- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Dur Gejjen
- Nominated by: IFYLOFD (And now, young Skywalker, you will die.) 08:11, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: This article was almost comically short before. <pounds chest>
(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
Jaina Solo(Talk) 01:59, 12 January 2009 (UTC)- Headshot! Boom! Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:55, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
- Atarumaster88
(Talk page) 16:34, 16 February 2009 (UTC) - No problems, although some appropriate images would be welcome. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 15:31, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
- Heavens to Mergatroid.—Tommy (Nine two eight one) 01:45, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
Object
- Jaina Solo:
There's no mention of his young family.- There isn't any real info on his family. Just that he's Nov Gejjen's son.
"Little did Gejjen know, the Galactic Alliance, Gejjen's enemies, had acquired proof that Gejjen was behind the assassination attempt on an Alliance ally, Tenel Ka."--How did they acquire the proof?- Addressed.
"Solo formulated a plan: Galactic Alliance Chief of State Cal Omas would meet Gejjen on the Deep Core planet of Vulpter. Omas would come under the guise of peace, calling for an end to the ever-escalating conflict between the Galactic Alliance and the Confederation forces."--This needs to be cleared up a little. If I recall, Jacen didn't plan the meeting between Omas and Gejjen. How did he know that Gejjen was meeting with Omas on Vulpter?--Jaina Solo(Talk) 00:30, 22 December 2008 (UTC)- Addressed. IFYLOFD (And now, young Skywalker, you will die.) 02:41, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
Some concerns have been listed on his talk page by an anon. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:50, 6 January 2009 (UTC)- They have been addressed. IFYLOFD (Come with me if you want to live.) 02:28, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
- Chack Attack:
Your quote says that Antilles resigned, but twice in the article you say that Gejjen fired him. Which is it?- It's weird. He fire him, but Wedge basically said "You can't fire me, because I quit!"
- I'd like to see it clarified a bit in the article. Something to the effect of: "Though Gejjen tried to fire Antilles, the general resigned instead" would be good. Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:45, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
"set up the coup on the life of Sal-Solo." This should be rewritten to make it smoother.- Addressed. IFYLOFD (Come with me if you want to live.) 00:48, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
- Otherwise, it's very good. Chack Jadson (Talk) 13:35, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
- From the desk of Atarumaster88
It'd be nice if some reasoning for his assassination attempt on Antilles was succinctly explained in the intro.- Addressed.
- "
asking Gejjen to keep contact to a minimum, and to feed information of Sal-Solo's location for the time being." This doesn't make sense and/or is awkwardly wording. How are they supposed to get Sal-Solo's location with minimal contact?- Addressed.
"The plan was carried out and Sal-Solo was killed, with Fett teaming up with his granddaughter Mirta Gev and Han Solo." This last clause doesn't really fit well here.- Addressed.
"Angered by Antilles' failure, he demoted Antilles from his position as Five Worlds military commander," Unclear antecedent.- Addressed. IFYLOFD (Come with me if you want to live.) 01:17, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
- Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 17:25, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
- The Anvil:
The intro can be broken up into two paragraphs.- Addressed.
Also, you have an abundance of commas. See if you can rework sentences here and there so that they don't need commas, or possibly breaking them up are ways to go about that.- Addressed.
The "Early life" section needs to be combined with the next section.- Addressed.
"The plan was carried out and Sal-Solo was killed. Gejjen paid promptly, making Solo one million credits richer." Why is he paying Solo if Fett killed Thrackan?- Addressed.
"Although the Solos were previously suspicious of Gejjen, they were now, once and for all, his enemies." POVish. Something like…they considered him an enemy.- Addressed.
Better header than just plain "Death" please.- Addressed.
That said, the first paragraph of that section reads like it could be from anyone's story, anyone's bio. Meaning, it feels as though I am looking at Gejjen from the outside as opposed to seeing it how Gejjen sees it. Please rework so that that part of the story is told from Gejjen's POV, and not everyone else's.- Addressed.
"Although it took some time for the Five Worlds to select another Prime Minister to replace Gejjen because politicians were reluctant to take the position after the death of so many Five Worlds leaders in a short amount of time, he was eventually replaced by his former colleague Sadras Koyan, following the brief rule of a triumvirate of three Democratic Alliance officials." This is a rather long run on that gets all tangled from the beginning. Please break up.- Addressed.
A minor objection: be aware of redundant statements and the Same words being used so close to each other. Negotiations, or "once" leading back-to-back sentences in the P&T, among others. I've cleaned up much of this but a perusal on your part as nominator would do well.- Addressed.
The BtS can be beefed up somewhat I'm sure. Maybe talk about what role the character serves, etc.- Addressed.
Has CSWE been checked?- Addressed.
Decent.—Tommy (Nine two eight one) 07:09, 28 February 2009 (UTC)- Good job. Awesome lead quote.—Tommy (Nine two eight one) 01:45, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
Comments
- Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 01:45, 10 March 2009 (UTC)