeated in the P&T, since it's already at the beginning of the Bio. I would suggest removing it. CC7567 (talk) 14:20, March 25, 2013 (UTC)
Cadeth
  • "However, Zayne Carrick, a former Jedi Padawan and a member of the Phaeda militia, in an attempt to save his homeworld, proposed a plan to infiltrate Phaedacomm, a Bith-operated space station located within the Phaeda system." Oof. Any way you could break this up or make it flow better? Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:41, April 3, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 03:54, April 15, 2013 (UTC)