Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Dash Rendar/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dash Rendar

  • Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:22, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This is Dash Rendar, thief, card cheat, smuggler, and an okay pilot.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Great stuff. — Hunter Kahn 12:23, September 15, 2010 (UTC)
  2. I was hoping for this to be a featured article one day or antoher. Good work.--ID-21 Dolphin DolphinJedi(Talk) 02:16, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Always love reading articles on video game player characters. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 21:42, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 03:10, December 24, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote — Fiolli; 00:18, January 16, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Wonderful job. Menkooroo 22:09, January 23, 2011 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Finally had the time to read it to the end. 1358 (Talk) 17:01, January 26, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Dolphin

*Nice article, but you need to clean up the images. There are too many in certain sections.--ID-21 Dolphin 21:50, September 5, 2010 (UTC)

    • Sorry to butt in, but maybe that's your computer's resolution? Image spacing looks fine to me. Menkooroo 00:09, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • I don't see a problem either. What resolution are you using? Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:22, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
Whale
  • This is wonderful. Full review coming soon. For now, this isn't really an objection, but... as Dash burst onto the scene as a video game character, maybe you could have another image of him from the game? That one of him in the snowspeeder cockpit from the Battle of Hoth that used to be in the article was great. If you replaced the current snowspeeder image with it, you could have another one of Dash's face! Menkooroo 00:09, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • There's a few from the N64 cutscenes in there already. The PC ones won't play in XP (although the game itself is fine) so I can't get any from that. The in-game graphics are rubbish so they're out. The cockpit image doesn't appear in either the PC or N64 version as far as I can tell and was deleted due to lack of sourcing. I've kept a copy if you can shed any light on it, but otherwise it's not going back. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:19, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • You planned for everything! Menkooroo 05:37, September 7, 2010 (UTC)
Hunter's comments

At a glance, this article is in great shape. Awesome stuff! Therefore, please indulge me if I get a bit nitpicky with the grammatical stuff. Here we go...
Lead:

  • I think it's a tiny bit unclear in the lead what the Rendar family's business was. I would suggest simply changing "rather than joining the family shipping business" to "rather than joining the family shipping business" or "the family's shipping business."
  • "Rendar successfully completed the job." Shouldn't this be "Rendar successfully completed the jobs" or "Rendar always successfully completed the job"? Because you aren't referring to simply one job, but multiple ones, right?
    • I meant the Chyler job, but the deliveries probably fit better. Reworded it. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:06, September 6, 2010 (UTC)

Early life:

  • "a variety of different starships" Suggest just "a variety of starships" to avoid redundancy. Not a huge gripe, obviously.
  • Later on, you refer to Han Solo as Rendar's "old friend from the Academy". This section indicates they were at the Academy together, but doesn't say they were friends. If they were friends, I'd suggest you say so here...
    • Source merely says they were friends and knew each other at the Academy. When exactly they became friends isn't clear. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:06, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • "As the ship, which was piloted by Stanton Rendar at the time, launched from a spaceport on Coruscant, a control system failed, causing it to crash into Emperor Palpatine's private museum." This sentence struck me as a bit choppy, what with all the clauses and all. I'd suggest something more like: "Stanton Rendar was piloting as the ship launched from a Coruscant spaceport and its control system failed, causing it to crash into Emperor Palpatine's private museum.

Freelance spacer:

  • "...was never recorded and neither were details..." Would suggest "was never recorded, nor were details" because it flows better to me. Not a big deal, though, if you disagree...
  • "easy, low-paid work" Should be "low-paying work", no?
  • The sentence that starts "Through a series of daring and risky missions" and ends with "before working together on smuggling runs and con games" is long and a bit run-offish. It'd be really easy to break it into two. Suggest starting a new sentence with "He went on to work with such individuals..." or something like that.
  • The paragraph about Owal doesn't really make clear whether the rescue attempt was successful or not. I'm guessing that's because the source (Star Wars Miniatures: Attack on Endor) lays out the scenario, but there is no one canonical result?
  • "In 0 BBY, Rendar ran into fellow smugglers Zeen Afit and Katya M'Buele who informed him about their involvement in the recent Rebel attack on the Besadii Hutt glitterstim processing operation on Ylesia." It seems to me this sentence isn't really necessary at all, since it doesn't seem to be addressed again. If you feel it's important to leave in for the sake of comprehensiveness, I suppose it's alright, but otherwise I'd say maybe leave it out altogether. (Etiher way, Katya M'Buele is already wikilinked earlier in the article, so the wikilink should be removed.)
    • Removed the link but I'd rather leave it in, both for comprehensiveness and his discussion of those events when he bumps into Han later. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:06, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • Fair enough. — Hunter Kahn 14:14, September 7, 2010 (UTC)

The ship fights back:

  • "When the turbolifts arrived, the group split into two, with Rendar joining the Arrandas, Hajj and two crewman in one, leaving the remaining four crewmen to take the other." This too strikes me as a bit choppy. I'd suggest instead something like, "The group split into two teams after the turbolifts arrived. Rendar joined the Arrandas, Hajj and two crewmen while the remaining four crewman went off together."
    • Split into two sentences but made it somewhere between the two. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:08, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Still needing to send a distress signal, and unwilling to take another turbolift..." For some reason I can't really put my finger on, I have the use of the word "needing" here. lol. I'd rather see it changed to "Still determined to send a distress signal, but unwilling to take another turbolift..." But if you'd rather not change it, it's cool.
  • "At the captain's insistence, Rendar reluctantly turned over his blaster and the group continued onwards with Rendar under guard by the remaining crewman." This doesn't really quite make grammatical sense because it indicates "Rendar ... continued onwards with Rendar under guard." I'd suggest changing it to "At the captain's insistence, Rendar reluctantly turned over his blaster and remained under guard by the remaining crewman as the group continued onwards."
  • "Needing to find another way". How about "Seeking another way"?
  • "Rendar was able to grab something in time to avoid being sucked out..." I know I'm probably nit-picking here, but can you specify what he grabs onto? Reading this myself, the "something" distracted me because I wondered what it was, breaking up the flow of the paragraph...
    • "Dash Rendar and Captain Hajj were fast enough to grab hold of something, too." It's canonically "something!" Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:08, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • lol Ok. — Hunter Kahn 03:17, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • "The door opened automatically as he approached but, as Rendar stepped into the doorway, it closed rapidly, crushing him against the door frame and sending him unconscious to the floor." Just to make it a bit less choppy, I'd suggest changing this to "The door open automatically as he approached, but closed rapidly as Rendar stepped into the doorway, crushing him against the door frame and sending him unconscious to the floor."

The Battle of Hoth

  • "...with Rendar succeeding in destroying one of the AT-AT walkers..." I'm guessing the source doesn't say this, but do we have any idea how he destroyed the walker? Harpoons and tow cables? Or some other way?

The Search for Solo

  • "...to Cloud City on Bespin, a mining colony operated by Lando Calrissian." Again with my nitpicking, but can we change this to "...to Cloud City, a Bespin mining colony operated by Lando Calrissian"? The way it reads now, technically, it appears as if Bespin is the mining colony, not Cloud City.
    • Changed, though slightly different to your version. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:08, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
  • "There, Solo was captured by the bounty hunter Boba Fett, who planned to turn Solo over to the crime lord Jabba the Hutt for the bounty on the smuggler, and frozen in carbonite for the journey to Jabba's Palace on Tatooine." Choppy, choppy, choppy. I'd suggest. "Solo was captured there by the bounty hunter Boba Fett, who planned to collect a bounty on Solo by turning him over to the crime lord Jabba the Hutt. Solo was frozen in carbonite for the journey to Jabba's Palace on Tatooine."
    • Changed, but left the initial "there" in place because I think it follows from the previous sentence better. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:08, September 8, 2010 (UTC)

The secret plans

  • "Rendar returned with Skywalker to Ben Kenobi's hut." Earlier, you refer to "Skywalker's temporary residences in the Dune Sea", but it is not specified that it is Ben Kenobi's hut except through the wikilink. Because it's not overtly stated, this is almost like an easter egg, and a reader who didn't click on that link might be confused when they later read "returned to Kenobi's hut" because there's no first reference. I would suggest changing the first reference to something like "Ben Kenobi's hut in the Dune Sea, where Skywalker set up a temporary residence". (Also, should it be "Obi-Wan Kenobi's", not Ben Kenobi's?)
  • "...had learned of a new Imperial military project." Again, an easter egg for the Death Star II. I think it would serve the article much better to specify that the project is a second Death Star.
    • Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:41, September 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • I left it out because they don't know that at the time and it doesn't come up later. Rendar doesn't find out what's on the plans he helped recover. The link's there for anybody who's curious but I don't think stating it is necessary. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:12, September 11, 2010 (UTC)
      • I still strongly feel it would be better phrased something like "...had learned of a new Imperial military project, which would later be identified as the Death Star II". or "which unbeknownst to them at the time was the Death Star II" or something like that. — Hunter Kahn 01:51, September 12, 2010 (UTC)

Showdown with Xizor:

  • "He arrived to find the shop under attack by four armed men who had Chewbacca, along with Skywalker and Calrissian—who had also traveled to Coruscant upon receiving the Wookiee's message—trapped inside." I found the clause in the middle a bit disruptive to the flow of this sentence. My suggestion probably isn't perfect, but how about something like: "He arrived to find the shop under attack by four armed men, trapping inside the building Chewbacca, Skywalker and Calrissian, who had traveled to Courscant upon receiving the Wookie's message."

Surviving death

  • This section says Rendar and Guri were recruited by Ackbar. This is probably just my unfamiliarity with this particular source talking, but I was under the impression nobody from the New Republic knew Rendar was alive? Did Ackbar hire this group unaware of who Rendar really was? If so, can you clarify that?
    • I would love to clarify that but the source only says "[Ackbar] sent Kyle Katarn and mercenaries Dash Rendar and Guri on a top secret mission to place a spy on Saijo." I could make a note in BTS if you think it's important to note the discrepancy. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:08, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'll leave it up to your discretion whether you feel it warrants a mention in BTS. Too bad the source isn't more clear on this, though... — Hunter Kahn 03:17, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

Equipment:

  • "Cybot Galactica LE-series repair droid" is already wikilinked above. No need to do so again.

Behind the scenes:

  • Regarding the four paragraph, do we really need to list all of his appearances? Isn't that what the "Appearances" section is for?
    • I tend to note some of the major appearances in BTS, though I guess enough of them are mentioned elsewhere that it could go. I don't think it does any harm to leave it in though. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:08, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • I think it's a bit redundant, but if you'd rather keep it in, it's really not a big deal... — Hunter Kahn 03:17, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • The first paragraph of "Inconsistencies" is unsourced.
    • It doesn't need to be since the sources are clearly stated in the text itself. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:08, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • Ok. — Hunter Kahn 03:17, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • Last but not least, a structural suggestion. It seems to me the biography is broken down into four sections: his early life and career, the Star of Empire incident, his Rebel Alliance work and everything afterward. However, the structure right now is simply broken down into 11 subsections with little else to distinguish them. I personally think the subsections should be kept in place now, but the structure should be presented a bit more like this. (I made this change and then reverted it back immediately. I just wanted to be able to show you what I had in mind, but wanted to give you the chance to weigh in and make the final call before any changes were made.) What do you think?
  • By the way, forgot to ask this before, but do we know who the actor is in the infobox image? From the CCG picture? I'm guessing not, or it'd already be there, but if you knew it'd be great if you could add it. (It looks like a different person than Tom Kyte to me, but if it IS him, you could mention he was in the CCG card as well as the Hildebrant paintings...) — Hunter Kahn 03:17, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
    • At various points in the history of that article we've credited it as ILM's John Knoll and LucasArts' Jon Knoles. The latter seems rather more likely but I can't find any source for it so I took it out. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:12, September 11, 2010 (UTC)

I highly doubt my concerns above will take long to address. Well done, loved reading this one! — Hunter Kahn 05:51, September 6, 2010 (UTC)

Xicer
  • Need an article for that comedian.
  • The Alliance and the speeder racer: The ISB agent and Dash's hired security need to be referred to with gender neutral terms, since they're the player characters.
  • Genesis: "Steve Perry's original outline for Shadows of the Empire described Rendar escaping the climactic battle moments before Darth Vader's forces destroy Xizor's skyhook." Rephrase this to make it clearer which battle you're talking about. Following on from the last paragraph, it still sounds like you're talking about the Battle of Hoth.
  • Per the LG, Dash's comic appearances need to be split by issue (and preferably sourced that way too).
  • Since the EGtVV came out a couple months before the SotE novel, it technically counts as Dash's {{1stm}}. The tag should be added and maybe briefly mentioned in the Bts.
  • There are currently four redlinks: gardening droid, flexmetal, Filling in the Shadows, and A Long Time Ago, In a Toy Aisle Not So Far Away.....
  • Pretty awesome stuff. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:52, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
Trayus
  • Link for Palpatine's museum? Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 23:33, October 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • Went with the NEGC / Fact File 25 version which makes it the Imperial Museum and linked to that. I guess Palpy sees everything as his. Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:05, October 15, 2010 (UTC)
We're Whalers on the moon
  • This is nitpicky, but, in Early life: "the more independent Rendar craved independence" --- could you change up one of the "independent"s? Not just for repetition's sake, but because it reads kind of weird that he already has it yet still craves it. Menkooroo 17:10, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
    • Just removed one to avoid the repetition. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:37, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • Freelance spacer: "who he first encountered over a sabacc table isn't really clear if it's talking about just Lando, or Lando and M'Buele --- I thought it was both, which made the reference to "the three" after Han Solo was introduced pretty confusing. If Lando is playing sabacc with Rendar and Solo too, then " Rendar met up with Han Solo," should probably be changed to indicate that it wasn't just Rendar who met up with Solo.
  • "By the time Luke Skywalker arrived in the spaceport with Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Outrider was already speedily leaving the planet as Rendar set out to find his brother" --- I would ask for context on the two, but I'm not entirely sure if mentioning their arrival is relevant to Dash's article. It kinda reads like an OOU statement assuming that the reader is familiar with the events of ANH, but I don't think we can assume that. Menkooroo 01:31, January 14, 2011 (UTC)
    • It was there largely to provide an idea of when this was taking place. But I see your point. Removed. Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:56, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • Probably still worth noting that the Outrider was speeding away from the planet and that he set out to find his brother. Menkooroo 03:52, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Fourth paragraph of The ship fights back: There are two consecutive nearly-identical sentences about Dash continuing on with the remaining crewmen under guard.
    • Oops, relic of a previous objection. Fixed. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:27, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • I feel bad about this, but... should the crewman who gets sucked out into space have his own article? Even if he doesn't have a name, he is mentioned individually here and has a unique death.
    • I'd really rather not, but he can have a redlink. :P Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:27, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Does Dash get his blaster back after M-4D0 betrays them? The article mentions it being taken from him, but then he suddenly has it again when he stuns Malik --- might be worth noting that he picked it up again (or that it's a spare, now that I've read the quote for the following section :P).
    • Gets sucked out with Fourdee. The one he uses later is his spare. Should be clearer now. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:27, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Galaxy of Fear stuff looks really good. One thing that stuck out, though, was the amount of participial phrases, such as "Prying the doors open, the group climbed out..." , "Still determined to send a distress signal, but unwilling to take another turbolift, the group headed for..." , "Reaching the communications room, Zak asked..." , etc. This isn't too formal of an objection, and it's definitely something that I'm often guilty of, but I'd recommend going through and changing a few of them for the sake of variety in the sentence structure. Maybe throughout the rest of the article, too.
    • Changed a couple of them. Let me know if there's other sections that need doing, or feel free to change some. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:27, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Article for the ISB agent who delivers the Smuggler's Delight? Unless it's the player character for the card game's Dark Side campaign; if so, never mind. Menkooroo 03:52, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • The secret plans: Following a recent attempt on Skywalker's life ... is there a battle/skirmish/whatever that this refers to that could be linked here? I wish I could say without asking, but it's been a loooong time since I've read Shadows (it was my introduction to the EU!).
    • It's during the already linked Battle of Gall. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:07, January 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • However, even with the help of the Rogues, Xizor's forces had a numerical advantage ... kinda nitpicky, but this sentence implies that the Rogues are helping Xizor's forces.
    • Removed the Rogue Squadron reference to clear it up. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:07, January 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • Later life and career: Context on the New Republic (just indicating that it succeeded the Rebellion).
  • Context on Jaina Solo (even something as simple as "Jedi Knight")?
  • This may sound weird, but can you change the image caption of the first image in Equipment to be more related to the text that appears next to it? It's a good image that depicts his blaster and his outfit, but I'd like to see the caption link the image to the text.
    • The image is there for the Leebo section, I just moved it up to stop it running down into Outrider. Moved it down by the Leebo quote. Let me know what you think. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:07, January 22, 2011 (UTC)
      • Ah, my mistake. It would be OK where you had it before, then, too. Either way is good. Menkooroo 10:46, January 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • The Leebo section mentions that Rendar is too impatient to perform some tasks --- could a mention of that impatience be worked into p & t?
    • Good point. Tried to work it in where it seemed most appropriate. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:15, January 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • Leebo became a faithful companion to Rendar and provided backup as well as serving as his co-pilot. Something about that sentence strikes me as a bit odd --- could you clarify what you mean by backup? Right now I'm not sure what the difference is between providing backup and serving.
  • Outrider: Acquired while working for "Uncle" Vanya during his early career,[12] Rendar had the ship ... I think that a participial phrase only works if the first subject introduced after the comma is the same one discussed before the comma --- so in this case, it should be the Outrider rather than Dash.
  • Tense shifting in the opening of Inconsistencies ("differed" to "focuses").
  • This article follows the events as depicted in the novel and comic... but it doesn't when discussing Rendar personally retrieving the supercomputer. Why the picking and choosing?
    • The novel cuts the actual boarding part so it's possible that Rendar decides to accompany them. I've only discounted the game entirely when it totally contradicts the novel. I've reworded that sentence to hopefully make that clearer. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:15, January 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • And that's all! A truly excellent article, well-written and spectacularly researched across a multitude of sources. Bravo. Menkooroo 05:54, January 21, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:01, January 26, 2011 (UTC)