Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Dewlannamapia

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dewlannamapia

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 08:51, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: You thought I'd miss the barn-burner? No way.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote She fricking raised Han Solo. Menkooroo 15:41, May 5, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 07:19, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  3. She fricking raised Garris Shrike… and broke him! ~SavageBOB sig 15:57, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  4. –Tm_T (Talk) 19:41, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:16, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 22:56, July 3, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Down in flames
  • Can you include a mention of her several cubs somewhere at the beginning of the intro? If she has multiple children, I feel like they all deserve a mention in there rather than just one of 'em.
    • Addressed. Not in the beginning of the intro, but I think that works too.
  • Is Trader's Luck worth being included in the infobox's affiliation field?
    • I actually thought about it, but decided against including it. I believe that the affiliation field should be reserved only for factions such as the Rebel Alliance or the Empire. Trader's Luck, on the other hand, is not really a faction; Dewlanna just worked there, that's all. And also, listing ships in that field just feels strange to me. We don't list the Millenium Falcon as Han's affiliation, do we?
  • Hmmm... should the Sal-Solo mansion get an article? Dlarit estate seems to be a precedent.
    • Redlinked
  • Dewlannamapia went to her room and returned with all her savings that she intended to give to Solo. --- did she always intend to give them to him? This kinda makes it sound like she did.
    • Addressed.
  • Solo tried to plead with her --- I don't think pleading is something you can really try to do. Tried to convince her, maybe?
    • Addressed.
  • Larrad aimed his blaster at Dewlannamapia, but she had already slipped into Wookiee battle rage, attacked him, and broke his arm. --- the flow of this sentence makes it seem like she attacked him and broke his arm before he aimed his blaster at her. Can you rephrase to make the timeline clearer?
    • This part has been removed due to the detail-cutting.
  • telling him that she would be fine after death with the Force. I'm not really sure what this sentence is trying to say. Can you elaborate?
    • Better now?
  • The encounter between Solo, Dewlanna, and Shrike seems just a bit too play-by-play in terms of recounting lines and describing specific actions --- details such as "smiling malevolently" and "Fatally wounded, she fell onto the floor" could probably be jettisoned. I also recommend looking at the specific lines from the conversation and deciding if any of them can go; summarizing convos is always better than recounting every line from them. It might be the case that every line is necessary for the summary in this case, but definitely take a look and see if anything can go.
    • Addressed.
  • A little nitpicky, but the first sentence of the p&t makes it seem like her fur only began graying at the time of her death. :/
    • Addressed.
  • Solo did not like it when she did that, constantly reminding the elderly Wookiee that the term "scruffy" was not complimentary among Humans. This much detail seems a bit out of place in Dewlanna's article; a shortened version of it getting the point across that Solo did not like it and tacked on to the previous sentence might fit better. Thoughts?
    • Addressed.
  • spinning and snapping him, --- what does "snapping him" mean? Does the text elaborate?
    • Not really, or at least I don't know how else to describe it; here's the quote from the text: With a roar that deafened the combatants, she grabbed Larrad's wrist and yanked, spinning him around and snapping him in a terrible parody of a child's "snap the whip" game.
      • I added "like a whip" after "snapping him" --- whaddya think?
  • The first paragraph of the bts talks about Rebel Dawn in past tense but the SW rough draft in present, which seems off. Can you pick one?
    • Addressed.
  • Ditto the second paragraph, which goes from past ("included") to present ("is translated separately") for the same sourcebook.
    • The part about the name translation has been moved.
  • I'd say the translation of her name is worth a mention in the IU portion of the article (I say p&t!).
    • I've moved it, although only the part about the prefixes, because we don't know if "fierce stormy cry" is the exact translation; there are other possible variations.
  • All from me! Hooray for Wookiees! Menkooroo 16:19, May 4, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. And thanks for coming up with the idea for this project! QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 15:03, May 5, 2011 (UTC)
Prepare to be savaged…
  • Can you move her elderliness to later in the intro? It's mentioned in the first line that she was elderly, but she wasn't old her entire life. Maybe something like "was a female Wookiee who, in her old age, followed..." would be better.
    • Fixed.
  • I've de-pipelinked Human for Shrike; I feel if it's important to identify Dewlanna as a Wookiee, it's important to identify Shrike as a Human.
    • That's cool.
  • Has the info cited from the rough draft in BTS been printed anywhere official? I'm a bit wary of including the info if it can't be definitively stated to come from the draft, but there have been so many looks at early drafts of Star Wars, I feel it should be possible to cite an official source for that info. Not so?
    • This oughtta do the trick. Menkooroo 16:15, May 6, 2011 (UTC)
      • That'll work if there's been nothing official, but I'd prefer something like The Annotated Screenplays or The Making of Star Wars if they mention this wrinkle. ~SavageBOB sig 20:43, May 6, 2011 (UTC)
        • That's a tough one. As far as I know, none of these books include the rough draft in its entirety. The Making of Star Wars talks about it, summarizing its events on a few pages, but it says that it's Chewbacca who carries Annikin after he is knocked down. The Annotated Screenplays includes only the final script of A New Hope and gives only a brief rundown on all the prior treatments. So what should I do? Should I remove that part from the Bts?
          • No, not just yet... Between those two sources, is there not enough to add most of those details? What would have to be cut if you just relied on The Annotated Screenplays and The Making of Star Wars? ~SavageBOB sig 15:15, May 9, 2011 (UTC)
            • Probably a lot, if not everything, as neither of them mention Dewanna per se. The Making of Star Wars describes the scene close to what is presented in the script that I found on the Internet. However, as I said before, The Making of Star Wars implies that it's Chewbacca who carries Annikin. Either the book is in error, or the Internet version of the rough draft is not authentic. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:16, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
              • I think I'd feel better about it if you qualified that it's not us vouching for the script's authenticity. For example, maybe you could add something like, "According to a group calling themselves the Jedi Bendu, fans who collect copies of early drafts of Star Wars movie scripts, [blah blah blah]." With a link to their "about" page, would that work? ~SavageBOB sig 00:11, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
                • Check this out. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 15:28, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
                  • Works for me! Nice article, QGJ. ~SavageBOB sig 15:56, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • Can you add a publication year for The Unifying Force? All for now. ~SavageBOB sig 20:14, May 5, 2011 (UTC)
    • Added.
  • Should there be an article on the public archives you mention? ~SavageBOB sig 15:33, May 6, 2011 (UTC)
    • Redlinked.
  • The "Death" section seems rather play-by-play. Details about how Dewlanna had to go back to her room before giving Han her money, for instance, seem a bit too mundane to be mentioned. ~SavageBOB sig 17:41, May 7, 2011 (UTC)
    • Removed a couple of details.
  • Similarly, there are quite a few details about Solo's life that should probably be more indirectly glossed over in the "Legacy" section. Read through and remove or reduce anything that doesn't directly pertain to Dewlanna and it should be a tighter section. ~SavageBOB sig 06:28, May 8, 2011 (UTC)
Post-support objection:
  • Can you move ref [11] up to right after "Star Wars movie scripts" and then source the bit about Dewanna's role in the original script to the part of the Jedi Bendu site that contains the script itself, rather than sourcing the entire thing to the "about" page? Menkooroo 04:01, May 17, 2011 (UTC)
Green Tentacle
  • In the last paragraph of "Raising the Human cub" I think you can safely get away with calling Han by his surname. Solo and Sal-Solo are different enough to avoid confusion.
    • Addressed.
  • Death: "Leaving the Wookiee on the galley floor, Solo rushed to the docking bay, where he donned a spacesuit and boarded the Ylesian Dream." Is it really necessary to know what he was wearing? Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:56, June 23, 2011 (UTC)
    • It's relevant since the Ylesian Dream had no life support. I've clarified this in the article. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:07, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
      • Relevant to Han, yes. But relevant to an article about somebody who didn't board the ship? I think it's sufficient to say he boarded the Ylesian Dream. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:23, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • One really minor objection: is it "Trader's Luck" or "the Trader's Luck"? Even if both are correct, please choose one for consistency. CC7567 (talk) 01:31, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
    • In the books it's "Trader's Luck" or the "Luck". Korsa3 01:36, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
      • It's now consistently Trader's Luck. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:10, July 3, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 22:56, July 3, 2011 (UTC)