- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Erv Lekauf
(5 Inqs/2 User/7 Total)
Support
- Just passed GA. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:32, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- Presuming there's no additional detail. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:55, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:55, 6 May 2008 (UTC)- Graestan(Talk) 23:51, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
- Toprawa and Ralltiir 07:24, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
Green Tentacle (Talk) 01:03, 10 May 2008 (UTC)- -- Darth Culator (Talk) 06:24, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
Object
- From Graestan the Mighty:
In the intro, "a trip back to Coruscant" reads a bit awkwardly, indicating a need for context.- Reworded.
Also, the stray sentence in the intro could be reworded and placed in the preceding paragraph.- Did so.
In the first paragraph of the bio, even I am a bit lost. Please go back over it and provide a bit of context and backstory. Don't be afraid to cite sources Lekauf did not appear in.- Could you be more specific?
- The Clone Wars, Order 66, Felucia—these all seem to be thrown in with little or no explanation. I realize the article is about Lekauf, but If someone as versed in the EU as I am has no idea what the significance of this or that is, the casual reader has no hope. Graestan(Talk) 19:50, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Added a little context. Hope that suffices.
- The Clone Wars, Order 66, Felucia—these all seem to be thrown in with little or no explanation. I realize the article is about Lekauf, but If someone as versed in the EU as I am has no idea what the significance of this or that is, the casual reader has no hope. Graestan(Talk) 19:50, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Could you be more specific?
"claiming he needed to ensure that he had better security" – Are we talking about Vader or the other guy? Please specify.- Fixed.
We're talking about the Cuis incident more from Vader's point of view, so why is Cuis initially identified as an Emperor's Hand? Also, Lekauf's role in this assassination attempt seems to have either been downplayed in the article, or perhaps he had no role. Please revisit this portion of the bio.- Again, could you explain what you mean?
- Did Lekauf have anything to do with the Cuis assassination attempt? It doesn't seem like he did, but you mention offhand that Vader was impressed with his loyalty. All in all, I don't think the description of the attempt belongs if Lekauf had no role in it, but if he did, it needs to be added. Graestan(Talk) 19:50, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Added something about Lekauf's part. However, that duel is important, though Lekauf had a minor part in it, because it demonstrates to Vader how much betrayal he will face in his lifetime, and he realizes how lucky he is to have Lekauf by his side.
- Did Lekauf have anything to do with the Cuis assassination attempt? It doesn't seem like he did, but you mention offhand that Vader was impressed with his loyalty. All in all, I don't think the description of the attempt belongs if Lekauf had no role in it, but if he did, it needs to be added. Graestan(Talk) 19:50, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Again, could you explain what you mean?
"burned by fire" in that picture caption is pretty silly. Please reword.- Reworded.
It is never stated that Cuis was cloned, but his clones are referred to soon thereafter. Please rectify this.The word "clones" is a bit overused, in my opinion. Perhaps a suitable alternative or two could be found to make the prose less clones-heavy.- There's not exactly a lot of synonyms for clones. I don't really know what to do here.
- "Copies," "duplicates," etc.
- There's not exactly a lot of synonyms for clones. I don't really know what to do here.
Please set up why Sheyvan was present, what his mission was, etc.- Added a little context earlier, but it's never stated in the book, although one can assume he came because his master and his students were going.
- Graestan(Talk) 02:11, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Ackbar:
You have "before 40 ABY" listed in the death field of the infobox, but you don't mention that he'd died by then in the bio.- Fixed.
The first sentence of the intro is a bit plain; adding something to the end of it (like "who served under Darth Vader" or something) would, IMHO, improve the intro.- Fixed.
Better, but now the second sentence doesn't make sense.- My bad.
- Fixed.
I'd like to see the bio subsectioned.- Did. Could add one more subsection if it's needed.
- One more might be good, but it's not a big deal.
- Did. Could add one more subsection if it's needed.
What was Vader's reaction to Lekauf's defying his orders? My apologies if there is none, but it looks like a loose end where it is.- Corrected.
In the third paragraph of the bio, Lekauf is only mentioned at the end; the last mention of him was his defying orders, so it's confusing why Vader was "impressed with his loyalty and courage"- Fixed.
It might be pertinent to mention Lekauf's family before their initial mention in the fourth paragraph.- There's not really a place to smoothly insert it before then. Anyway, it's pretty trivial.
- I think it ought to be mentioned, especially if he was "eager to return to his family;" it shows he was devoted or whatever.
- I feel I got it now.
- I think it ought to be mentioned, especially if he was "eager to return to his family;" it shows he was devoted or whatever.
- There's not really a place to smoothly insert it before then. Anyway, it's pretty trivial.
Sheyven is introduced quite suddenly. Please explain how he got on the shuttle, etc.- See what I said to Graestan.
- It could still be a tad smoother. Something like "Sheyven attacked Vader and Lekauf" or somesuch should be inserted, rather than just "they faced off."
- Fixed.
- It could still be a tad smoother. Something like "Sheyven attacked Vader and Lekauf" or somesuch should be inserted, rather than just "they faced off."
- See what I said to Graestan.
"Lekauf and the clones..." It's a bit confusing which clones this is referring to; please clarify.- Fixed.
Please explain what became of the Cuis clones and Sheyven.- Boom.
Rather than explaining it how it's presumably revealed in the source, you should start off by saying that Lekauf raised his grandson, and then deal with his career and all that.- He didn't have a grandson until after the events of the article. See what I said earlier. If you feel it's really necessary, I could put it at the very beginning.
- No, I mean you should start the final paragraph of the bio by saying that Lekauf had a grandson who he raised, and who then joined the GA. The way it is isn't in the proper order. EDIT: sorry, I see your confusion now. Hopefully I've clarified.
- Fixed.
- No, I mean you should start the final paragraph of the bio by saying that Lekauf had a grandson who he raised, and who then joined the GA. The way it is isn't in the proper order. EDIT: sorry, I see your confusion now. Hopefully I've clarified.
- He didn't have a grandson until after the events of the article. See what I said earlier. If you feel it's really necessary, I could put it at the very beginning.
It should probably also be stated that Lefauk had kids, too.- See above.
- I still think it's relevant, especially for someone with such limited info.
- Fixed.
- I still think it's relevant, especially for someone with such limited info.
- See above.
First few sentences of the P&T are a bit short, and could be merged. The first should probably finish "loyal to the Empire" or something, also.- Fixed.
An overall increase in the level of detail, particularly stuff that Lekauf did, wouldn't go amiss. I'm not familiar with any of the source material, so there may not be additional detail, but please do what you can.- Told you on IRC.
Another thing I noticed: in the penultimate paragraph in the bio, things aren't in chronological order. As it is, it's said that the Cuis clones were defeated before they injured Lekauf. Also, please elaborate on "Vader's quick actions."- Fixed.
- Interesting enough character from a stupid story. ;-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:13, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- From Fiolli:
The quote at the head of the biography section is Jori talking to Ben Skywalker. The last paragraph of the same section, however, says that Jacen Solo talked with Jori on this topic. Were both Ben and Jacen involved in this conversation or is one of these incorrect? If both are involved, make certain both names are included in both places of the article.- Fixed. He talks to both, at different times, so I added a little in the last paragraph. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:27, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
- Otherwise, nice work. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:45, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
- From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
Please reword to avoid the repetitive "told...telling": "what his grandfather had told him about Darth Vader, telling Solo that Lekauf had essentially raised him, and that he looked up to his grandfather more so than he looked up to his parents."Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:42, 7 May 2008 (UTC)- Good catch. Fixed. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:45, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 19:54, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
- 1,028 words. It's short, I know, but it's comprehensive. I've never done an FA on such a minor character before, so I am certainly open to changes or suggestions anyone has. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:32, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- It is now 1,200+ words (I believe). Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:09, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
- To everyone who read this article, thanks for the review. Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:09, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
- It is now 1,200+ words (I believe). Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:09, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
- 1281 words. Gotta remember to remove the hyphens in terms like "Force-sensitive" first. :-P -- Darth Culator (Talk) 06:24, 11 May 2008 (UTC)