Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Darth Scabrous' HK droid

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Darth Scabrous' HK droid

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:21, July 27, 2014 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 03:32, September 2, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Lee's charge
  • A few preliminaries: Never bold a word like "this" for the pagename.
    • Changed it to an unless you have a better suggestion.
      • Sorry for not being clearer. But you should not bold words like an, this and so on. Instead bold Hunter-Killer assassin droid and link to it at a later occasion. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:16, June 10, 2014 (UTC)
        • That was taken care of along with the copy-edit.
  • Something is wrong with the quote in the characteristics section.
    • Should be taken care of.
  • You start a lot of your sentences with "the HK droid" or "the HK unit". Please vary your word choice, especially when you use these terms in short order.
    • Better?
      • I also added a few more pronouns in.
  • Do we know who pictured the droid in TERC?
    • Added.
  • I suggest giving this article a good copy-edit. I see a lot of comma errors. Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:07, June 9, 2014 (UTC)
  • Odacer-Faustin's location in the Outer Rim is intro-exclusive. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:05, June 12, 2014 (UTC)
Floyd
  • This is more a matter of personal preference, but I think the main quote sucks. Second bio quote would be waaaaaaay better. :P
    • Changed main quote and found a more fitting one for the second bio section.
  • In the intro, you describe Scabrous' droid doing a ton of stuff, but with basically zero context whatsoever. It makes for a very confusing and frustrating read.
    • Should be added now unless you see something missing.
      • I do. This: "Later that night, the droid traveled through the Sith academy's landing pad and informed the mechanic Pergus Frode to stop refueling the bounty hunters' ship." Why?
        • Added now.
  • Again, no context for the outbreak, the zombies, anything. You don't have to add a ton, but a couple sentences could go a long way.
    • Better?
  • The prose of the intro, especially towards the end, is very choppy and tough to read.
    • Should be fixed now.
  • ""STATEMENT: SIR, WE located Hestizo Trace."" Is this the way it's capitalized in the book?
    • That's the way it's shown on page 126 of my copy.
  • "Its dead boiled eyes gaped at him with what looked like accusation." OK, this is veering a bit into PBP here.
    • Removed.
  • Again, we don't need every detail of every conversation. It's a little much.
  • I'll take another look after you sort these issues out. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 02:43, August 25, 2014 (UTC)
  • Why did they decide to go rescue Trace?
    • It's only explained that it wasn't Tulkh's idea to go after her but other than that it's not really explained why they did just that they did.
  • What happened to Tulkh? You don't answer this.
    • I added some of what happened to Tulkh. Since he doesn't die till after the HK does should that still be mentioned?
  • "The droid displayed a unique speech trait, vocally prefixing every statement it made with a speech conditional that described what type the statement was. For example, if responding, it would first say "Response:" before beginning to speak." I really don't think you need the example here.
    • Removed.
  • In the BtS you call the droid "he". You don't indicate that it's male anywhere in the article, so I'm assuming this is a mistake. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:33, August 28, 2014 (UTC)
    • Yea when I first wrote the article I mistakenly assumed the droid had masculine programing but never found any reference in the novel. DarthRevan1173 RevanTOR001 (Long live Lord Revan) 02:05, August 28, 2014 (UTC)
  • Per the LG, "Abilities" needs to be folded into the "Characteristics" section. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:34, September 1, 2014 (UTC)

QGJ

  • The novel itself does not establish when it takes place. You should source all dates to other sources, like the Reader's Companion.
    • Actually it does state the year as 3645 BBY on page 3 or at least my copy does. I can change the ref if you prefer though.
      • Hmm, when I read the novel, I remember it being very vague on its timeline placement. It didn't even mention the Cold War or anything that would indicate it taking place in the TOR-era. Maybe they fixed it in the more recently published versions, or maybe my memory is very bad. I still think sourcing the dates separately would be good, but I'll leave it to your discretion. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:34, July 21, 2014 (UTC)
  • Since it's only two characters speaking, you don't need to use the dialogue template for the quote in Service to Scabrous. Use the quote template instead.
    • Changed.
  • Some context on the Murakami orchid is needed. Why was Scabrous after it?
    • Added.
  • The last two paragraphs of "Service to Scabrous" can be reworded to be more from HK's POV. You say that he told Scabrous this and that, but you don't establish that he discovered it first. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 10:34, July 18, 2014 (UTC)
    • Better? DarthRevan1173 RevanTOR001 (Long live Lord Revan) 23:57, July 18, 2014 (UTC)
      • Maybe I didn't make my objection clear enough, sorry. I was talking about the last paragraphs in the "Service to Scabrous" subsection only. You've made changes in "Partnership with Tulkh," however. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:34, July 21, 2014 (UTC)
        • Whoops well it seemed that section fit what you were talking about. Now does the last two paragraphs of "Service to Scabrous" look better. DarthRevan1173 RevanTOR001 (Long live Lord Revan) 23:44, July 21, 2014 (UTC)
SE
  • "Some time after during one of Scabrous' experiments" Is it supposed to be during or after his experiment? Or is there supposed to be a comma in there.
  • "who equipped it with a restraining bolt that suppressed the droid's assassination functions and memory of those functions" Why did he suppress the droids assassination functions?
  • "Dranok lifted the lid of the tray and saw what was on it: the stewed, severed head of his partner." Can you add in a line prior to this clarifying that Scabrous had him killed for bringing a fake? Supreme Emperor (talk) 07:13, January 4, 2015 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

  1. Inqvote Unaddressed objections over three weeks old. Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 20:06, January 26, 2015 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:08, January 26, 2015 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 20:20, January 26, 2015 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 20:26, January 26, 2015 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Supreme Emperor (talk) 23:00, January 26, 2015 (UTC)