Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Gorgodon/Legends

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Gorgodon

  • Nominated by: Ayrehead02 (talk) 23:40, December 23, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The first featured nom for the burner! I don't understand why these weren't in SWTOR.

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Manoof (talk) 12:21, February 14, 2014 (UTC)
  2. I'm sure Jinzler's objections will be addressed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:35, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Jinzler (talk) 05:48, April 22, 2014 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 02:33, May 3, 2014 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 20:46, June 14, 2014 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 15:36, June 17, 2014 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:12, June 28, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Manoof
  • "Skywalker later claimed to have killed three gorgodons on Ilum in a note he left in his copy of The Jedi Path, which he had inherited from Kenobi and was the same copy both Kenobi and Jinn had previously written in." mentioning kenobi twice seems redundant, perhaps rewrite the last part or split into two sentences.
    • Changed to only mention Kenobi once. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:38, February 14, 2014 (UTC)
  • Looks great other than that! Manoof (talk) 06:59, February 14, 2014 (UTC)
Lee's charge
  • Members of the species often encountered members of the Jedi Order, who traveled to Ilum to find crystals with which to build their lightsabers in the Crystal Caves.: Well two times is not very often. Could you change it to sometimes?
  • Mention their non-sentience in the intro.
  • Please mention where they were first pictured and if possible who pictured them in the BtS.
  • There were several errors (links, capitalization or missing letters), but overall good work. Clone Commander Lee Talk 21:33, March 30, 2014 (UTC)
  • Just one more: Members of the species sometimes encountered members of the Jedi Order: Could you find a synonym for one the "members"? Clone Commander Lee Talk 00:21, March 31, 2014 (UTC)
Jinzler
  • From the "Behavior" section: "When attacking or injured the creatures would roar or howl loudly." The use of the present tense word "attacking" and the past tense word "injured" in close succession makes this sentence read quite oddly. Could you please consider rewording this.
  • "Gorgodons constructed nests with shelters inside using boulders, sheets of ice, and snow as well as their saliva, which acted like mortar." This sentence feels in some sense incomplete. Could you please extend it to further clarify how exactly their saliva was like mortar, eg to say "which acted like mortar to bind the nests together" or something similar.
  • The last sentence of the first paragraph of the "History" section is a bit long and unwieldy, could you please try to maybe break it up.
  • "In the year 28 BBY, Kenobi traveled with his apprentice, the Padawan Anakin Skywalker, to Ilum to help his student find a crystal for his lightsaber." Is this referring to Kenobi's lightsaber or to Skywalker's? From the current wording of the sentence this is unclear.
  • "which he had inherited from Kenobi, who along with Jinn had also previously written in the book." It seems a bit unnecessary to mention here that Kenobi had written in his copy of The Jedi Path given that Kenobi's addition to the book is already mentioned in the paragraph above. Could you please consider revising this.
    • Removed unnecessary text. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:18, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  • "Later in about 18 BBY" - are you sure that this date can be reference to Dark Warning? If not, you can reference the c. 18 BBY setting of the novel to The Essential Reader's Companion instead.
  • "The events of this book were also referenced in the 2002 novel, Anakin: Apprentice which provided a summary of what had happened to Anakin Skywalker..." This sentence seems to be describing Path to Truth rather than describing the gorgodons' role in Path to Truth. Could you please revise this and be more specific, so that this sentence essentially states that Skywalker's encounter with the gorgodons as depicted in Path to Truth was later referenced in Anakin: Apprentice.
  • I don't have a copy of Anakin: Apprentice, so I can't check this myself, but I was under the impression that Anakin: Apprentice focuses on what Anakin was up to between Epsiodes I and II, not his activities between Episodes II and III as you state in the article. --Jinzler (talk) 20:10, March 31, 2014 (UTC)
    • You're completely right. Fixed. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:18, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
El Jefe
  • No punctuation in quote attribution.
  • "Large in size, they were partially covered in gray fur on their backs and forearms, a with gray hide, thick enough to prevent blasters from killing the animals, covering all of their bodies except for the head, which was yellow in color." Gotta be split up. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 03:09, May 2, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Please make sure your usage of {{CSWECite}} follows the policy established at the last Mofference.
  • Check your dash usage.
  • "The gorgodon which fought Olin were later killed by stormtroopers of the Galactic Empire." Something's not right here.
  • Based on the number of links that were missing in the intro alone, please take some time to do a thorough copy-edit of the article body to check for underlinking. I'll continue my review once you've done so. CC7567 (talk) 06:05, May 20, 2014 (UTC)
  • "using their hind limbs for standing on": the "for standing on" is a bit awkwardly worded.
  • "a pack would retreat upon picking up the scent of their fellows death": something's not right here.
  • If you're going to cite page numbers or chapters, I'd advise that you pick one or the other for consistency. Please fix.
    • I cite page numbers for source books and chapters for novels. I've been told before to stick to chapters with novels due to different printings having different page numberings and such, but as sourcebooks don't have chapters usually have to give numbers for them. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:32, May 20, 2014 (UTC)
  • "Skywalker later claimed to have killed three gorgodons on Ilum in a note he left in his copy of The Jedi Path, which he had inherited from Kenobi. Skywalker's apprentice, Ahsoka Tano, also later inherited the book": first, "also later" is a bit unnecessary; I'd recommend picking one adverb or the other. Second, please vary your use of "inherited."
  • "gorgodons were simply hungry and could be avoided by give them rations instead of fighting them.'"" Please check; there's an error here.
  • "The Jedi eventually managed to paralyze the gorgodon": if you say that Olin is a "former Jedi," then he can't be referred to as a Jedi here.
  • Aesthetically, please standardize your paragraph size a bit more; the B&A paragraph in particular is rather long and can be split up.
  • Overall, please limit your usage of "also"—check throughout the article, but your overusage of the word is particularly prominent in the Bts.
    • Removed a few that weren't necessary and changed a couple of others. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:32, May 20, 2014 (UTC)
  • I'll give this another look once you've addressed the above objections. CC7567 (talk) 18:48, May 20, 2014 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review so far! Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:32, May 20, 2014 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • As per the objection I left on your other FAN, the second paragraph of this article's BTS section does nothing but regurgitate the Appearances/Sources list without adding any substantial information. This paragraph should be removed. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 19:05, June 27, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 00:12, June 28, 2014 (UTC)