Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Ennix Devian

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Ennix Devian

  • Nominated by: DjMack (talk) 05:31, November 4, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A least 2000 words.

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Empire Lost
  • Hey, DJ. Great to see you putting an article up for FAN. I have a few preliminary tips before I start reviewing --- when including an ellipsis in quotes, be sure to use the code & hellip ; (but with no spaces) rather than typing out three dots. Objections this minor usually fall under what we call the "sofixit" clause, but I think it'll be really handy for you to know.
  • I think the article could use a good copy-edit. I noticed on the recent changes page that you nominated it pretty soon after writing it, but I think it would benefit if you went through the entire thing with a keen eye for spelling, grammar, and linking. For example, at first glance, the biography currently starts off with "Devian was know in Imperial circles..." and the intro says " to bring about the destruction of both the Imperial Remnant New Republic..."
  • Something else to catch in that copy-edit: Always remember to put reference notes after punctuation. I see a few instances in the biography of a ref note preceding a comma or a colon or whatnot.
  • What's important to remember about the biography is that everything needs to be established anew, even if it was already established in the intro. The biography is the beginning of the article, and the intro is just an abstract of it. Always good to lead the bio off with the basics of species, sex, etc. Things like Emperor and Palpatine should get context, too.
    • Nice, but can you give a timeframe in those opening sentences? Even if only a vague one like "During the Galactic Civil War" or something can be given. Menkooroo (talk) 12:09, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • Take care of these and I'll give the article a full review. This is a really good idea for a barn-burner nom. I thought that Devian was one of the more interesting aspects of an otherwise less-than-stellar CE III. Menkooroo (talk) 09:44, November 4, 2012 (UTC)
    • Thanks, and yeah I may have nominated this too soon, but I believe I addressed everything you mentioned. Thank you. DjMack (talk) 19:16, November 4, 2012 (UTC)
  • Hey, sorry for the delay. I'm back! I've been doing a lot of research on the Imperial Remnant lately, which I've now gathered into its article --- basically, the Imperial Remnant doesn't actually exist until 12 ABY, per The Essential Atlas and The Essential Guide to Warfare. So, the opening sentences of "A vision for the galaxy" here in Devian's article will need some tweaking, as the Remnant doesn't exist until Pellaeon takes the reigns of it in 12 ABY. Make sense?
  • Since Devian appears in five comic issues, it's better to populate the article with images of him rather than images of other things. I have scans of every CEIII issue if you need them; just let me know which shots you'd like and I'll upload 'em.
  • A recent addition to the Layout Guide is: "All infobox material must be detailed in the article proper" --- as such, things like his eye colour and hair colour should be mentioned somewhere in the article ("Personality and traits" is usually where they get stuck). Skin colour should be included, too, in both the infobox and the article. Something like "light" or "fair" or something.
  • In the intro: Can you make it clear that the D'Astas are Imperial-affiliated the first time they're mentioned? Without that context, it's a little unclear why the Remnant would launch a retaliatory strike.
  • A really handy thing to know: Per the Manual of style, ranks and title should always be capitalized when they refer to the person rather than to the title --- thus, every time Pellaeon is called "the Admiral," "Admiral" should be capitalized.
  • On that note --- what's Pelly's title at this time? He's called "Grand Admiral" once in the Biography, but just "Admiral" everywhere else.
  • Linking could be improved throughout the article --- check out what I added to the intro and go through the rest of the article with an eye for linking anything that can be linked. OK, take care of the rest of these preliminaries and I'll (finally!) review the article proper. Menkooroo (talk) 14:26, November 19, 2012 (UTC)
Hk 47
  • Missing content: Devian was once described as an admiral in the introduction of an issue of empire lost. So maybe a member of the Imperial Navy... Hk 47 (talk) 20:02, November 28, 2012 (UTC)

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