Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Grif Grawley

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Grif Grawley

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:15, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Probably one of the only two major characters who appeared in the Dark Forces novels but not in the game, the second being Obota. And, unlike Obota, he doesn't even have a CSWE entry. WTH?

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote—Tommy 9281 Sunday, August 7, 2011, 22:01 UTC
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 11:41, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:35, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 17:36, October 8, 2011 (UTC)
  5. JangFett (Talk) 02:46, October 9, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 05:12, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

Object

1829Ymmot
  • "Katarn informed Grawley that Morgan had been killed by Jerec and said that he came to Ruusan on behalf of the Rebel Alliance in an attempt to stop Jerec from obtaining the power located within Ruusan's fabled Valley of the Jedi." This makes it seem like Morgan had come to Ruusan on behalf of the Rebel Alliance.
    • Fixed.
  • The beginning of "Droid encounter's" fourth para is slightly PBP.
  • And so is much of the next para in the same section.
  • The first para of "From mocked drunk to trusted leader" is slightly PBP, and is riddled with "Grawleys.
    • All PBP fixed and the amount of "Grawleys" lessened. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 15:38, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
      • Not so. Much of it still reads step-by-step and is detailed in a conversational format.—Tommy 9281 Friday, July 22, 2011, 20:29 UTC
        • Better now?
  • I'll stop here for now, because PBP profuseness makes reviewing difficult. Fix these and I'll continue.—Tommy 9281 Saturday, July 9, 2011, 00:11 UTC
  • "The surviving colonists, who realized that they had been wrong to ignore Grawley, turned to him for help, arriving at his home and setting off perimeter alarms." I don't understand the necessity of this based on what immediately follows: "Grawley agreed to help the survivors and led the survivors to the previously unexplored territories, where they found the ruins of a temple in the badlands—which had been used by the Jedi as a stronghold during the war—and they settled there."
    • Addressed.
  • The rest of the article is also overly-detailed. A good deal of the PBP stuff needs to be removed before I can complete a thorough review.—Tommy 9281 Friday, July 22, 2011, 20:29 UTC
    • Could you please be more specific? I've read through the rest of the article, namely "Death" and P&T, several more times, but I couldn't find anything outright PBP. It's detailed, yes, that's just how I tend to write, but I wouldn't call it play-by-play. There's a difference. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 10:56, July 31, 2011 (UTC)
      • Most of the "From mocked drunk to trusted leader" section can be condensed, saying the exact same thing in half the words with no loss of context. I understand the need for context and detail, but it tends to get choppy in certain areas. Many words ("survivor," "Katarn," etc.) are used repeatedly and in close succession, lending further to it. I changed as little as possible while trying to avoid impinging on your style, but some of the sections ("Grawley had been right in his suspicions, as the destroyed droid had been dispatched by the Dark Jedi Jerec. Jerec had come to Ruusan in search of the fabled Valley of the Jedi, which contained the trapped souls of the Jedi and Sith who had perished in the final battle of the New Sith Wars a thousand years ago. Jerec sought to harness the power of the Valley and become the new ruler of the Empire" for example) will require a deal of rearrangement. The detail given to the fight between he and the probe droid in "Death" could also be condensed. You could also rework the beginning of the second paragraph of "Inconsistencies," which currently reads as though you are about to present verbatim text.—Tommy 9281 Friday, August 5, 2011, 22:32 UTC
        • OK, I went through those a couple of times. Please have another look. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:54, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
Jangston
  • Shocking no one saw this, please reload your infobox.
    • We can really fix a simple oversight like this ourselves unless the nominator is a noob who needs to be educated on this point. Since I don't think QGJ qualifies, I have dealt with it. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 17:36, October 8, 2011 (UTC)
  • Is there any way you could rewrite the first sentence of the bio? At the moment, it does resemble the first sentence of the intro quite a bit.
    • This doesn't seem like a problem, since the purpose of the intro is to summarize the article, and the sentences are not identical. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 17:36, October 8, 2011 (UTC)
  • That's all I have JangFett (Talk) 15:39, October 6, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 05:12, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

  • I'll be moving to a new place soon, and it may take me some time to set up an Internet connection there, so I may be slow to respond to objections in the coming weeks. Please bear with me. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 15:07, August 15, 2011 (UTC)