- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Fourth Battle of Kuat
(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:23, August 14, 2012 (UTC)- Plagueis327 (talk) 22:05, August 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Nice job. Menkooroo (talk) 07:54, August 31, 2012 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 02:55, September 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Dang, I should get back to that timeline. Cade Calrayn
20:30, September 18, 2012 (UTC) - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 17:56, October 2, 2012 (UTC)
Object
Floyd
Make sure to mention the date of the battle in the intro.- Done.
"A battle was fought between Imperial and New Republic forces during the Galactic Civil War, a conflict between the two sides," Is the context for the GCW really necessary here? I think the first part of the sentence makes it clear that the war was between those two sides.- Done.
"During the Galactic Civil War, a conflict between the Galactic Empire and New Republic, the forces of the New Republic were victorious in the Zsinj campaign, which culminated in the death of Warlord Zsinj, who ruled a significant expanse of territory, at the planet Dathomir." This sentence is too choppy, split it up.- Does that look better? I didn't split it up, but its been rearranged.
- Looks good. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 22:50, August 13, 2012 (UTC)
Gloyd
Ackbar and Cracken have their ranks included in the "Commanders" section of the infobox, but the other three NR guys don't. Can we make it all or nothing? Ditto the bio, which only gives Ackbar rank love. For example, it's probably relevant to note that Cracken is the Head of Intelligence, since he organizes the droid infiltration.- Better? I have no idea what rank Tycho and Weedge were at that time, so I put them as Commanders.
- Wedge is a commander; I believe Tycho's a captain. Also, go one step further with Cracken in the bio: He's not just a leading member of NRI, he's the Director!
- Better?
- Wedge is a commander; I believe Tycho's a captain. Also, go one step further with Cracken in the bio: He's not just a leading member of NRI, he's the Director!
- Better? I have no idea what rank Tycho and Weedge were at that time, so I put them as Commanders.
I'm at an internet cafe right now with a really wide monitor, and the image placement comes out really bizarre --- the image of Tycho doesn't show up until the "Aftermath" section, and it's situated right across from the other image. Since the infobox is a big one, and it pushes the Tycho image down on some monitors, maybe the Tycho image would fit better on the left instead of the right? Give it a try and see what you think.The Post-Zsing campaign isn't mentioned or linked outside of the infobox.- Added to Bio.
- It's actually a conjectural title, so it shouldn't be referred to by the conjectural name or capitalized. Also, the addition of the bit about the Rebel Alliance makes the sentence pretty long and run-on --- can you split it up?
- Added to Bio.
"the New Republic forces attempted once again to seize the vital ship building facilities of Kuat Drive Yards located at the Imperial world Kuat after failing at a previous attempt." Since it was the Rebel Alliance that fought in that previous battle, I don't think this sentence is factually accurate. Maybe rejig it a little.- Done.
Teradoc isn't actually part of the Imperial Remnant --- he leads his own Warlord fiefdom, the Greater Maldrood. The Remnant isn't formed until after his death at Tsoss Beacon.- Better?
"...Treuten Teradoc fell back to his own territory instead of continuing his hit and run attacks on the New Republic as a result of the victory." This reads as if his hit and run attacks were a result of the victory. Can you reword?- Fixed.
Something I should by all means fix myself, but I want to make sure you know: When putting several refs together, make sure to put them in numerical order, eg [1][2][3] instead of [1][3][2]. The offender is in the second paragraph of the BTS.Menkooroo (talk) 02:40, August 28, 2012 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
The entries in both "commanders" infobox fields should ideally be organized in order of rank structure. Please check source material to confirm.- Done.
Coming off the last objection, none of the commanders listed in the infobox aside from Ackbar and Rogriss are mentioned in "The battle" section as actually being involved in the battle at Kuat. I realize that the maneuvering involving Muvunc, and Kulhvult's response, was directly related to the battle, but neither of them were involved with the military engagement, which should primarily be what the "commanders" field is reserved for. Also, if Celchu was in command of the squadron when it attacked the four Star Destroyers at Kuat, that should be mentioned again in "The battle" so that it's clear to the reader that he was involved in the battle. Other than that, it doesn't appear like the other commanders should be listed in the infobox.- Done.
Please completely fill out {{WebCite}}. There are several more template fields that are known and should be filled out.Nitpicking: the last sentence, regarding the article's assumption about Warfare, cannot be sourced to Warfare itself. Anything detailing how a canon conflict is addressed should not be sourced to anything. Something to keep in mind for the future.CC7567 (talk) 01:07, September 5, 2012 (UTC
Cav
During the Galactic Civil War, a conflict between the Galactic Empire and New Republic, the forces of the New Republic were victorious in the Zsinj campaign, which culminated at the planet Dathomir in the death of Warlord Zsinj, who ruled a significant expanse of territory. Run on sentence and a little choppy. Consider pruning non-vital elements or breaking up for clarity.- Better? I cut out the part about Dathomir.
located at the Imperial world Kuat after the Alliance to Restore the Republic, the New Republic's predecessor, failed at a previous attempt. This makes it sound like a) the battles were quite close together chronologically, and b) that that Alliance only recently became the NR. Seeing as the NR was in existence for 4.5 years by this point, this is confusing. Consider removing this reference, or expanding it enough to take in the full history of the RA/NR attempts to seize Kuat. Also, this previous attempt is reffed to Warfare but refers to Forces of Corruption; does Warfare outright state this link? I would ref it to Forces of Corruption in any case.- Is that any better? It answers a), and I think it deals with b) as well.
In the aftermath section, two sets of sentences following each other are reffed to the same reference number. Please check to ensure accuracy of referencing, and either change the incorrect refs, or merge them into one. (However, Imperial forces would not give up so easily. Only hours after Kuat's surrender, Imperial undercover agents attacked Kuat, activating the hyperdrives of the Aurora and Stellar Halo and sending them into Kuat's sun, as well as abducting KDY's key designers and fleeing to the Deep Core of the galaxy aboard the half-complete Eclipse-class dreadnought Eclipse.[2] The Imperial agents also triggered explosives that heavily damaged Kuat's shipyards,[2] so much so that construction on new ships was delayed indefinitely.[1] However, despite the damage and the loss of senior KDY designers, the New Republic was soon pumping out warships to add to Ackbar's fleet via the Kuat shipyards.[1] As a result of the victory, Ackbar worked on fortifying the New Republic's recent gain, while Warlord Treuten Teradoc, a former Imperial, fell back to his own territory of the Greater Maldrood instead of continuing his hit-and-run attacks on the New Republic.[1])- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 11:43, September 18, 2012 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:56, October 2, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks to Exiledjedi and Cade Calrayn for info on both of the choronologies. Also thanks to Master Jonathan for the copyedit. 501st dogma(talk) 20:09, July 18, 2012 (UTC)