Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Hero of Tython

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Hero of Tython

  • Nominated by: Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 07:23, November 4, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: May I present the culmination of almost eight months of work and dozens of rewrites: the Hero of Tython. This is officially the largest single article I have ever contributed, and I apologize about that in advance to all reviewers.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

Well obviously you put much work into this, to which I would say, put in very well, though while I am on a personal note, not much of a fan for the need of a "Canon" version of someone like this, its otherwise to me a rather good article going here. Plus who cares if its a really long page, I'd read it. --Swtor627 (talk) 06:46, November 5, 2012 (UTC)Swtor627 (Vote struck, reason: Per policy: Less than 50 mainspace edits -- Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 06:54, November 5, 2012 (UTC))
  1. One of your "elite" articles, keep it up. Winterz (talk) 00:02, December 19, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:00, March 31, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Nicely done! Coruscantfan (Talk) 00:43, May 29, 2013 (UTC)
  4. You did a great job on this.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 02:30, July 19, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Great work. Now do one of the other classes :P 501st dogma(talk) 21:58, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 19:15, September 22, 2013 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 02:14, December 26, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Winterz
  • Check for mentions of Warren Sedoru as a Jedi Master, a mistake you made early and might have forgotten to fix in all the spots. I've found it at least twice in the article, so there might be more.
    • None left.
  • How do you know that T-7 was the Knight's companion when he faced the Emperor? Pardon me if I missed the part :c
    • He's required—he's the only non-biological companion, so he won't be affected by the Emperor.
      • Add the explanation in the BtS section.
        • Done.
  • Like it was already mentioned, there's still too many redlinks.
    • Done.
      • I know that is isn't necessary, but there's still 2 redlinks and 1 redirect in case you want to deal with them. Winterz (talk) 19:57, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
        • Removed the redirect, I'll get to the redlinks in a little while.
  • I've been waiting for this for nearly 5 months. One of the Wiki's largest articles. Amazing work, Cade. Do you have your eyes on another class' project yet? Winterz (talk) 16:55, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
    • Nah, I'm gonna finish the rest of the project. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 18:40, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • IMDB as a source? I've been told that it isn't exactly reliable, so I believe you should remove it. Plus I'm sure there are other more reliable sources for that sentence. Winterz (talk) 19:57, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
    • Eh, switched to the game itself. It's in the credits. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 20:11, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
Driveby... of Tython
  • There are way too many images. In a situation like this, where there are no available images of the article's subject, it's better to use images of semi-relevant things sparingly --- it doesn't really add anything to the article to have an image of another new character every two paragraphs, especially when you consider that the article is about the Hero, not the events in which he participated. The relevance of some of the images seems like a pretty big stretch, anyway, with "Kira spent her childhood at the Sith Academy on Korriban" being the most glaring. The overabundance of images honestly detracts from the article rather than benefiting it; I think you'd be better off jettisoning a whole lot of them. Menkooroo (talk) 09:34, November 13, 2012 (UTC)
    • ... but... but.... fine. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 05:03, November 27, 2012 (UTC)
      • I think you could have a feeewwwww more than what's there now. Every two paragraphs was too much, but with the long stretches of imageless text I see now, it seems like too little. Go for a happy medium! Menkooroo (talk) 05:40, November 27, 2012 (UTC)
        • This is an ongoing process; I'll continue tonight. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit
          • Aaannd we're done! Images added. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 18:05, February 13, 2013 (UTC)
Coruscant bureaucracy
  • Preliminary objection: Some of the headings I feel are mislead. The heading "Knighthood" you may want to change to "Coruscant mission" or something similiar since that section deals with his missions on Coruscant, not his entire knighthood. Also the heading "Supreme Commander" this may be just me but I wouldn't want to confuse it with the Republic Military Supreme Commander.
    • Done.
  • I'll have more later. Coruscantfan (Talk) 02:39, February 12, 2013 (UTC)
  • Can you add something under Behind the scenes, maybe under game mechanics, to the effect that for simplicity's sake you haven't added any of the hundreds of missions that the Hero can undertake on various world that are not specifically a part of the class even though they can effect storylines etc.
    • Done.
  • Training on Tython: Link for Shan's personnel chambers
    • Done.
  • Link for the ancient ruins of the J'daii Coruscantfan (Talk) 03:08, March 2, 2013 (UTC)
    • It's Kaleth, which is linked in the preceding paragraph; I simply gave more context on Kaleth by describing it that way. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 03:13, March 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • A lot of these are linking which I would do myself but I'd rather you look at them to make sure I didn't notice you linking them somewhere else and I just missed it cause I'm blind. :)
  • "Early Knighthood": Customs station can be linked to Customs Enforcement Division
  • When you discuss Carrson and her security team you can probably link that to Unidentified Coruscant Security Force agent. You can also link police officer somewhere in there.
  • Also "security forces" here can be linked to CSF, unless you want to mention that in some other way or link it to Law enforcement agency.
  • Under "The Architect of Annihilation": and leaked it to his father whose father and is there an article for the father?
  • Under "The Power Guard project": Can you vary your use of the word "but" After freeing the agents, the Knight found Chief Rieekan dead, but Special Agent Tander and Agent Diyaz were still alive—but Tander began to panic and decided to abandon the Jedi. Tander ordered Diyaz to pack up and leave, but the Knight thought quickly and gently persuaded the Twi'lek agent to stay, an action that did not pass unnoticed by Diyaz.
  • You may have already linked this somewhere but can "commandos" be linked to Republic trooper. commandos as members of Blackstar Squad, a unit from the Republic Special Forces Division
  • Under "The Death Mar": Death Mark laser is a redirect
  • Alde is also a redirect
  • More later. Good job so far, I'm impressed! Coruscantfan (Talk) 04:59, March 7, 2013 (UTC)
    • All of the above done. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 05:12, March 7, 2013 (UTC)
The Floydian attack
  • I feel like the intro could be a bit longer. With such a gigantic, titanic article, you have to be leaving some useful info out.
  • Intro: "earned a loyal companion in the astromech droid T7-O1." And how did he do this?
  • A little more detail on the "Sith plot" in the intro would be appreciated.
  • Intro: Context on the Coruscant Aegis squadron. No idea what it is or who it works for.
  • Intro: "The events on Coruscant" What events?
  • Intro: "turned the entire strike team to the dark side." And how did he do this?
  • Intro: "the Hero was freed by the ghost of Master Din" Since when was Din dead?
  • Intro: Context on what the Emperor's Wrath is.
    • All of these should have been addressed in the expansion.
  • You need to link T7-O1 and "Teeseven" together in the intro. Make it clear they're the same entity.
    • I couldn't do it without making it awkward, so I kept it as only T7-O1 for the intro. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 03:58, March 1, 2013 (UTC)
      • Make sure you do it in the body then. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:03, March 4, 2013 (UTC)
        • Never mind, I fixed it in the intro for Teeseven.
  • Take care of these and I'll move into the body.
  • A destiny foreseen: More context is needed on the Sith Emperor and his plots.
  • "until he encountered the Jedi Knight from his vision, the Hero of Tython,[12] and began to aid the young Jedi." Doesn't really fit with the timeline.
  • Article for the shuttle he takes to Tython?
  • Article for the lake?
  • You should mention his use of a vibrosword earlier, when he first starts fighting the Flesh Raiders.
  • In the description of the fight with Callef, it's sometimes unclear which apprentice you're referring to. Try to refocus it.
  • Seeing a lot of "ing" verbs, cut down a little.
  • Why did Din send him to speak to Sumari?
  • Article for the weapons cache?
  • "At this point, the Matriarch was forced to retire because of her illness" What illness? This hasn't been mentioned before.
  • Context on Saylew.
  • Article for the surveillance devices?
  • "whose weakness he believed had allowed the Sith to win the Great War." This is the first time you've mentioned the Great War. Context.
  • " Defeating the Flesh Raiders' leader in the process" Is this the same Flesh Raider leader as before?
  • "and told the droid to send all of the information on the Forge to Teeseven right away." And what did they learn.
  • I'd like more info on the Forge - mention the whole Je'daii connection, what it was and how it was used.
    • Not seeing a change on this one. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:01, March 5, 2013 (UTC)
      • Woops. Since there's actually a question as to whether the Forge was used by the Je'daii, I simply went with "the ancient Jedi". Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 01:18, March 5, 2013 (UTC)
  • Link to his battle with Morr?
  • Also, contextify Morr as a Nautolan. You call him that without context or a link to Nautolan.
  • "misguided Nautolan" "Misguided" seems POV.
  • Would it be feasible to have an article for the Hero's lightsaber?
    • Not in my opinion, as the Hero possibly gets a second one almost right away, and they could potentially change lightsabers frequently.
  • Don't start sentences with "but". Have seen this multiple times in this section alone.
    • All of the above done. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 04:54, March 4, 2013 (UTC)
  • Will continue later. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:03, March 4, 2013 (UTC)
  • Thar be redlinks. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:01, March 5, 2013 (UTC)
  • Article for the shuttle that he goes to Carrick Station in?
  • Context on the "way of the Jedi Sentinel or that of the Jedi Guardian"?
  • "and when the astromech remarked on how much Coruscant had changed, the droid told the Knight" This would make more sense if it was the Knight telling the droid the information after the astromech made the remark, or vice versa. Is this correct?
    • No, Teeseven's the one talking. Clarified.
  • "about the Sith's Sacking of Coruscant and the death of Teeseven's previous master, Jedi Master Ven Zallow." In addition, context on this stuff.
    • Gave context on the Sacking the first time it appears, when it's mentioned about Bengel Morr, but also gave context on Zallow.
  • You should probably say the Planet Prison is a superweapon right when you introduce it. For example: "his invention, a superweapon known as the Planet Prison."
  • Article for the Coruscant security network?
  • "the Knight easily defeated Garn" Is it 100% correct to say he "easily" defeated him? I may be wrong, but I imagine the difficulty would vary depending from player to player.
  • When describing Tarnis' kidnapping, you take a little while to actually identify the kidnappers as Black Sun. You should do so earlier.
  • Same paragraph: Two straight sentences with "locked in a firefight/stalemate". Vary it.
  • You say the Masters depart Coruscant, but where exactly are they going?
  • "manipulating both the Republic and Black Sun to his own ends:" And what ends were those? Yes he faked the kidnapping, but what was he doing in the first place?
  • Article for the guy who tried to shoot the Hero in the back? Is that feasible or does it change?
    • Nah, he's one of five generic NPCs who look identical.
  • You should probably identify the other two hologram Sith as Praven and Nefarid earlier than you do.
  • You should also give context as to Darth Angral's connection to the Sacking of Coruscant, to make this comment: "and—unlike the Sacking of Coruscant—there would be no mercy this time" make more sense. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:53, March 6, 2013 (UTC)
    • All of the above done. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 03:20, March 6, 2013 (UTC)
  • "and spoke with Grand Master Shan via holocomm and General Suthra," This is kinda awkward here.
  • Wait, doesn't Carsen already have a Master? Kiwiiks, correct? Any information on why this change is made?
  • "hack into the facility's transmission." What facility? The Sith listening post? The spaceport?
  • Article for the taxi station?
    • Changed to "outskirsts of the base," as it's not exactly a true taxi station.
  • Also, article for the island?
  • "The astromech found the record of Angral's transmission to Coruscant almost immediately and was able to trace the Sith Lord's signal back to the source and recover a copy of the files that Tarnis had sent to his father." Now this is a real run-on sentence right here. Split it up or rearrange it.
  • Article for the battle in the spaceport with Ferav?
  • "haunted by strange beasts" Such as?
    • Changed to "wild," I'm not sure it's really necessary to specify the different species.
  • "that Suthra would later weaponize in the Cold War, including the Planet Prison." Didn't Tarnis do this though?
  • Can we get a link for the cloaking device the Sith were using?
  • Who exactly was Watcher One? Was he a simple agent or something more than that?
  • Article for the tracking relays, perhaps?
  • The whole deal with Watcher One and Godera in the factory needs to be made clearer. It seems that the body that the Hero finds is actually Godera's assistant, correct? There needs to be a link to that assistant, and that fact needs to be made clearer. Or, was the "assistant" that Watcher One shot the droid? IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:20, March 7, 2013 (UTC)
    • All of the above done. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 03:06, March 7, 2013 (UTC)
  • "Suthra then warned the Jedi about the project itself," Wait, what project? You never said they were gonna deal with a project.
  • "After the Treaty," You should probably clarify what treaty this was.
  • Your capitalization of the "project" in "Power Guard Project" is not consistent.
  • "but the whole area had become hostile to outsiders in the last few days" How so?
  • "who was concerned that the Imperials had made them:" Made them what?
  • Also, context on omega alert.
  • "he congratulated the Jedi on the defeat of Ferav and Watcher One, and that he had been waiting for the Knight" He congratulated the Jedi that he had been waiting for the Knight?
  • You describe Galen asking the Hero to kill him twice, which is unnecessary.
    • It's because he asks the Hero to do it twice.
  • Context on death mark.
  • "Game-changing" seems pretty colloquial.
  • Article for the Imperial ship?
  • Context on the Sith Emperor. Also, he goes unlinked.
    • He's already been linked and given context at the top of the article.
  • Link for the duel with Valis?
    • It's linked in the {{Main}} template.
  • Context on the First Son. Any distinction from a normal Child? IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:58, March 8, 2013 (UTC)
    • All done.
  • "Carsen seemed very concerned about her master's failure to report back in," But Kiwiiks isn't her Master anymore, correct? The Hero is.
  • "the trio landed their craft at the spaceport in Anchorhead," The trio? The Hero, Carsen and who?
  • Article for the mountains where the Tatooine facility was located?
  • "The only things he did attack were Brrik's droids, telling the scientist that they were no threat and did not deserve to die." From the way this sentence is worded, it seems the antecedent of "they" is Brrik's droids. I assume this is not the case.
  • "The Knight successfully defeated Praven in combat" I feel like the "successfully" is unnecessary here.
  • "so that Angral would spare him further humility," Spared further humility? Do you mean "further humiliation"?
  • "Praven then informed his enemy that his honor demanded that the Sith surrender to Angral," Wait, Praven would surrender to Angral? Not the Hero? I'm not exactly following this.
    • Clarified.
  • "One of the founding worlds of the Republic, Alderaan had been embroiled in a brutal civil war for much of the past decade over which noble house would take the throne, and the Republic was backing House Organa in opposition to both the Imperial-sponsored House Thul and the independent House Ulgo, whose leader Bouris Ulgo—a former Republic general—had declared himself king not long after the last queen's death in the early days of the Cold War." This is a looooooooooooong sentence. Split it up.
  • Article for the holorelays, perhaps?
  • I think you should identify the research facility as the Mensaav Laboratory right when you introduce it.
  • "The Mirialan had given Nefarid's forces the lab's location," Nefarid? When did he come into play? Is this when they learned he was involved? If so, that should be changed.
  • "Nefarid contacted the Jedi several times and taunted his opponent," And how exactly did he do this?
  • I'm seeing you call Aleyna Hark by her first name. This is a no-no.
  • Could we get an article for the Din-Angral battle? It seems that there was a duel of some sort.
  • "Nefarid allowed his Force cloak to fade" Could you possibly mention this earlier, perhaps as the reason he was in the shadows? IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:07, March 11, 2013 (UTC)
  • Seeing some contractions in your writing. Remove these, they aren't encyclopedic tone.
  • "He had planted a tracker aboard the Oppressor at the cost of his own life" How is this particular action "at the cost of his own life"? Was he killed while doing this? Was he on the ship for that particular purpose?
  • "Carsen believed that Angral could only do so much damage to the planet with one ship, but Godera countered her by reminding everyone of Taris" This requires some additional context, since you don't mention previously anywhere that the devastation of Taris was by just one ship.
    • Specified about the Leviathan.
  • "a reminder that proved correct when the Knight arrived in-system, as Uphrades had been devastated." Could we get just a touch of info on exactly what was done to the planet, if possible?
    • Gave it further context, but it's not explained in-game until Godera discusses the Desolator during that conversation.
  • Is an article for the Sith assassin who holds the Daybreaker's command crew hostage possible, or is he just a random NPC?
  • Same thing for the Sith apprentice that attacks them on the Oppressor in the Showdown section.
    • Both are random.
  • "dispatched boarding pods to eliminate them, and Captain Dal was confident that there were no survivors." No survivors from the boarding pods? It's unclear.
  • You should identify Senessa as a Mirialan when you first introduce her.
  • "The Mon Calamari began preparations for food rationing on the capital after learning of what had transpired on the Daybreaker," After learning what had transpired on the Daybreaker, not what happened to Uphrades?
  • "Angral had departed Uphrades so quickly because he had already chosen a new target." Make it completely clear that this "new target" is Tython.
  • Is it possible to link to the reactor relays?
    • Eh, they're really just reactors.
  • When Carsen is possessed by the Emperor, it might be beneficial to remind the reader that this is a result of her being a Child of the Emperor, instead of in the next paragraph.
  • "Released from the Emperor's will briefly," Any reason why this came about?
    • It's just how the cinematic plays out.
  • "Angral reminded her of her role as a Child of the Emperor" And what exactly is that role?
    • Changed to heritage, it was my attempt to explain why she was possessed.
  • "and that he would not allow those futures to come to pass." What futures?
    • No idea, it's just what the Emperor says.
  • Wouldn't it just be better to just refer to the Hero of Tython as the "Hero" after he receives that title? It could help avoid any confusion that comes with just calling him the "Knight", especially in situations where other Jedi Knights are involved.
    • I use Knight and Jedi to vary up the wording. Would it be better if I used "Hero" every time (or almost every time?)
      • I would say so. Considering that he comes into contact with many Jedi over the ensuing events, it would be best to try and clear up any potential confusion. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:47, March 19, 2013 (UTC)
  • Link for the Lower Industrial Sector?
    • Already linked in the Nar Shaddaa section.
  • Will continue soon. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:55, March 15, 2013 (UTC)
    • All done.
  • Article for the ship that crashed on Tatooine?
  • "Din's spirit instructed his former student to travel to Tatooine, where a ship had crashed in the desert," So does Din order the Hero to investigate this or something? The way this is worded the two seem unrelated.
  • I think a little more context on the whole crashed ship deal is needed. Who was he taking the logs to and what exactly happened? Do we know?
  • Article for Bugtown?
  • In the last couple sentences of Battlefields of Balmorra's first paragraph, you use "facility" four times. Vary up the word choice.
  • Could there be an article for the Imperial computer network on Balmorra?
    • There's not really enough information on it, or really a need for one, in my opinion.
  • "as a result of the decade-long occupation," Decade-long? Earlier you say they had been holding out against the Imperials for over thirty years.
    • Typo.
  • Article for Gorinth Outpost?
  • Could we perhaps get a link for the Imperial capture of Camp Conquest?
    • Eh, that's really a part of the larger Battle of Balmorra, so I'm not sure it needs its own article.
  • I'm assuming the Imperial commander of Camp Conquest is just a random NPC, correct?
  • Article for Remmy?
  • Also, some context on how Remmy knows Doc, since you say he was "surprised to see" Doc. More to come soon. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:47, March 19, 2013 (UTC)
  • "The Kel Dor asked the Hero and company to find and help Sajar, as the military base would fall without Jedi aid, and the Hero received another visit from Master Din's ghost warning the Knight to aid Sajar just before the group set off for the planet." Don't like the flow of this sentence, I think these thoughts should be brought up separately.
  • "was guarding a Republic military base on Quesh," You should conclusively identify this as the Adrenal Research Facility the first time you mention it.
  • Article for the Imperial officer who recognized Sajar? Doesn't seem like he actually appears, so I bet one is possible.
  • "while the Knight defended the facility's entrance with the Republic defenders." Defended with defenders, try to vary up the word choice.
  • The Emperor's Wrath is Scourge, correct? Identify him as such. Although the Hero might not know him, he's already been introduced, and revealed as the Emperor's Wrath, earlier in the article.
  • "The strike team's target on the planet was the ship of an Imperial scientist" Link for this ship?
  • Article for the SIS raid on the Nar Shaddaa intelligence base... and perhaps the base itself?
  • "an abandoned outpost that used to belong to the Ortolan species." It just belonged to the species itself? Was it a colony of some sort?
  • Link for the forward outpost that Narezz defends?
  • What exactly is Grossh's role? Is he some sort of chief?
    • No idea, I think he's just a lieutenant or something, but I'm not sure.
  • "The White Maw pirates had made a base in a spire in the middle of the trench," Is this the same as the Firefrost place? If it is, identify it as such. If not, new link.
  • "Sergeant Rusk had made it out alive as well&, with his squad intact." Were you going to put an "and" here, or is this just a typo?
  • Will continue tomorrow. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:55, March 24, 2013 (UTC)
    • All done.
  • "When the Hero contacted Braga back on the ship, the Jedi Master praised the Knight for the mission's success and ordered the Jedi back to Tython. Back on the Order's homeworld," Major Chris Berman here. "Backbackbackback..."
  • "However, their conversation was interrupted by Grand Master Shan, Masters Jaric Kaedan and Bela Kiwiiks, and Jomar Chul. While she still supported the plan," Who is "she" in this scenario? You just mentioned four different Jedi.
  • Seeing some tense issues in the Descent into darkness section. In fact, I've seen them here and there throughout the article; you might want to give this a closer look.
  • "to find Lord Scourge—the Emperor's Wrath from Quesh—" You already identified him as such in the last section. Fix this.
  • Is it really accurate to continue calling him a "young Jedi"? He certainly seems to be a veteran at this point.
  • "and Scourge ignored the Hero's threats to politely ask if the group should leave before more guards arrived." I'm not sure what's going on here. Is Scourge the one asking? Or is the Hero threatening to ask?
  • "few others had broken free of the Emperor's hold." Any particular reason you link to Malak here? I mean, he's already linked in the article, but he could be mentioned if it applies.
    • Meh, I think Scourge references Malak in a later conversation, but that's not related here.
  • Will continue with "Holocaust" soon. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:37, March 25, 2013 (UTC)
    • All of the above done. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 04:13, March 25, 2013 (UTC)
  • "Belsavis was a strange world," Strange seems POV to me.
  • "At the cost of her own life, Hareth was buying time for her lover Krannus to complete his real plan, and the two Sith" Who is the second Sith? Is Krannus there all of a sudden?
  • Could we get an article for the sub-dermal tracking chips? They seem unique enough.
  • What exactly are the Blood of Talath? Are they a prison gang? Just calling them a "group" is a little vague.
  • "Rayfel revealed that the scientists were not just hostages—" Well then what were they?
  • "Taldine's scans were accurate—Doctor Gantrell was deep in the prison," You should mention these scans a little earlier, when the Hero goes into the area following Taldine's "advice" - it seems that the advice is that Gantrell is in Block J-9.
    • Bah, I was wrong, it's the scientists who told the Knight were to go.
  • "The red-skinned Imperial warned the Hero" Who is this? Is this Krannus?
  • Could we perhaps get a link for hyperspace core?
    • Already linked higher up at its first mention.
  • Article for Warden Playt?
  • "and she began to taunt Chul about their secret relationship" Their secret relationship? Context please.
  • "Before leaving, Chul apologized for his previous opinion of the Knight" Which was? I'm assuming it was negative. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:24, March 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • "Landing aboard the Republic's orbital station," This is over Voss, correct? Say so.
  • What is the Flamewood? Is it a forest?
  • Perhaps an article for Tala-Reh's camp?
  • "forcing the Jedi to cut the three down with a sweep of a lightsaber." This makes it sound like there's one big sweep that kills all three. However, I'm sure the events of the battle vary from player to player.
  • "Phraken-Nal excused himself to speak with the scouts," What scouts? Who else was there with them?
  • Context on the Gormak Guardian.
  • Wait, are the Gormak Guardian and the vorantikus one and the same? The way you're describing the dialogue before the fight makes it seem possible.
    • Yep, they're the same.
  • "and the Sith sorcerer was furious to learn that the Mystic had betrayed him when Tala-Reh arrived moments after the Knight." Did he really only learn this at this precise moment? Not when the Hero showed up in the first place?
    • Yeah, he actually is rather confused during the conversation and doesn't know how the Hero found him until Tala-Reh shows up; then he realizes that Valen-Da betrayed him and gets pissed.
  • You should probably provide some context on Sel-Makor when you first mention it. Is it some sort of dark side entity?
  • "and the sorcerer was soon laid low by the Hero's blade." Laid low? Not only does this sound vaguely sexual, I have no idea what it's supposed to mean.
  • Shouldn't there be a link to the Battle of Corellia in the Valiant section?
  • More to come. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 04:20, March 29, 2013 (UTC)
  • "but the Grand Master suspected that Master Braga would be able to block the Republic's efforts using his knowledge." Using his knowledge of what?
    • No idea; it's just what Shan says.
  • "the Hero rescued Unaw Aharo—now a Jedi Knight—" You link to Unaw Aharo, but "now a Jedi Knight" makes it sound like we should already be aware of who he is.
    • Bah. He's the Bith apprentice from Tython.
  • Perhaps a link for the apartment building Aharo is in? This part: "some of the Corellians had paid with their lives for allowing him to use the building as his base," seems to make it unique enough.
  • What about the tunnels under the shipyards? Enough there?
    • Not really.
  • "Leaping to the Jedi Master's defense, the Knight somersaulted over the two assassins and cut them down with a single sweeping cut before they could react." Not an objection, but I'm assuming this is a cutscene, right?
    • Yep.
  • "the Togruta Master warned the Supreme Commander that she had never fully recovered from Tatooine." How so?
  • Link for the Labor Valley?
  • "was willing to attack the Imperial capitol with an invasion fleet in order to buy the Knight time." Capitol or capital? Seems like the second one fits better.
  • "the Hero was forced to fend off blow after blow from the various Emperors," I don't really like this wording. There was only one actual Emperor there.
    • They're phantoms, but they still hurt you.
  • So there's the bio. Will resume with P&T soon. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:05, March 30, 2013 (UTC)
  • "but she was unwilling to allow her villagers to kill the Padawan who had aided them." I know this Padawan is the Hero, but the way you write this sentence as a whole seems to differentiate this Padawan and the Hero.
  • "The Knight made frequent use of meditation to center one's emotions and heal," To center one's emotions? Or just his?
  • "Able to inspire even the most downtrodden and broken soldiers to follow the Jedi into battle," Does "the Jedi" mean the Hero in particular? As it reads now it seems like you mean the Jedi in general.
  • "As the Knight traveled across the galaxy, these five individuals joined the Jedi's quest, taking a place aboard the crew of the Hero's ship." Doesn't this sentence really say the same thing as the one before?
  • "while the ambassador had resigned after the attempt, he had lived a long and prosperous life afterwards thanks to Teeseven, and to the Hero was a success." What was a success? The ambassador or T7's mission?
  • "despite her misgivings about what she felt from their enemy's mind." Which was...?
  • "The Padawan's bravest moments on Tython" Isn't this kinda POV?
    • Changed to in Din's opinion
  • Is there really nothing more about his Force abilities that can go in the P&A?
    • Nah, there's a lot of difference between the Guardian and the Sentinel. The Guardian uses the Force more than the Sentinel, and they've got different abilities.
  • And that's it. This was... big. But it was good. One of the very best I've ever read, actually. Don't tell anyone I actually complimented you. :P IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:51, March 31, 2013 (UTC)
    • All done. Thanks. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 00:56, March 31, 2013 (UTC)
Winterz, again
  • It needs to be updated with information from the "Rise of the Hurt Cartell" expansion. Winterz (talk) 03:18, April 12, 2013 (UTC)
    • I noticed your addition to the Bts, but that is a no-no. I've been watching it carefully and each class has unique storylines, so that addition is very much incorrect. Winterz (talk) 03:57, April 12, 2013 (UTC)
      • That is most definitely not true, Winterz. I've watched a trooper play the Republic storyline on YouTube, and it's the exact same story as the one I'm currently playing as a Knight. There are separate storylines for the Repubic and the Empire, though. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 04:01, April 12, 2013 (UTC)
        • My bad then. Winterz (talk) 04:07, April 12, 2013 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • Intro
  • Early Knighthood
    • "He believed that it was one of the most humane weapons ever created..." Since he turned out to be a Sith, do you think that you can say that his statement is still true?
  • All right, besides quite a few missing links, that is all that I found for the Prologue sections and the intro.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:25, June 7, 2013 (UTC)
  • The Power guard project
    • "A scan of Galen by Teeseven revealed that 66.3% of the agent's biological mass had been replaced with cybernetics, and Galen explained that resisting Sadic's commands caused unbearable pain." Is the player required to have Teeseven at this point? If not, you might need to change this slightly.
    • I redlinked the Mark I, Mark II, and Mark III power guards, since they seem worthy enough to each have an article.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 23:29, June 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • Battlefields of Balmorra
    • "The Knight spoke with Doc, who warned the Jedi that more Colicoids were on the way, and he ordered the medic to get back." Who is the "he" asking the medic to get back?
      • Woops, it's the Knight. Fixed. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 19:20, July 6, 2013 (UTC)
    • The article currently has ten redlinks which is well over the limit.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:40, July 6, 2013 (UTC)
      • I believe it's down to 2 at the moment, and I'll be getting those in the coming days. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 20:59, July 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • Holocaust
    • I'm not sure what to call it, but I think there should be a name for the overall events on Belsavis. (This would put it over the redlink limit.)
      • Done.
    • I believe that Krannus' death cult should be moved to Krannus's death cult since 's is needed unless the possessive is plural.
      • Done.
    • What is a hyperspace core? You did not describe it that I could see. From the article for hyperspace core it does not really make sense.
      • Done.
  • Visions
    • Is the Commando is "Voss Commandos" capitalize or not. You do it both ways in the article.
      • Done.
    • I think you should link to Poem about Tala-Reh's husband somewhere in this section, but I am not sure where.
      • Done.
  • Commanding the Jedi
    • You linked Gowix Corporation to Gowix Computers. I seem to remember that you decided that these were not the same thing.
      • Done.
  • Besides my Belsavis event article request, eight redlinks in the article.
    • I'll get them in the next few days. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 21:39, July 18, 2013 (UTC)
      • Down to 2, those'll be gone soon. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 02:05, July 19, 2013 (UTC)
  • I have finished checking over the bio, and will move on to the rest of the article fairly soon.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 00:08, July 18, 2013 (UTC)
  • Personality and traits
    • "...and help them onto the right path." Seems kind of point-of-view to me.
  • Powers and abilities
    • ""...though the color of the blade may have changed throughout the coming wars with the Empire." Isn't this speculation?
  • Behind the scenes
    • You mention side missions that can be completed by any faction. Shouldn't you mention side missions that can be completed by any member of the Republic faction? While some missions overlap between the two factions, this is not particularly common.
      • Fixed; I meant classes, not faction. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 02:10, July 19, 2013 (UTC)
    • One last comment: You use the companion conversations in the BTS to describe the interactions between the Hero and the companions. It seems to me that this is just as optional as the side missions that you mention in the BTS. You include that one companion mission with Carsen at the end of the bio. Provided you do not gain dark side points for going on a side mission it seems to me that these should be mentioned somewhere in the body. As for placement, I think you could use the mission level to position where the mission occurred, without breaking up any main missions. Then you could leave a BTS note about the placement. If you add this information to the Hero's article, you should probably add it to the companion articles as well if the information is not there already.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 01:44, July 19, 2013 (UTC)
Dogma has too much time on his hands
  • Early life: context on Tython
  • "... other apprentice arrived, and informed the injured Bith that he would be the first of many Jedi to fall. However, when the second Jedi arrived..." I would switch out one of the arrives here.
    • There is still two arrives. >.>
  • "The apprentice rushed back to Kalikori Village to warn Din, but Tao'Ven—who had been appointed Matriarch after her mother's death—had not yet received any news." What does recieving news have anything to do with the apprentice coming back>????
  • That's up to Early Knighthood reviewed. I will be back. FOR SPARTA! 501st dogma(talk) 23:57, August 19, 2013 (UTC)
  • Strike of the Desolator quote: I would say in the attribution that it was said to the Hero. Now it sounds like the two Sith are talking to one another.
  • Context on Tatooine and Alderaan in Carsen's secret.
  • I'll continue with the Death Mark section later. 501st dogma(talk) 17:52, August 20, 2013 (UTC)
  • Uprades section: "When the frigate had tried to run, the Oppressor dispatched boarding pods to eliminate them, and Captain Dal was confident that there were no survivors on Uphrades." The bolded part doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the sentence, so I would move it, or reword. 501st dogma(talk) 14:29, August 21, 2013 (UTC)
  • Hunt for the Plans: Context on Hoth
  • Reviewed up to Decent into Darkness. 501st dogma(talk) 12:12, August 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • "However, the former Child was worried: she believed the mission was a trap. However, Carsen was able to put aside her fear and..." Kill one of these howevers.
  • Context on Rayfel in the Belsavis section: What is he a Commander of? Imperial forces? And how can he absorb the scentitist's life force???
    • I'm still confused as how he can use the scientists as batteries.
      • So am I, Dogma. So am I. It's weird; he shoots the scientist, and he begins to glow with dark energy. It's never really explained. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:59, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • What is a hyperspace-powered core??? (Holocaust section) I'm also confused as to whether they are detonating the central power core of the prison, or the core of Belsavis.
    • Still confused as to what a hyperspace powered core is....
      • Bah, I thought I said something. I have no honest idea; it's just what the core is called. No explanation about why. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:58, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • 4th paragraph of Visions: Is it really necessary to have the Voss women tell the Hero of her husband's death in such a detailed way? I think you should cut it down a bit.
  • Visions: Context on Talan-De
  • Reviewed up to the Valient' section. 501st dogma(talk) 17:28, August 23, 2013 (UTC)
  • "Shan informed the Hero of forthcoming reinforcements from the Outer Rim Territories.." Are these Republic, or Sith forces?
  • Reviewed up until Doomsday. 501st dogma(talk) 16:12, August 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • "Sith and Jedi slowly advanced toward each other, with the Knight deflecting the Emperor's attack with a lightsaber, until with a spin the Hero managed to deal a devastating strike to the Sith's flank as the two passed each other." is he still shooting lightning the entire time?
    • Done. You gonna strike any of these, bro? Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 00:41, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • There, reviewed the entire History, and up to the Carsen section in the P&T. 501st dogma(talk) 00:31, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • Finished reading over the entire thing. 501st dogma(talk) 18:43, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
    • Not sure if you missed it, but there is an objection you did not answer still above. 501st dogma(talk) 21:02, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
Cav is going to regret this
  • Intro: Despite the Emperor's immense power, the Knight struck down the Sith ruler, - given that I know from previous status articles that this is not the Emperor per se, but a Voice, should the wording be changed to reflect this? Currently, it implies a definitive end, which is incorrect.
  • Jedi Master Derrin Weller - his articles states he is a Knight, not a Master. Please correct as necessary.
  • I'm noticing a fondness for "stormed/storming" when describing events. You may want to see if you can vary some.
    • I've counted 14 usages throughout the article, some within two-three paragraphs of each other.
  • Up to "Strike of the Desolator". Will continue soon-ish. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 14:06, September 11, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nar Shaddaa's place in the black market for both adrenal and cybernetics - adrenal what?
    • Done.
  • The cyborg's size and power allowed him to bat aside the Jedi's companion like an insect, but the Knight and Galen stood strong against the Sith's attacks and wore him down. Together, the three were able to overcome the Sith - the note about the companion being "batted aside" indicates that they were taken out of the fight, leaving only the Hero and Galen. The next line seems to contradict this.
    • I was actually trying to describe Sadic's ability to knock back his opponents—it's one of the most annoying abilities an enemy can have in TOR—but I made it clearer that Sadic is able to knock back any of the three, though they keep fighting him.
  • Context on Elin Garza
    • Done. 17:32, September 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • Up to Battlefields of Balmorra - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 14:24, September 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • Refering to "Doc" by his nickname throughout should be changed to "Kimble." I know Doc is the name he's most known by, but we know his correct name and this should be used for formality.
    • Well, the player doesn't learn Kimble's real name until the awards ceremony on the Valiant quite a while later, and he's never referred to as Kimble in the game other than that. I'd almost argue that he should be referred to as "Doc" until that time.
  • When Remmy learned that the two needed to access the upper levels, he agreed to help, as he was assigned to waste management, but was worried about the guards. - why is his being assigned to waste management as reason to help? Or does being in waste management allow him to help? Clarification needed
    • Clarified: apparently his being on waste management gives him a "data card" to access the secure labs. *shrug*
  • The cultist charged and attacked the Knight with his increased power, forcing the Hero and company - should this be "companion" or is there more people present with the Hero at this stage?
    • Fixed.
  • The Hero and one of the Jedi's companions then returned to their ship aboard the orbital station, where the Knight and the others contacted Master Shan with news of their success. - this gives the impression that the other companions were left on the surface. Is this the case?
    • Nah, it's a single companion who comes with the Knight back to the ship, where the other four are.
  • During the Corellia section, refering to Praven as "Lord Praven" seems odd given his new position.
    • Done.
  • During the duel with the Emperor section, it should be clear that the Hero is fighting the Voice and the true Emperor is still alive somewhere.
    • Meh. Added at the beginning of their fight. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 15:07, September 17, 2013 (UTC)
  • Up to Relationships. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 14:46, September 17, 2013 (UTC)
  • Flashpoints - I'm a little confused here. Does the Knight have to partake in these missions or not? Its not made explicitly clear in the BTS. If not, then I understand the stance to not include the mission in the Hero's story since it is not confirmed they took place for the character. If, however, the flashpoints are meant to involve the Knight in some canonical way, then a description of the missions somewhere in the article is warranted. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:00, September 18, 2013 (UTC)
    • No, the player is not required. One can participate in any of none of the Flashpointa if they so choose, and the same is true of Operations - dialogue in either will often change to reflect what Flashpointa/operations the player has completed. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 13:50, September 18, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Two instances of dash usage that require cleanup—one in ref 1 and another in the succession boxes.
    • Done.
  • Are comments on Twitter really valid sources? I realize that we do accept certain Tweets as sources, but under the current WP:CANON policy, Hall Hood isn't specifically a Lucasfilm official, so we can't treat his comments as canon like we do for someone like Leland Chee. That's my understanding of the current policy, which isn't to say that the info on the Hero's birth year is unilaterally inaccurate—just that until the policy changes (as I understand it), we shouldn't be treating a writer's comments as canon unless it's through an official venue or publication. Please clarify.
    • I personally see Hood's comments as valid sources, as he's the primary writer for the class and is largely responsible for the character's creation.
      • I realize that he's one of the main writers for TOR, but even though he's largely responsible for creating the character, the fact remains that he released this information through a venue that lacks official license. Almost all Star Wars publications have to go through some form of editorial review with Lucasfilm officials and the Holocron database to ensure canonical cohesion (as I'm sure the entire Jedi Knight class storyline did), whereas comments on Twitter do not. If the information about the Hero's birth approximation is eventually repeated in an officially licensed source, then it can be treated as canon, but until then I don't agree with specifically treating authorial comments as canon because it sets a dangerous precedent, meaning that anyone who's officially involved with Star Wars can, at any time, release unlicensed information (that hasn't undergone the licensing/editorial process) and it will be treated as canon, which it shouldn't be. Again, this is a general rule that WP:CANON covers, and I don't mean any personal disrespect to Hood by bringing it up here. The info can still remain in the article because it's definitely relevant—perhaps as a Bts note (e.g. "According to Hall Hood, the primary writer for the Jedi Knight storyline, the Hero…")—it just shouldn't be in the IU part of the article until it's included in an official source. Does that make sense? CC7567 (talk) 15:55, October 18, 2013 (UTC)
        • I see your point. It's been shifted into the BTS. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:00, October 18, 2013 (UTC)
          • Great, and thanks. Hopefully it'll make its way into a canon source in the near future. CC7567 (talk) 16:10, October 18, 2013 (UTC)
  • Jedi Trials should ideally be pipelinked somewhere in the intro and Bio, in reference to the Hero's ascension to Knighthood.
    • Done.
  • "Tarnis's death at the hands of the Knight": should Duel in the Jedi Temple ruins be pipelinked instead of a direct link to "death"?
  • Are there any more events that should be linked in the intro? Here are some to double-check: "The trio halted the efforts of Imperial Intelligence to capture the Republic scientist Doctor Nasan Godera," "to destroy the Power Guard Project and defeat Angral's apprentice Lord Sadic," "The Knight and crew also hunted down and destroyed the Shock Drum," "whose purpose was to capture the Sith Emperor himself," "While the Jedi recovered a prototype cloaking device on the war-torn planet Balmorra," "and rescued Braga's Padawan Sajar," "as the group traveled to Belsavis in order to prevent the Imperial officer Krannus from destroying the planet," "before traveling to the planet Voss." You don't need to respond regarding all of these, but please check all of them thoroughly.
    • Good point. Done.
  • "Scourge revealed to the Jedi Council": is there enough info to pipelink this as the Jedi High Council?
    • Done.
  • What is the "plague of madness" in the intro? Does this require a link to something?
    • Done.
  • "and led the Outer Rim Jedi Forces as a corrupt they halted Braga's attempts to start the Emperor's ritual": something's not right here, please check.
    • Fixed.
  • "to consume the life of the entire galaxy as he had done on his homeworld of Nathema": I realize that the Sith Emperor's ritual is already linked later in the article, but it sounds like it (along with the Ritual of Nathema, which isn't linked anywhere at all) should be linked here, since this is their first mention in the article.
    • Correct. Fixed.
  • I'll continue with "Early life" once these are fixed. CC7567 (talk) 15:03, October 18, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for taking the time to look at it. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 15:19, October 18, 2013 (UTC)
  • Just as a note, for the sake of convenience, I'm going to be hiding previous objections so that I can more easily navigate through this review page. I'll un-hide the objections after my review is finished.
  • Should Jedi Initiate be linked anywhere? It sounds like at least in "Training on Tython," the individual isn't yet a Padawan learner, and Jedi Initiate is the rank that comes before that. (Or is the use of "initiate" just another synonym for trainee or something?)
    • True; linked.
  • "the Flesh Raiders had the area through a nearby cave": just to double-check, is there a missing word after "had," like "captured"?
    • "were entering". Don't know where that went.
  • Does High Council Chamber (Tython) need to be linked anywhere?
    • Didn't know about that one; linked.
  • "When the Togruta searched the body of the Flesh Raiders' leader": it's not clear who the Togruta is, since both Kiwiiks and Carsen are introduced in the previous sentence. Please clarify.
    • Clarified.
  • There are several uses of "fortunately," "unfortunately," and "luckily" throughout the article, and while I understand why most of them are being used, I'm gonna ask that all of them be removed and/or reworded under WP:NPOV. There are better ways to describe what's going on without having to use "fortune" or "luck," which are rather gray and debatable when it comes to POV.
    • No problem.
  • As you did way back in the Flesh Raider uprising article, please explain more about the "Flesh Raider Adepts" that you mention near the end of "Training on Tython," and their connection to the Force Adepts.
    • Wow. That feels like a while ago. :P
  • Please link lightsaber duel where appropriate in the article; it sounds like it should be linked somewhere around the section on the battle of the Forge, but I'm not quite sure, which is why I'm leaving it up to you. Also, it sounds like lightsaber combat should be pipelinked somewhere in that section of the article as well.
    • Linked to duel in the section on the Bladewielder with Laotah's lightsaber, and combat in the Battle of the Forge.
  • "a duel that saw the apprentice Morr back and ultimately disarm him": something's not right here.
    • Fixed.
  • "and asked the Jedi to allow him to leave and prepare the galaxy for the apprentice's rise": "rise" in what way? Involving the dark side of the Force somehow? Please clarify.
    • I added "rise to power" - Morr's not exactly right in the head; he thinks that a dark side Knight will become some sort of super-powerful warrior. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 17:19, October 20, 2013 (UTC)
  • I'll continue with "Strike on the Desolator" soon. CC7567 (talk) 17:10, October 20, 2013 (UTC)
  • "the Knight and Carsen learned from that Tarnis": a name is missing here.
    • Fixed.
  • "The trio took their new ship to Ord Mantell": who's the "trio"? Coming off the previous section, you only mention the Hero and Carsen, so there's an inconsistency somewhere. Please rectify.
    • T7-O1; named them all.
  • "the Imperials had been aiding the movement by listening in on Republic transmissions from their secret listening post there": I'm rather confused by this sentence; what exactly are you trying to say? Do you mean that the Republic was listening in on the Imperials by eavesdropping on Republic transmissions… from the secret "Imperial" listening post? The "their" in particular is ambiguous, since right now it can refer to the Republic or Empire. Please do so rewording to make this a bit clearer.
    • Good point. Changed to "the Empire's"
  • "After they docked their ship aboard the Ord Mantell Orbital Station, the crew contacted": who's the "crew"? The Hero? Carsen? Teeseven? Anyone else?
    • No, just them, but I changed it to trio anyway.
  • "before the agent shot Godera's mechanical assistant before he cursed the droid": a little too much narrative backtracking with the double use of "before"; please try to reword. You might consider removing the second "before" (e.g. "before he cursed the droid"), since it doesn't seem to be entirely necessary.
    • Yeah, fixed.
  • "the Knight warned the colonists' leader Yelzrin of the coming threat and evacuate the colony": something's missing before "evacuate"; please check.
    • Fixed.
  • "and he ordered the agent to take the Jedi alive and bring them before him": who is "them"? If you're referring to the Hero because the character's gender isn't specified, please find another way of wording this, because "them" is too informal to use for gender-neutral characters.
    • Yes, that refers to the Hero; it must have slipped through my "them"-purge.
  • Does the "spaceport in Olaris" require an article?
    • Redlinked for now.
  • "who returned the now-willing doctor back to the capital": the "now-willing" part is a bit lacking in detail; please explain this more.
    • Done.
  • "Galen reported that the operative whom he had been tracking turned up dead with there was clear evidence of tortue": something's not right here.
    • Fixed.
  • "The Knight and a companion caught the shock troopers by surprise and quickly eliminated them and before they freed their prisoners": this is a run-on due to the use of "and" to link three clauses; please reword to improve the sentence flow.
    • Correct. Fixed.
  • "The communications expert agreed to aid the Jedi": who's the communications expert? It's not entirely clear from the previous paragraph.
    • Diyaz; changed.
  • Please vary one of the uses of "Amused" in the third-to-last paragraph of the Power Guard section.
  • I'll continue with "Carsen's secret" next time. CC7567 (talk) 20:05, October 25, 2013 (UTC)
  • In "The Death Mark," the titles of Count and Duke are consistently capitalized. Are they titles that are always capitalized, like Supreme Chancellor? Otherwise, they should be de-capped (when used to refer to an individual) per the new rule about rank capitalization.
    • Done.
  • "the Oppressor had just arrived in the Tython system—Angral's next target was Tython itself" […] "because he had already chosen a new target—Tython": these are a bit repetitive; please reword.
    • Done.
  • Ref 50 ("Fate of the Jedi") is used twice in the third paragraph of "Showdown," with no intermittent citations. Please check to see if this is just a typo or if there was meant to be another ref somewhere.
    • It appears to be left over from a previous paragraph break. Fixed. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 19:47, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Exam season is almost upon me, so it might be a while before I'm able to pick up reviewing again. I'll continue with "Hunting the Emperor" next time. CC7567 (talk) 19:39, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Sorry for the severe lapse in reviewing, Cade. My exams are almost done, so I'll hopefully have time to pick up reviewing again late this week/early next week. CC7567 (talk) 18:23, December 18, 2013 (UTC)
  • There have been a number of redirects showing up lately for one reason or another; please go through the article and clean them up.
  • "Sajar was refusing to answer his Master's holocalls, but a soldier at the base had contacted Braga and informed him that the compound was surrounded by Imperial forces, and that Sajar refused to act for some reason." Please vary "refused" here.
  • "the Hero received another visit from Master Din's ghost, who warned the Knight to aid Sajar": why exactly did Din's ghost "warn" the Knight to do so? Warning usually implies that there will be some consequence if something isn't done.
  • Just a note: it's not necessary to keep on repeating titles like "Sergeant" Rusk and "Master" Braga if the character is referred to throughout a section. In general, introducing the title the first time the character is mentioned should be enough for the reader unless there's a need to reemphasize the title. This is more of a case-by-case situation and not a general rule, but generally it can get repetitive (and somewhat unnecessary) real fast.
  • "and cry out in fear in confusion": something's not right here, please check.
  • Generally it seems like you've been formatting possessive nouns ending in "s" as "s's" (e.g. "Tarnis's"), but for some reason everything surrounding Fulminiss was formatted differently. Please make sure this is consistent—Fulminiss' base and Attack on Fulminiss' base require some moving.
  • This isn't directly related to the article, but since it's linked within, Sith commander should have an "unidentified" somewhere in its name. If you need help with deleting redirects or anything (since Unidentified Sith commander already exists as a separate article), let me know.
  • "despite her misgivings about what the lack of fear she felt in their enemy's mind": is the "what" placed correctly?
  • Since the Battle of the Forge is a canonical name, it cannot be referred to as such directly in the P&A.
    • All done. This one's left over from before I knew better.
  • Other than that, a stunning project, Cade. I hope you'll reimburse me for any coffee that this review required. CC7567 (talk) 01:27, December 26, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 02:14, December 26, 2013 (UTC)

  • There's too many redlinks! KILL. 501st dogma(talk) 12:35, November 4, 2012 (UTC)
  • I don't feel this warrants an objection, but i think it would be good if the class images from the SWTOR website were used in the Bts, maybe even as a small gallery or something. Commander Code-8 To say hi, press 42 09:43, November 6, 2012 (UTC)
  • "The Hero of Tython was a powerful Jedi Knight". Isn't that a POV? Powerful in relation to what? Says who? Stake black msg 17:26, January 17, 2013 (UTC)
    • Nope. Almost everyone in the game says the Hero's incredibly powerful (including the Emperor), and the OOU Encyclopedia calls them one of the most powerful Jedi seen in generations. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 17:30, January 17, 2013 (UTC)
      • The fact that everyone says it is still POV, though. A good compromise would be something along the lines of "widely regarded as one of the most powerful Jedi seen in generations". Stake black msg 17:34, January 17, 2013 (UTC)
        • It's not POV if the out-of-universe book calls them a powerful Jedi - and it's not just Jedi who say the Hero's powerful, the Emperor himself (the Knight's mortal enemy) calls the Jedi incredibly powerful. POV is for when there's only one side of the argument. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 17:38, January 17, 2013 (UTC)
          • Stake has a point Cade. Just saying the he was powerful is POV. You must say something like "considered by many as a very powerful Jedi" or something within those lines. Winterz (talk) 17:29, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
            • Again, no, I don't. The Encyclopedia says they're powerful, and as long as we have the outdated but sourced statement that Palpatine is the most powerful Sith Lord, there's no grounds for removing an OOU statement. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 17:50, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
              • Just a note, I have been required to reword POV statements even when OOU sources confirmed those statements. As for the use of "powerful," however, I don't really see a problem. It'd be something else if he was claiming the Hero was more powerful than someone else. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 14:37, May 19, 2013 (UTC)
Notes from MJ

I was asked to copy-edit this three months ago and am just now getting to it. I will leave myself notes here regularly to keep track of where I last stopped and may also use this section to ask Cade questions if needed. Actual objections, if any, will be placed in the proper section above.

  • Cade: please check that I correctly interpreted the last sentence of the intro. I slightly rephrased it to avoid the implication that the awards were themselves "despite the Emperor's power", but I'm unsure if the awards were for defeating him or for action in general over the course of the war.
    • No, that's fine. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 01:40, November 26, 2012 (UTC)
  • Continue from Hero of Tython#Biography. —MJ— Training Room 05:07, November 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • Your "M" key stutters. :P
  • On a more serious note, I'm not finding much to change so far.
  • Continue from Hero_of_Tython#Strike_of_the_Desolator. —MJ— Training Room 04:27, November 27, 2012 (UTC)
  • I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean (under "Ord Mantell"): "travel to either Taris and Nar Shaddaa". It should be either "both Taris and Nar Shaddaa" or "either Taris or Nar Shaddaa", but combining "either" with "and" doesn't work. Which is it?
    • Should be "both". Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 04:19, November 30, 2012 (UTC)
  • Continue from Hero_of_Tython#Hunting_the_Emperor. —MJ— Council Chambers 04:16, November 30, 2012 (UTC)
  • Continue from Hero_of_Tython#The_Emperor.27s_War. —MJ— Jedi Council Chambers 04:43, December 2, 2012 (UTC)
  • The quote under "Holocaust" sounds like it's missing a word: "The Emperor has only true goal"
    • Fixed.
  • Link stuff: I removed the link to Before the Republic era because that's an OOU publishing era, not an IU era, and thus shouldn't be linked to outside the BTS. Also, I changed the Executor (Imperial rank) link to Executor (Sith rank), as the former is specifically part of Palpatine's Empire and the two should be kept separate.
    • Alright, I'll create that soon.
  • Continue from Hero_of_Tython#Personality_and_traits. —MJ— Training Room 03:24, December 8, 2012 (UTC)
  • Please double-check my comments from the last session.
  • Under "Relationships" → "Fideltin Rusk", check for a missing word here: "He also believed that the Jedi Code was something that greatly improve the Republic military."
    • Fixed.
  • In the BTS, I removed the reference to Forum:CT:TOR and video game canon. It's not necessary to source a statement that the article makes a certain arbitrary assumption, and the link violates Wookieepedia:Avoid self-references, specifically the section on "Community and website feature references".
    • Alright.
  • Also in the BTS, I would suggest finding new references to replace both of the ones in the second paragraph under "Name and identity". The ones there now violate the rule that Wookieepedia is not a source. Something from the official TOR website would be ideal.
    • Done.
  • And I'm done. Good thing I have no intentions of ever playing TOR, as I'm thoroughly spoiled on the Knight class story now. :P —MJ— Comlink 03:52, December 16, 2012 (UTC)