Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Duel at the Pool of Knowledge

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Duel at the Pool of Knowledge

  • Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:43, January 2, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Some interesting consequences…

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Grunny (talk) 03:30, January 5, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 21:15, January 5, 2011 (UTC)
  3. 1358 (Talk) 22:19, January 5, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:40, January 10, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote You're almost there, young sir. Enlightenment is just o'er the horizon.—Tommy 9281 15:06, January 11, 2011 (UTC)
  6. It's insane how much I have missed due to not reading your articles for a few months. I have no idea what the hell this article is about. It is, however, clean as a whistle. You are the fastest up-and-comer ever and one of the best writers on this site. Graestan(Talk) 04:37, January 12, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Because the Hammer Hits Hard...
  • "After their defeat of the dark side entity Abeloth, the Sith Sarasu Taalon, Gavar Khai, and Vestara Khai, along with their Jedi allies Luke and Ben Skywalker, discovered that Abeloth had not died." The first part should be reworded so as to make clear the impression that Abeloth had been killed was their original understanding.
  • "In their ensuing search for her, they were led to the Pool of Knowledge. In it, Ben glimpsed the Sith homeworld, and Gavar, suspecting betrayal, moved to attack." This excerpt is a bit choppy. How were they led to the pool? Perhaps through resolving that, the choppiness will also smooth out.
  • "Gavar threw his parang at Ben, guiding the blade in between the Jedi's ribs." How was he guiding it if he threw it?
  • "The allies broke up into two groups to search—Vestara and Ben in one, Luke, Gavar, and Taalon in the other. Vestara and Ben found the Pool housed in a grotto, but Ben quickly realized that Ship had been trying to pit the Jedi and Sith against each other—the Jedi could not allow the Sith to immerse themselves in the Pool, as the promise of knowledge was too dangerous, but the Sith would insist on doing so. He attempted to convince Vestara to leave the place, but she had already called the Sith to her, and they soon arrived." This entire passage is a bit cumbersome. Especially because the article is about the actual duel, much of the background happenings don't need so much fleshing out. You can say all of that in half the words, complete with all the necessary detail and context.
  • "Emdashes" are everywhere. See if you can lance many of them.
  • More to come.—Tommy 9281 22:41, January 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • The quote for the "Aftermath" section is specifically relevant to the events that occurred immediately after the duel, but the information included in that section goes quite a bit past that. See if you can find a more appropriate quote, one that does a better job of encompassing the sum of the events you've so beautifully described.
  • Also, you'll need to make clear what happened to Luke after he was hit by the second volley of lightning.
    • Expanded that bit, and a couple other things I found in that area, that I don't know how I missed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 23:17, January 7, 2011 (UTC)
  • Other than that, this was pretty good.—Tommy 9281 18:04, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks Tommy. My apologies for missing some info at the end there. Let me know if anything else is required. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 23:17, January 7, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 04:48, January 12, 2011 (UTC)

  • Wasn't 100% sure about the link to Luke's lightsaber. Definitely remove if not correct. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:40, January 10, 2011 (UTC)