Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Flesh Raider uprising

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Flesh Raider uprising

  • Nominated by: Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 20:05, July 13, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Just think, a week ago I was ashamed to look at how crappy this page looked. A filler page to satisfy a redlink... for shame.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Impressive, most impressive... Plagueis327 (talk) 01:51, July 24, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:50, August 18, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Winterz (talk) 04:30, September 5, 2012 (UTC)
  4. I ran through with some spelling and formatting corrections. Sure is a far cry from the filler stub it once was. Trak Nar Ramble on 07:18, September 14, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Awesome work, Cade. I shall steal take inspiration from you when I write up Flesh Raider. ~SavageBOB sig 19:55, September 20, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 19:15, October 2, 2012 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 00:32, October 3, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Floyd
  • Resettling on Tython section is not fully sourced.
    • Done.
  • Neither is Endgame.
    • Done.
  • Come on dude, human is supposed to be capitalized.
    • Done.
  • Intro: "Around 3,643 BBY, Morr set his plans in motion by sending Callef and an invasion force against the Jedi outpost in the Tythonian Gnarls region." Article for said outpost?
  • Intro: "However, Callef was defeated and killed by a young apprentice, who was taken on by Morr's former master Orgus Din as an apprentice." Two things: 1. You use the word "apprentice" twice, and 2. From this it sounds like Orgus Din took him on as a result of Callef's death, but if I'm not mistaken he was already Din's Padawan. Is this correct?
    • Fixed, and nope, the player is taken on as an apprentice after Callef's death
  • Intro: "in an attempt to put a stop to Morr's planned invasion." Planned invasion of what? This hasn't been mentioned previously.
    • Changed to assault, as it's not really an invasion
  • Context on Darth Angral in the intro.
    • Done
  • I'm seeing some major linking issues throughout the article. In some cases overlinking, in other cases underlinking. You need to go through the article and rectify this.
    • Should be entirely properly linked now
  • Prelude: "Bengel Morr, the Nautolan apprentice of Jedi Master Orgus Din, was present in the Temple, was present during the assault," Fix this.
    • Fixed.
  • Resettling on Tython: Context on Satele Shan.
    • Revan!
  • Resettling on Tython: "where the Jedi had retreated to following the Treaty." Seems rather redundant, since you already document this pretty thoroughly.
    • Removed.
  • Tensions rise: "During the months leading up to Morr's invasion," Again, what exactly was he invading?
    • Changed to assault.
  • A dark encounter: "There, the learner met with Jedi Master Derrin Weller, who planned to send the young Jedi to the Temple to meet with the Masters." What Masters? Was it the Jedi Council? If so, mention it/link to it.
    • Actually, Weller's exact words are "to the Masters". It probably was the Council, but he didn't say so.
  • A dark encounter: "A Bith apprentice by the name of Unaw Aharo witnessed the Flesh Raiders entering the Gnarls through a cave in the southern cliffs," Context for the cave?
    • Sorry, what do you mean by context for the cave?
      • My mistake. I meant "article". IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 20:10, August 16, 2012 (UTC)
        • Bah. Done, and added to my previous articles.
  • War in earnest: "Din urged his apprentice not to engage him if encountered on the next mission." Why not?
    • Context added.
  • War in earnest: "Tao'ven's scouts had located a Flesh Raider command base in the nearby mountains, but it was protected by a deflector shield. While Din and the other Masters prepared to raid the camp, Din's apprentice raided the mountain facility where the shield generator was set up." Articles for the command base and the mountain facility?
    • Command base, yes. Mountain, no, as someone has already asked me this on my previous GAs and they accepted that it's just a mountain with a shield generator.
  • War in earnest: "The settlement's agricultural fields were being sabotaged by the natives," Why would they do this? Some scorched-earth stuff? Context plz.
  • Endgame: You've mentioned the Forge before, but now is the first time you identify it as Vur Tepe. Shouldn't you have done this the first time you mention the Forge?
    • Woops, that shouldn't be in there. It's not Vur Tepe.
  • Endgame: "With the aid of T7, the Padawan successfully defeated the Flesh Raiders and began to duel the Dark Jedi" Link to the duel?
    • Linked the attack.
  • Aftermath: "The apprentice of Orgus Din became a pivotal figure in the conflict with the Sith Empire, beginning with the Knight's first mission on Coruscant. On the capital, the Knight and T7 teamed up with Kira Carsen to stop the Sith Lord Tarnis." Article for this mission? Also, stopped Tarnis from doing what?
    • Done.
  • "Morr would remain in contact with the Knight throughout his time on Tython, thanking the Jedi for saving him and expressing regret at the loss of Master Din during the Knight's mission to Alderaan." Article for the mission to Alderaan?
    • Blarg!
  • Orgus Din's apprentice: "sent the Jedi to Coruscant to investigate a dark presence." Context on the "dark presence".
    • Done.
  • !boot Cade Get this shit done! IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:36, August 16, 2012 (UTC)
    • !killfloyd It's done!
  • As the article currently stands, there are too many redlinks. Also, there shouldn't be any in the intro. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 20:10, August 16, 2012 (UTC)
    • Should be cut down to one, I believe. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 23:45, August 16, 2012 (UTC)
Savaged…
  • Yay! Been looking forward to reviewing this one. First off, can you indicate Bengel Moor's species upon his first mention in the lead? Since the FR army is otherwise species-homogenous, I think it's pertinent.
    • Done.
  • "savage" strikes me as a POV term (says SavageBob) in the lead and body. Perhaps find something more neutral, or indicate the Jedi thought them savage, or just ditch it.
    • Done.
  • Since everyone else gets a species ID, can you add one for Din in the lead? Ditto in the body.
    • Done.
  • I'm not sure about mentioning the JK's later victories in the lead. I think just mentioning stuff from the immediate aftermath is probably enough.
    • Cut it down to just the Desolator Crisis.
  • Is Jed'aii Order mentioned in the game? If not, you'll need another source for that moniker.
    • Sourced.
  • It's probably worth doing a sweep through the "Prelude" section to rid it of extraneous details that don't directly pertain to the Flesh Raider Uprising. Some examples of stuff that doesn't seem particularly pertinent include: the beginning of the Great Galactic War (should be enough to say that it ended at a certain time without getting into the reasons the war began), the duration of the GGW, the identities of who led the assault on the temple (should be enough to say the temple was destroyed, since all that's important is that Moor saw the destruction), the mention of Satele Shan, her youth, and her family (not pertinent to the FR Uprising), the identity of the first Twi'lek matriarch and the transition of power to Sumari when the older matriarch retired. In short, I think the "prelude" just needs to be pared down quite a bit. It should relate events directly leading up to the FR uprising without straying into too much extraneous detail.
    • Cut down.
  • Dialog from the game seems to indicate that the Jedi had clashes with the FRs immediately upon arriving on Tython, if I remember correctly. I think a bunch of characters talk about how the attacks during the game have been "increasing." This should probably be mentioned during the stuff about building a new temple on Tython.
    • How about now?
  • Are the events recounted in "Tensions rise" really before the FR Uprising? They seem to be concurrent to me. I mean, isn't it reasonable to assume that the JK and JC are both running around doing their quests at the same time on Tython? Or is there evidence that the JC Prologue precedes the JK prologue? I"ll continue with the next section soon. ~SavageBOB sig 12:38, September 8, 2012 (UTC)
    • Actually, they're not concurrent. Ranna Tao'ven is mentioned throughout the Consular storyline as being the "daughter of the Matriarch", meaning that Sumari is still alive and that the Knight storyline is later on. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 21:54, September 8, 2012 (UTC)
      • Hmm, interesting. I'll keep that in mind when I write up Flesh Raider. Can you add a note to that effect, then? Also, what do you think about all the optional Tython missions that involve Flesh Raiders? Do any of those pertain to the FR Uprising? And if so, should we assume they take place before the JK storyline as well and mention them in the Prelude? ~SavageBOB sig 22:10, September 8, 2012 (UTC)
        • I would assume almost all of the optionals involving the Flesh Raiders or the villagers take place before or during the uprising, as the general state of Tython after the light side storyline results in the Order forming an alliance with the villagers and the Flesh Raider army collapsing back into disorganization. Also, I explain my reasoning in the BTS. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 02:04, September 9, 2012 (UTC)
          • Then it's probably worth including the optional quests, perhaps within templates that assume 100% game completion, in a paragraph or two at the end of the "Prelude" section. As for the reasoning being in BTS, that's fine to an extent, but just like we require footnote references to assert this or that particular date for an event, I'd think a footnote would be in order here to explain the reasoning at the time the events are included in the article. ~SavageBOB sig 16:45, September 10, 2012 (UTC) On further reflection, I've changed my mind about asking for a ref note explaining the placement; BTS is fine. But I would like to see the optional quests glossed over somewhere. ~SavageBOB sig 16:49, September 10, 2012 (UTC)
            • Done! Looks much better now, I think. A lot more info. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 19:36, September 10, 2012 (UTC)
  • OK, back at it. In the first sections of "The uprising," it seems odd that we're getting the story from the Jedi's point of view. It's the Flesh Raiders and Moor who are doing things; the Jedi are just reacting, at least at first. For that reason, I think it would make more sense to hear about Moor's and the FRs' actions before we hear about the JK trainee going to the Masters' Retreat. The same goes for Aharo spying on them; we should hear that the FRs entered a cave as an event worth reporting in its own right. Then we should learn that the Bith saw them do so and reported it.
    • Done.
  • Similarly, in the paragraph beginning with "Alarmed,.." we learn that the Jedi are now defending the temple against Flesh Raiders, but we never learn that the Flesh Raiders have arrived and started attacking. Similarly, rather than "Aharo was captured," try "The Flesh Raiders captured Aharo." Try to reframe things as action-reaction, with the FRs acting in this case.
    • Done.
  • We should learn about T7's spying on Morr and Callef when he does it, not when he reveals he did it to the JK (or, actually, again when he reveals it to the JK, albeit in abbreviated form).
    • Done.
  • We should learn about the FR attack on Kalikori when it happens, now when the JK learns that it happened.
    • Done.
      • I'm not seeing a change here. I mean the one where they're scorching the fields. ~SavageBOB sig 12:15, September 20, 2012 (UTC)
        • Done.
  • We should learn that the FRs have been massing near Kaleth when they start massing there, not when the Tw'leks tell the JK about it.
    • Done.
  • We should learn the FRs are using Kaleth as a base and that some of them are studying the Force well before the JK establishes those facts.
    • Done.
  • We should learn that the FRs are using a base protected by a shield generator well before the JK learns that fact.
    • Done.
      • Not seeing any change here. ~SavageBOB sig 12:15, September 20, 2012 (UTC)
        • Look higher, my friend! The second paragraph in "A dark encounter" is new.
  • We should learn that the FRs have established numerous smaller camps well befor the Jedi realize this.
    • Done.
  • We should learn about Laotah's actions and predicament when they happen rather than when the JK finds out about them.
    • Done.
  • We should learn about Moor's ruse to lure the JK to Kalikori when Moor does it, rather than as it's framed now (as a distress call, then that it's a trap).
  • Since Morr is the one acting (rather than reacting) in the paragraph beginning "When the Padawan awoke...", consider rewriting this paragraph with his actions as primary, rather than the JK's.
    • Done!
  • The bit about killing the Jurgoran needs to be within "100% completion" templates, since you can avoid that fight if you want. I'll continue with the rest later! ~SavageBOB sig 12:56, September 17, 2012 (UTC)
    • Done, but it looks terribly awkward. Could I not just include most of the article in a {{GameLSmechanics}}, which is basically a combination of {{GameLS}} and {{Gamemechanics}}. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 19:52, September 17, 2012 (UTC)
      • I agree that our templates are ugly and clunky. Ideally, the whole game template system needs to get an overhaul to be less obtrusive, but that's something for template gurus to fix. :) As for letting the Light Side template do double duty, that would be fine, but the wording on the template itself needs to be adjusted for that to work. Currently, it only mentions that the article assumes Light Side choices, with no mention of 100% completion. If it could be changed to mention 100% completion of Light Side options, then it would be fine, I think. That might be the best thing to do for the sake of every article the LS template is being used on.
      • Followup: I see that the GameLSmechanics is trying to combine the Gamemechanics and GameLS templates, but the wording is off. It literally says that only 100% of light side options are chosen, not that the 100% of the game is completed, and only light side options are chosen when appropriate. In other words, as worded, it doesn't cover the Jurgoran situation, since that's not a light-side/dark-side thing. Can the template be reworded a bit? ~SavageBOB sig 12:18, September 18, 2012 (UTC)
        • I enclosed everything that is affected by game mechanics and alignment options in a single reworded {{GameLSmechanics}} template. In other words, everything between "Early encounters" and the BTS, since they all depend on game mechanics or light side options.
          • I'm cool now that the template's reworded, but I think it might be best practice to start and stop the templates each time a major article section comes up. In other words, close out the template at the end of "Early encounters" and start a new one for "The uprising." Ditto for "Notable participants." Otherwise, there's a risk of the reader forgetting that we're making certain assumptions. Does that sound doable? ~SavageBOB sig 12:15, September 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • Also with regard to the Light Side and 100% game completion templates -- be sure every one of those is followed by an "assumption ends here" tag. Currently, only the 100% game completion ones have that.
    • See above.
  • You'll need to add Light Side game templates to the "participants" section, since we're assuming stuff like not killing Ranna, etc.
    • See above.
  • Should we maybe add Kesh'k to the "Participants" section? I realize we know little of his motives or personality, but it seems odd to not have any Flesh Raiders in the section labeled "Flesh Raiders." :) You could at least mention he was their leader and that he fought in such a such a way (based on his attacks in the game). That's it! Nice work. ~SavageBOB sig 12:15, September 18, 2012 (UTC)
    • It's a tiny little paragraph, but I added him anyway and added some different images since I had to move his image. Thanks! Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 15:32, September 18, 2012 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Before I start reviewing, please take the time to look through the article and clean up what I've asked you to do for several of your articles in the past. Linking in the infobox, linking overall in the article, when to bullet infobox entries and when not to, and image caption punctuation are some of the things to look for, but there might be others as well.
    • There you go!
  • If Ref 41 doesn't have an applicable citation template, then {{WebCite}} needs to be used, but it looks like {{TORweb}} can be used. CC7567 (talk) 16:59, September 14, 2012 (UTC)
    • Done.
  • It doesn't seem necessary to reference the CT in the Bts—we usually don't cite Wookieepedia articles unless they're sources like interviews. The policy itself shouldn't be a source or reference note for the article.
    • Removed.
  • Can something a bit more specific than "Dark Jedi" be used in the infobox? Saying the general "Dark Jedi" leaves it open to interpretation that there's more than one; "Independent Dark Jedi" might work. Try it on for size.
    • Done.
  • Does the Jedi initiate refer to Jedi Initiate as the pre-Padawan stage? If so, that capitalization should be used in the article, and Initiate should be linked somewhere.
    • No, initiate was just a general pre-Padawan term like learner that I used to refer to the Hero as gender-neutral. The player is called an "initiate" (lower-case), but never a Jedi Initiate.
  • "eliminate the Flesh Raider command base": something needs to be linked here.
    • Done.
  • "Morr made a deal with the Twi'leks, trading protection": protection from what? The Flesh Raiders? Please be a bit more specific here; some context is needed about the protection. If Morr and the Raiders agreed to leave the Twi'leks alone as part of the deal, that should be mentioned to be clearer here.
    • Done.
  • "Din's apprentice and T7 convinced the villagers to surrender peacefully": will probably be addressed with the last objection, but saying here that the Twi'leks surrendered implies that they were fighting or opposed to the Jedi and/or Flesh Raiders in some way, more than what's already detailed in the intro. Did they surrender to the Jedi? If applicable, what were they doing prior to then that required a surrender? Please specify.
    • Expanded.
  • Did the Jedi Knight actually pass the Jedi Trials as part of his/her service during the Flesh Raider uprising? If this is known, it should be specified in the intro and body.
    • Grand Master Shan considered the uprising to be the apprentice's trials, so they did not actually undergo the ritual trials.
      • That's what I meant, actually—if the uprising served as the apprentice's Trials, that should be specified in the body. CC7567 (talk) 18:20, September 24, 2012 (UTC)
        • Added to the Aftermath.
  • Please take another look through the rest of the article to check for linking quality before I continue with "Resettling on Tython." I had to correct a number of instances prior to then. CC7567 (talk) 16:04, September 23, 2012 (UTC)
    • Apologies, I actually only relinked the body, and I was unaware that some of those articles were anything other than redirects. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 16:33, September 24, 2012 (UTC)
  • Please make sure to be consistent about "T7-O1" vs. "T7" throughout the article. CC7567 (talk) 18:20, September 24, 2012 (UTC)
  • "The Jedi Order's encounters with the natives often had more success": than the Twi'leks'? Please clarify.
    • Clarified.
  • "and even recruited one into the Order itself": article for the guy? If this is Fashk you're introducing, please note that the connection isn't clear, as this sentence is separated from the part that identifies and discusses Fashk.
    • Yes, it was Fashk - specified.
  • "The apprentice departed a shuttle at the Masters' Retreat": something isn't right here; please check. Also, do you mean that the apprentice departed "from" the Retreat?
    • Actually, I meant the apprentice took a shuttle down to the Retreat, so I reworded it.
  • "but by the time he could contact Weller via holocomm": did he actually contact Weller? It isn't clear here.
    • He did - clarified.
  • I might be missing it, but is the attack on the Gnarls Outpost linked somewhere? If not, it should be—since it also belongs in the intro, it looks like it might need an article.
    • Woops, did I not create one? I'll get right on that.
  • "At the Temple, Din surprised the rest of the Jedi Council": I believe I might have asked you this for a previous article, but is this the Jedi High Council? Or can we assume that it is?
    • Never expressly stated as the High Council, but the Council has the same roles - I think they might not have the others yet or the other Councils were disbanded after the Treaty. Linked to High Council, in any case.
  • The article mainly uses "Twi'lek pilgrims," but it seems like "Twi'lek Pilgrims" is a confirmed and more formal capitalization of the name. You might consider making use of the latter more. In any case, there are some inconsistencies with the capitalization, so please check.
    • According to the Codex, it actually is Pilgrims, so that's fixed. I guess that's the name of their religion.
  • "the Padawan fought through the ancient war droids": some context is needed on the war droids. Why were they there? Why did they attack the Padawan?
    • Contextified, though that's not a word.
  • Please make sure all dash and hyphen usages adhere to WP:DASH. I'm noticing at least two that are not.
    • Properly dashed, I believe.
  • "Weller immediately ordered the Knights present at the Masters' Retreat across the river": seeing Tythos River linked later in the article, is this "river" the same one?
    • Actually, it's more of a lake, and it's not connected to the Tythos River.
  • I know that Flesh Raider uprising is the attributed title, but please be careful when referring to the event as such throughout the article, IU and OOU parts alike. If it's a conjectural title, the article should ideally not refer to it directly as such.
    • Ambiguified, which sounds slightly better than contextified
  • The same goes for the Second Great Galactic War, which doesn't seem to be a confirmed title either.
    • Done.
  • Is the Desolator crisis a confirmed title for the event? If not, the same goes for that as well.
    • Done.
  • Please make sure to check "Notable participants" and on for linking issues. I'll continue there once you've addressed the above objections. CC7567 (talk) 20:40, October 2, 2012 (UTC)
    • Should be good now. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 21:41, October 2, 2012 (UTC)
  • A note regarding aesthetics: usually it's considered prudent to order references by increasing ref number, i.e. [4][6] instead of [6][4]. Please rectify in the article.
    • Fixed.
  • "He served Morr as general of the Flesh Raider army": if this is a rank in any way, then general needs to be linked here. It would also sound like the fact that he was a "general" belongs earlier in the article as well.
    • Changed to leader, as it's never specified as "general".
  • A massive undertaking, but a commendable one nevertheless. Make sure to pay attention to linking and the other issues identified above, though it's definitely more of a challenge the longer an article is. Looking forward to reading more of your writing. CC7567 (talk) 23:54, October 2, 2012 (UTC)
    • Thanks again for the review. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 00:28, October 3, 2012 (UTC)
Cav
  • Alderaan is in the Deep Core? I'm pretty sure its only a Core World. Please check, unless TOR states differently (and even then, an explanation/footnote may be needed).
    • Woops - fixed.
  • Early encounters; you mention various Jedi individuals but no links are apparent - is there an article for these Jedi, or do ones need to be created?
    • They're the TOR version of Galaxies spacers. They could all be the same, or all completely different.
  • Can you fix the Oppressor redirect in Aftermath? - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 18:43, October 2, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 00:32, October 3, 2012 (UTC)

  • Credit goes to Darth Trayus, whose excellent Sacking of Coruscant FA served as the basis for this article's structure. And to Culator, who recovered a file I forgot to add that got deleted. Oh, and Xd needs money to continue his wizardry. He'll accept donations. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 20:05, July 13, 2012 (UTC)