Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Darth Malak (second nomination)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Darth Malak

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 05:42, July 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: "This is but a taste of the dark side to whet your appetite."—Darth Malak (src)

(4 Inqs/9 Users/13 Total)

Support

  1. The time I nommed Malak for GA wasn't as hard as yours. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:08, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
  2. The new info is covered perfectly, Kasra, although that's some mighty fine redundancy on CUSWE's part with 6 entries for him =P. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:12, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Great Job, you can find all about Malak from this article; who he was, before sithhood and everything else. Great quality and pictures.--DARTHRAGE 22:03, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
  4. The first emperor's representatives are well-known named. Darth Revan and Darth Malak. Nice article!--Lord David 04:23, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Well done. You'll have to do Revan next.--ID-21 Dolphin DolphinJedi(Talk) 23:53, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote After many reviews and copy-edits on IRC :P Cylka-talk- 01:42, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Well done! Not that you need more regular user votes :P SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 07:50, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 06:19, October 6, 2010 (UTC)
  9. IRC-reviewed, excellent! (: --Tm_T (Talk) 21:06, October 14, 2010 (UTC)
  10. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 16:35, October 28, 2010 (UTC)
  11. Inqvote Nice work! --Eyrezer 10:22, November 10, 2010 (UTC)
  12. I was looking for the Rodian named Malak. Menkooroo 14:54, November 14, 2010 (UTC)
  13. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 15:21, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Trayus Academy
  • The sentences in the intro are pretty short and choppy, and don't really flow into one another very well. Could you combine a few, or make them seem more relevant to one another?
    • I think I got some, let me know if more work needs to be done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 09:23, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • It's better but here's an example of what I mean: "Alek was a Human male born on the planet Quelii. When the Mandalorians attacked his homeworld, he escaped the battle. Shortly after, the Galactic Republic's immigration records assigned the name of Alek's home village as his surname. He was trained in the ways of the Jedi Order, eventually becoming a Jedi Knight.—the short sentences are really choppy and don't seem to relate to one another. There are a few other sections with a similar issue. I don't know if it helps everyone, but something that prevents me from doing this is reading it aloud to hear the flow, as its sometimes able to catch visually. I dunno. However you do it, these and others could be strung together a bit smoother. A suggestion would be "When the Mandalorians attacked his homeworld, he escaped the battle and fled towards Galactic Republic space. The Republics immigration records assigned the name of Alek's home village, Squinquargesimus, as his surname, and so for a time he was known to his comrades as "Squint"." That way the two sentences are related, and the note about his surname is more relevant to the intro. You can word it however you like though, as this is just a suggestion. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 21:20, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
  • In the intro, could you give some information on how Malak got involved in the war before you go into Zayne and the Covenant?
  • Could you also give a bit of explanation as to why he took the name Malak?
  • I'll pick this up later when I have more time, but that's what I'll leave you with for tonight. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 08:59, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • Looking forward to it, show no mercy. Seriously.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 09:33, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
  • You could condense the paragraph in "The Adasca Affair" regarding how Carrick got on the Legacy—all that needs to be said is that he arrived with Karath. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 21:20, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
  • Although I'm not quite done, the body looks great, and I'm impressed by your handling of the Demagol/Dyre explanations. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 21:20, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks, I was concerned about the Dyre/Demagol issue.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:32, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • The "Darth Malak" name is mentioned nowhere in the intro. I'd even recommend that you start off the intro with Darth Malak's info (saying that he was a Sith Lord, mostly) instead of mentioning Alek first, since that's the primary legacy he left. Additionally, the first sentence of the intro should convey more of his significance, as it currently only says he was a human—and that doesn't seem very notable, to be honest.
    • I had done this, in an attempt to do what I had done with Rawk, but I guess it didn't work out as well this time. Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:52, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Please trim down the detail you put into the discussion between Alek and Carrick in the second paragraph of "Recruiting for the Revanchists," as it's overall too p-b-p with too much unnecessary detail.
  • I know that I brought this objection up during Malak's first nomination, and I know we discussed it them, but can the placement of the context surrounding the Covenant's framing of Carrick be evaluated—or possibly moved to when Alek/Malak actually becomes involved in the situation? I don't think I can stress enough that every single piece of information in articles needs to be presented in its proper place, and since Malak hasn't been affected by this yet, I'm still unsure if this is the best place to put it. You might consider shortening it, if it can be shortened any further. Please see what you can do about this.
    • Hmm, you make a good point. The only problem with this is that Carrick's on the run in the Flashpoint Station section, so this provides context for why he's a fugitive. If you want me to move it, or do something with it, I will, though.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 05:29, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
      • As much as I'd still like it to be moved somewhere else, I admittedly can't find an appropriate place to do so, so it should be fine where it is now. However, I'd still like you to shorten it somewhat; every piece of information must be directly relevant to Malak, and everything else must be brief and concise. This particular context is a bit wordy and has some info whose relevance is rather shady. Here's what I'd recommend: something along the lines of "After Alek and the Revanchists left Taris, however, Lucien Draay and his fellow Jedi Masters of the secret Jedi organization known as the Covenant acted on a vision, killing their Padawans in an attempt to prevent the rise of a potential Sith Lord among them and framing Carrick for the crime. Carrick was subsequently forced to hide from the Jedi Order and civil authorities." While this example may not be very different than what you already have, the point I'm trying to make is that it must be worded according to relevance rather than chronology; the info must be presented in an appropriate manner that focuses more on the character than the time line of events. CC7567 (talk) 08:17, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
        • Cool. I reworded the info and combined the paragraphs, so it's just two for that section, now.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:39, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • "who had helped Carrick to elude the Jedi Masters on Taris": this objection depends on how the previous one is handled, but if you decide to move the Covenant context, you might want to provide different context for Jarael. Was she an associate/ally of Carrick? If that's the case, it might be more appropriate to say that, as it's more specific.
  • "En route to the galactic capital, however, Demagol fell into a drug-induced coma and could not be awakened to stand trial. In actuality, Demagol had drugged Rohlan Dyre and switched armors with the Mandalorian deserter in order to travel with Jarael, Carrick, and their companions." Like the context on the Covenant, is this context really relevant here? I honestly don't find it to be, seeing as Malak still isn't yet involved in this. Please clarify.
    • Normally, I would move this, but Demagol is involved in other situations with Malak, including the Adasca Affair, the return to Taris, his confrontation with him on Wor Tandell, etc. To just call him Dyre in all these instances, I feel, would be an error.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:46, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
      • Can this be moved to "The Adasca Affair," then? I'm definitely not trying to suggest that you should simply remove this canonical info, but what I am saying is that it's not totally relevant here. Going on to say something like "Demagol, who had secretly switched armors with Dyre and was posing as the deserter" when you first mention Demagol in "The Adasca Affair" would be more prudent, I think. CC7567 (talk) 08:17, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
        • Done. If you think the info about Dyre being drugged is too much, I'll remove it, but I do feel it needs to be there to show that Demagol didn't just switch armors with Dyre's consent, the reader will want to know how.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:39, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • I have to stop there due to time constraints, and I'll continue with "The Adasca Affair" soon. CC7567 (talk) 02:17, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • Alright, cool. If you want, I can access IRC now, so if you want I'll meet you on there sometime. Also, in the intro you put Darth in a plural. I'm not sure that can be done, and that generally is frowned upon, from what I've seen.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:46, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
      • I've reverted that, then. CC7567 (talk) 08:17, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • A quick query regarding the changes you made about the last objection I left: you added this ref to source the fact that Demagol was posing as Dyre, but didn't add a follow-up ref for the one that the entire paragraph was referenced do. That being said, is all of that info you just added citable to KotOR 47, since that's what the referencing currently holds? Please check this and clarify.
    • I think I got this, please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • "This was in response to the invitation that Arkoh Adasca—the eighth lord of the House of Adasca and the leader of the Adascorp medical corporation—had extended to Revan. Prior to Alek's departure, several Jedi experienced visions regarding the possible importance of Adasca's "discovery" and the role it could play in the ongoing conflict. Alek was instructed by Revan to ensure that this new danger was taken out of the mix." This passage is overall rather choppy and a little unclear. Can you specify what Adasca's invitation was for and what his "discovery" was? Both of these details are currently missing from this part of the article. Also, "taken out of the mix" is a little colloquial; please be more specific in what you're trying to say here.
    • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • The invitation is still unclear, and the discovery itself still comes out of the blue. Here's what I'd recommend: add "who had discovered" after the context on Adasca in dashes (the part that ends with "Adascorp medical corporation") and explain exactly what he discovered with the exogorths. Did he create them? Manufacture them? Reintroduce them to the galaxy? CC7567 (talk) 21:58, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
        • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:51, August 28, 2010 (UTC)
          • Even though it's still not clear what the invitation was for, I'm going to strike this objection for now for reasons I'm explaining in the Comments section. CC7567 (talk) 06:24, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Alek confided to Jarael that he did not believe Zayne Carrick was guilty of the charges levied against him." I'm quite sure that you're referring to the Covenant's framing of Carrick for being the perpetrator of the Padawan Massacre, but as you haven't said before that there were charges levied against him, it's rather unclear what these charges are. Please reword for clarification; framing someone for something isn't the same as actually levying charges against that person—in fact, one is usually legal and the other is usually not.
  • "Jarael attempted to make Alek see that Adasca was a madman": how exactly did she do this? Did she do it physically, with phsyical evidence or something? The word choice is a little ambiguous here, as you don't mention exactly how Jarael did so, and that leaves room for misinterpretation. If this is all a conversation and Jarael isn't actually making Alek "see" anything, then please reword accordingly, but if it's something physical, then please provide more detail.
  • "Later, aboard the vessel, Adasca revealed his plan to use giant worm-like creatures, known as exogorths, as destructive biological weapons." What or whom was Adasca planning to use them on? If it isn't known, he still has to have a reason for planning to use the exogorths, which is what I'm looking for. Please clarify.
  • "Alek's disgust transformed into alarm": what exactly caused this? You don't specifically link this to Mandalore the Ultimate's announcement, so please do so if that's what you intended to do. Also, the jump from Karath's dialogue to here is rather rough, so please try to reword it for better flow.
  • "Alek's disgust transformed into alarm, and he lit his lightsaber…" "Alek leaped forward and ignited his lightsaber…": so he ignited his lightsaber twice? Please clarify.
  • Mandalore the Ultimate's reason for attending the Adasca meeting (i.e. the question if he was even invited) is not clarified anywhere. Please do so, as it's quite a necessary detail.
  • "After the devastating events of the battle at Serroco, Zayne Carrick, along with Karath, Lieutenant Carth Onasi, and Commander Dallan Morvis, escaped Karath's command ship aboard Onasi's own ship." Why did they have to escape—and why did Karath have to escape his own command ship, for that matter? Although the reason for the transfer of ships is currently unclear, I'm not sure if it's is necessary at all—if they "fled the battle aboard Onasi's ship," you can simply say so without having to mention Karath's ship, which is the part that I'm not totally convinced is relevant. Please reevaluate the necessity and relevance of this detail; if you choose to keep it, please also add more context to make it clearer, though not too much.
    • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • Looking at the content of this passage, I suspect that you're trying to place Karath's escape from Serroco before Adasca's meeting, yet the article currently isn't doing that. Please clarify; if Karath escaped the battle before the meeting, please reword all appropriate content with the past perfect tense ("had escaped," "had boarded") instead of regular past tense, which is what you're using right now. CC7567 (talk) 21:58, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • "After Draay and Carrick destroyed the HK-24 units watching them": specifically, where were these droids? On the Legacy? In space? Somewhere else? (And why were they watching them?)
  • Can the reason for Carrick's and the others' boarding of the Legacy be clarified earlier? If they were doing so to "put an end to Adasca's scheme," you should say that from the start instead of waiting to do so later. If it was another reason, please clarify that too.
    • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • That's not quite what I'm looking for; I'm referring to the part where you say "Shortly after Karath received a transmission from Vamm regarding Adasca's meeting, Carrick boarded the Legacy with Karath, Onasi, and Morvis." Were they boarding the ship with the intention of interrupting the meeting? Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 21:58, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Alek was shocked that Draay would deny them passage just to get to Carrick. Before Carrick could comply with Draay": What exactly is Draay doing here? You do say that he's denying the group passage "just to get to Carrick," but you never directly clarify what he was trying to do—arrest him, kill him, or whatever else. Please fix this missing detail.
    • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • That still doesn't really clarify it. If "Alek was surprised when Draay denied them passage just to arrest Carrick," then saying so will make it clearer. CC7567 (talk) 21:58, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
        • Better?—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:34, August 28, 2010 (UTC)
          • I've fixed this myself; please take a look at my edit to see what I meant. CC7567 (talk) 06:24, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Alek traveled with Carrick and his crew in the Williwaw to Taris in order help the resistance there": who exactly is intending to go and aid the resistance? You make it sound like Alek, Carrick, and the latter's crew were going, but then only Carrick gets dropped off. Please clarify if possible.
    • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • The "reuniting with" isn't really being used correctly here; "reunite" is a transitive verb, which means that you have to say "Alek was helping to aid the fugitive in being reunited with Hieroglyph" in order for it to work. (Overall, though, I would recommend just going with a more appropriate/specific word choice, like "rendezvousing" or "meeting up with," though it depends on whether or not Carrick knew that Hieroglyph was alive—that part needs to be clarified too.) Also, why didn't Alek go with Carrick to Taris if he was trying to help him to get reunited with Hieroglyph? Please clarify if known. CC7567 (talk) 21:58, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Soon after, Carrick's former Master, Lucien Draay, gained a seat on the High Council on Coruscant. In the Council Chamber before the other Masters, Draay claimed that the path that Revan sought was wrong for both the Republic and the Jedi. The Council approved Draay's first motion, which involved the recall—and if necessary, the detention—of all the Revanchists, as well as any renegade Jedi." Was Alek actually there in the Council Chamber when this was taking place? If not, I'm not sure why this much detail (mostly the mention of the Council's location in the Chamber) is completely relevant; please clarify.
  • "After sending a holographic transmission": this is really quite minor, but what exactly was this transmission for? An arrangement for their meeting? And is it necessary to mention the transmission at all, seeing as the Jedi Masters apparently agreed to meet with them?
  • "Lamar stated that if they accused Krynda Draay": accuse her of what, specifically? Please clarify.
    • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • Like for one of your previous additions, I suspect that the ref you added for the "Covenanters" name is just for that name, yet it's currently presented as a source for all of the KotOR 31 info. Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 21:58, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Alek was then sent to the Revanchists with a final warning": I'm assuming that this is another "disband or else" warning, but please clarify all the same.
  • Please try to link the "Masks" quote caption to Malak somehow; the quote doesn't seem completely appropriate if Malak isn't mentioned somewhere.
    • Please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • There are two minor issues with the new quote: one, the ending italic formatting for "sanction" seems to have been misplaced, and two, the punctuation for the end of the sentence is missing. Please fix this. CC7567 (talk) 21:58, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • Please check the third paragraph of the "Masks" section and eliminate any detail that is unnecessary to Jarael's vision of Malak. For example, you could say that Jarael was simply "on Jervo's World, accompanying Carrick to a swoopdueling event, when she experienced her vision." I'd recommend chopping off as much of the unnecessary context as possible.
  • Coming from someone who is mostly unfamiliar with all of this source material, most of these objections pertain to clarity; sometimes, what you're trying to say doesn't always come off as completely clear. I recommend trying to check through the rest of the article for this issue before I continue my review. I'll pick up from "Confrontation on Wor Tandell" once these are fixed. CC7567 (talk) 08:20, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • OK, I'll take a look through.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:20, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • As a side note, I removed some stuff due to Cylka's review, so just letting you know before you continue your review.—Jedi Kasra ((comlink)) 02:51, 2010-08-28 (UTC)
Cylka
  • Talking about the Mandalorians assaulting the Republic and the resulting Mandalorian Wars you call them the invading forces and that is fine. However, a couple of sentences later you talk about Revan and Malak scouting before the Mandalorian invasion after being prohibited by the Order. The wording seems to muddle the timeline a bit. I think you need to clear up the difference between the Mandalorian assault and invasion.
  • A doctor later informed Alek, who had lost his hair due to Demagol's experiments, that his hair would not grow back. - This sentence doesn't fit at the end of the paragraph. It would fit better after the description of Demagol's tests on Alek.
  • I'm not sure that you need to add that Eejee invited Karath since it makes it seem that Eejee was acting on his own instead of Adasca's orders. As I recall, that wasn't the situation. You should also include that Mandalore was invited to the meeting. Otherwise it seems as if he just “popped” in.
  • and he lit his lightsaber when Mandalore the Ultimate, the leader of the Mandalorians, announced his arrival to the meeting via holotransmission. As Mandalore entered the Arkanian Legacy, Alek leaped forward and ignited his lightsaber in an attempt to kill Mandalore and end the war. - This is redundant.
  • I'm not convinced that Camper needs to be included in the article. I think that his role isn't very well explained and the necessary context would add too much weight to the article. Camper isn't critical to Alek's story. He doesn't need to be named as the owner of the Last Resort. You can avoid mentioning him when Jarael talks on her comlink. And him controlling the exogorths can be described as them going out of control. As for Jarael refusing Alek based on Adasca and Camper, you can simply say that she had recently lost her faith in men or whatnot and isn't ready.
  • After the devastating events of the battle at Serroco, Zayne Carrick, along with Karath, Lieutenant Carth Onasi, and Commander Dallan Morvis, escaped Karath's command ship aboard Onasi's own ship.[28] After Karath received a transmission from Vamm regarding Adasca's meeting,[26] Carrick boarded the Legacy with Karath, Onasi, and Morvis, but Carrick was then imprisoned with his former Master, Lucien Draay,[27] who had been ordered by Haazen, a co-founder of the Jedi Covenant, to investigate Adasca,[26] an old friend of Draay's.[27] After Draay and Carrick destroyed the HK-24 units watching them, they met up with Onasi and Demagol and worked together to create a plan to compromise Adasca's scheme. – Again, it seems to me that there is information that is unneeded at this point. There isn't anyway to add context about the escape from Karath's ship without adding too much weight. I also think you could simply state that Carrick and Draay escaped without adding who they defeated. These points aren't important to Alek's story, which is the focus. There is a great deal of information about Malak and I think that anything that isn't critical to his life should be removed in order to lose weight. Otherwise some of readers may lose interest in reading this article.
  • While Karath, Morvis, and Onasi escaped on the Deadweight, the others searched for another ship, since Alek's ship had been destroyed in one of the docking bays. Alek was shocked that Draay would deny them passage just to get to Carrick. Before Carrick could comply with Draay, the Moomo Williwaw, the starship of the Ithorian bounty hunters Dob and Del Moomo, crashed into the Legacy. This prevented Draay from apprehending Carrick, and Alek traveled with Carrick and his crew in the Williwaw to Taris in order help the resistance there. - The part about Draay denying them passage to get Carrick is really confusing to the casual reader. If someone isn't entirely familiar with the comics, they will have no idea what this is about. You need to find a way to rewrite this so that people who haven't read the comics can understand what is going on. However, make sure that you don't add too much weight since Draay's issues with Carrick affect Alek slightly.
  • When the Williwaw returned to Taris, the ship was hassled by Mandalorians that had recently invaded the world. Once Demagol had managed to get the Mandalorians to fly away from the ship, Alek signaled to Carrick, who was dressed in the Mandalorian armor that he had acquired from Demagol on the Legacy. With a jetpack, Carrick then rocketed down to the city below. After this, Alek and the crew flew off in the Williwaw. - Again, this is too much info. You could simply state that the Williwaw dropped off Carrick and Alek and the rest of the crew flew off. Please spend some time going through the article and reducing where you can.
  • I'm going to stop my review at this point in order to give you time to go through the article. Just by skimming further along I feel that the destruction of Jebbel, Draay's actions as part of the High Council, Xamar's defection and the subsequent destruction of the Covenant are too detailed. Very little of it involved Alek. I know that my review may seem a bit contrary to the reviews given by others, but some sections really need to be slimmed down. Cylka-talk- 02:53, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
    • Alright, I think I've taken care of all these objections, please try it.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:42, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
      • Further objections are being taken care of on IRC. Cylka-talk- 21:13, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
The clone returns
  • I know I'm being rather picky here again, but is there any chance that the dialogue in the second paragraph of The Adasca Affair can be shortened? It seems a bit extraneous right now.
  • "When Adasca struck Jarael for talking through her wrist comlink, Alek ignited his lightsaber and placed the blade near Adasca's throat, using it as leverage to "persuade" Adasca not to hurt her again before deactivating it once more." Is this bit essential to the main line of events? I know that it's important in highlighting Alek's care for Jarael, but it might be better placed in the P&T instead of the Bio, as it doesn't seem like a necessary detail to the biography's events. Please see what you can do.
    • Moved to the "Relationship with Jarael" subsection.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:40, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • In the first paragraph of the Confrontation on Wor Tandell, can you shorten the dialogue a bit? It's again getting to be a little long-winded.
  • Quite good so far. I'll continue with "Dark Lord of the Sith" soon. CC7567 (talk) 21:17, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • "and ordered Admiral Saul Karath aboard his flagship, the Leviathan, to destroy the planet": it's a bit unclear what the "aboard the Leviathan" part is supposed to be referring to. Do you mean that Malak and Karath were aboard the ship when Malak ordered him to destroy Taris, or that Karath was ordered to destroy Taris with the Leviathan? Please clarify.
  • "to track down the allies": who exactly are the "allies"? Allies of whom? Please clarify.
  • "The Jedi Council had sensed this would happen and attempted to evacuate everyone, but they were unsuccessful": what part, specifically, was "unsuccessful"? It's not very clear here, especially since you go on to say that the Council escaped and some artifacts were salvaged.
  • "During Arkoh Adasca's auction for the exogorth superweapons, Adasca struck Jarael for talking through her wrist comlink. In response, Alek ignited his lightsaber and placed the blade near Adasca's throat, using it as leverage to "persuade" Adasca not to hurt her again before deactivating it once more." Perhaps you could mention somewhere here how this example highlights Malak's "protectiveness" of her, if it can be stated that way; it'll link it a bit better to the P&T.
  • Is it really necessary to mention in the Bts all the comics covers that Malak was on? It seems to be a tad unnecessary; please clarify.
    • I had thought these were notable, but probably is just fluff. Removed.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:59, October 4, 2010 (UTC)
  • That should be it from me. Good work. CC7567 (talk) 07:53, October 3, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks very much for the review, CC!—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:59, October 4, 2010 (UTC)
  • Can it be directly clarified somewhere that at some point in time Malak took the Leviathan as his flagship? After it's first introduced as Karath's flagship, the connection isn't made until the "Betraying the Master" section, so I think this can be clarified a bit better. CC7567 (talk) 06:48, October 4, 2010 (UTC)
Soresu
  • Alright, I've got me yearly exams coming up in a week, but I was never a believer in suddenly doing so much study for a number, so I'll get through as much as I can. Bear with me though, I don't have much experience with FAN reviews.
    • No prob, anybody is welcome. Wanna get Malak as perfect as possible.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:24, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • "It's ridiculous, don't you see? The Sith threat ended what, 30 years ago? The Mandalorians are the threat. The Mandalorian are here... almost. We need every able-bodied Jedi we can get." Is that meant to be "The Mandalorians are here... almost?"
  • Could you give a date on the start of the Mandalorian Wars?
  • Sometime before 3,964 BBY, both of the young men completed their training and attained the rank of Jedi Knight. Could that be integrated closer to In the year 3,964 BBY, Alek and the Revanchists began participating in the war effort through a scouting mission along the Outer Rim. The Wars were ten years before, so putting it there is a bit early IMO.
  • If Alek called Revan "his honorary Master," should he be in the infobox as his Jedi Master as well as Sith?
    • So did the other members of the Revanchists, if I recall. I'm not too keen on adding him as his actual Master in the infobox.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:24, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • however, Lucien Draay and his fellow Jedi Masters of the secret Jedi organization known as the Covenant acted on a vision,[18] murdering their Padawans[19] in an attempt to prevent the rise of a potential Sith Lord,[18] and framed Carrick for the crime. Could it be specified that Carrick survived? He can't be framed if he's dead.
  • When the light struck it Nitpicky, but "the" should never be used unless you've referred to the object before.
  • More to come. Up to Confrontation on Wor Tandell. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 08:57, October 4, 2010 (UTC)
  • In the image for "Battle of Rakata Prime", could you crop out that disturbance on the left and re-centre him if necessary?
  • According to the Knights of the Old Republic video game's lead designer, James Ohlen, as the designers at BioWare began to flesh out their initial story about Revan, they realized that they needed a good antagonist. Needing a good antagonist is a little bit obvious. Could you be more specific as to what role he needed to fulfill?
  • Why isn't the bit about him being a Sith Magnus stated anywhere but in the bts?
    • Because there is no official conformation as to what exactly it is. I recently asked Pena on his SW.com thread, but he hasn't answered yet.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 07:46, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • And that's it! Nice work, Kasra! And now to do some study so I don't fail the exams ^_^ SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 07:34, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thank you very much for the review, Soresu! And I hope you do well with those exams!—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 07:46, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
Scratched CD :'(
  • The bio doesn't state that he fled from his homeworld and made his way to the Republic, but rather just starts talking about his immigration records, which is a little confusing, 'specially since the intro does state that. Can you mention that in the bio, too?
  • "... and said that sometimes one had to enter the darkness in order to save the light." How do you feel about rewording that to be less of a verbatim quote? Something like... "and advised him that it was sometimes necessary to enter thedarkness in order to save the light." Thoughts?
  • Can you establish that Alek isn't the only one to be captured on Suurja and taken to Flashpoint? The article doesn't actually mention his companions until Carrick rescues them.
  • Nitpciky, but the "eventually" that kicks off The Adasca affair makes it seem like there was something leading up to it, when really, the invitation kinda came out of nowhere. Could you reword it, maybe try to figure out the time between and say "a few days later" or something?
  • "When asked by Adasca if the exogorths could be entrusted to the Jedi, Alek stated that it was not such a bad idea, explaining to a shocked Jarael that" is pretty long-winded and pbpish. I feel like it could be parred down to something like "However, he felt that they could be entrusted to the Jedi, as" . Whaddya think?
  • Maybe just a few too many "Alek was surprised", "Alek expressed shock", etc, in the Adasca section... how about rewording the bit about Draay wanting to arrest Zayne at the end? A touch more context is needed on the Williwaw and why it suddenly appeared is needed, anyway, so go nuts! :^D
  • "Alek told her to ask herself if it was the timing that was the problem or if it was just him that she did not want to become involved with." seems to me like the kind of detail that's best left out of the bio (and not just because it's a pbp recount of their conversation) and included strictly in the relationships section. Thoughts?
  • More to come! Menkooroo 09:09, October 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • Cool, and if you wanna KO a few objections on IRC, let me know.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:23, October 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • Are there three speakers at the beginning of Against the Jedi covenant? I think the dialogue template is needed for more than two people, and for more than two lines, also.
    • Not a big fan of the dialogue template—especially when there's only two speakers, as is the case in the "Flashpoint Station," "Final confrontation and death," and "Relationship with Jarael" sections—but I suppose it doesn't hurt. Implemented in this section and the aformentioned ones.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:25, October 23, 2010 (UTC)
  • Didn't Alek offer Jarael and/or Zayne a place at his side in the final pages of Vindication? Or am I remembering wrong? Menkooroo 05:29, October 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • The dialogue between Gryph and Jarael certainly implies that he did—she tells Gryph "He [Malak] thinks I can help…"—but it's still implied, and not outright stated.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:25, October 23, 2010 (UTC)
  • This is just a suggestion, but I'm interested to hear your thoughts on it --- how do you feel about cutting down the number of subsections in the bio? The article's long enough, IMO, that it might flow better with less short, two-paragraph subsections. Admittedly, this is just a stylistic choice and is in no way a real objection, but it's definitely some food for thought. What I mean is, the article gives an entirely new section for every issue/arc of the KOTOR comic that Alek is in, when it might do better to combine some of them into larger subsections with more general and less specific titles. For example, Confrontation on Wor Tandell directly follows Masks, and the two are linked under the theme of the Jedi Order officially signing on to the Mandalorian Wars ("Masks" also seems a bit toooo much like an OOU title for a bio subsection). Also, Betraying the Master is super short and might fit better as part of Sith apprentice. Any thoughts?
    • Cool, I moved the "Confrontation on Wor Tandell" section under the section "Vision on Cathar," which was formerly "Masks." Moved the "Betraying the Master" section to "Sith apprentice."—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:25, October 23, 2010 (UTC)
  • A lot of the first paragraph of Confrontation on Wor Tandell is sourced to a thread on the Dark Horse forums --- I think that ref 12 should be in there before the "Since the Mandalorians had destroyed..." sentence.
  • "Malak had answered to names that others gave him and were not his own because he had not cared; Malak thought that because his home was gone, it did not matter who he was. However, he concluded that on the contrary, his identity did indeed matter because there was nobody left who knew him as Alek, and Malak stated that he would make sure that people would remember his current identity." Maybe I'm crazy, but that whole bit seems really overly descriptive and pbp-y to me. A recommendation --- maybe it would be better to put that stuff at the beginning of Confrontation on Wor Tandell, and describe it (in much less detail) when Malak personally decides on it. I feel like the article should mention it when he himself decides it, not when he later describes it to Jarael.
    • I put all this detail in the P&T section, actually. Could you please check it out?
      • It's still in the bio. I think it should be, yeah, but in much less detail and in the proper chronological place (when he decides it, not when he later recounts it).
  • In an effort to cut down extraneous recounts of conversations: How do you feel about cutting down: "Carrick pretended that he and Jarael were romantically involved, which surprised Malak. He asked Jarael why she had not told him that she and Carrick were together, and Carrick replied that they had only gotten together recently. Carrick explained how Telettoh and Ferroh told him of Malak's plans and that he and Jarael had plans of their own." to something like "Carrick pretended that he and Jarael had recently become romantically involved, which surprised Malak." I think that that conveys everything that needs to be conveyed, while also preventing the section from summarizing every line of every conversation that Malak has in the issue. Whaddya think?
  • The opening of The Trial of Demagol reads more like it's from Zayne's POV than Malak's. Instead of revealing information about Malak as he himself reveals it to Zayne, I feel like the article should reveal it as it happens. So, before saying that Malak testified against Demagol, say that he captured Omonoth and then left his ship with Karath. Then go into the Trial stuff. Make sense?
    • Done.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:25, October 23, 2010 (UTC)
      • Looks good, but I think the word "recover" is missing from the opening sentence of the section. Aaaand when Malak later recounts it to Zayne, could you reword it so it's not the same sentence again? Something like "informed him of the victory at Omonoth, and then he left..." or something?
  • Still more to come! :) Menkooroo 11:57, October 22, 2010 (UTC)
  • Can you tell a little bit about how Revan and Malak amassed their invasion fleet and what it was composed of? Ie, Mando war vets or whatever.
  • "This marked the beginning of an anticipated twenty-year campaign to end the "tyranny" of the Jedi Council once and for all," --- I'm a little confused by this sentence. Who has been anticipating it for twenty years?
  • Second paragraph of The search for Bastila Shan --- should most of it be sourced to the KOTORCG, or was that supposed to only be a sentence or two? Isn't most of that straight from the game?
  • Is there another image of Malak from some of the early cut scenes of KOTOR that you could get to use in place of that image of Bandon? If images of a character are available, I feel like those are always preferable in that character's article, rather than an image of someone or something else. Is there anyone who can provide this for you?
  • Can you reword this bit? "Before Revan and his crew were taken to the detention area, the Jedi instructed one of the members of the crew to free the rest of the group from the Leviathan's detention area." The double use of "detention area", and the identifying it as the Leviathan's detention area only the second time around, are kinda weird.
  • Same thing later in the paragraph: "Sometime after Karath departed the detention area, an Ebon Hawk crew member managed to liberate Revan and the others from the detention area." Can you modify it to be less repetitive?
  • Legacy introduces the Jedi Exile, but without context, it's not clear that she's the same Jedi General mentioned earlier in the article. Menkooroo 01:04, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • Powers and abilities: Immediately after, the Dark Lord exemplified his skills in throwing, igniting, and plunging his lightsaber into the chest of one of the captured Jedi. Do you think it's reallllly necessary to say that he was skilled at igniting a lightsaber? :^P Unless he telekinetically ignited it --- if so, can you reword and specify?
  • Malak's a pretty major and prominent character in the EU --- I feel like it's a bit much for the bts to detail everything he's ever appeared in. What he's significantly appeared in, sure, like KOTOR game and KOTOR comics, but I feel like the Shadows and Light and Journal of Doctor Demagol bits are overkill. Thoughts? Also, I feel like the detail in the TOR timeline stuff is too much --- does it really matter who voiced Gnost-Dural when the article is about Malak?
    • Hmm.… I think the S&L comic is significant, as it was his first appearance in comic format. I think it's notable to mention his involvement in Demagol's journal, as well. Cut the stuff regarding Dural and Henriksen's vocal portrayal of him.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:29, November 10, 2010 (UTC)
  • I think the second paragraph in the bts needs some more focus. It kind of reads like an assorted list of trivia. The stuff about the three lists that he appeared in might do better in their own paragraph (possibly at the end of the bts?) that focuses on his impact on popular culture. Everything beginning with "Malak received an entry in The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia" might do better as its own paragraph, leaving the stuff about JJM's production notes on its own. Whaddya think?
  • Is the first sentence in the bts's second paragraph necessary? "I'll reveal more about this character in later issues" doesn't seem like a particularly... noteworthy author comment. Seems like something JJM, John or Jan would routinely say at the Jedi Council forums. He said he would reveal more info, and then he did. Not really a big deal.
  • The "In his production notes for the Knights of the Old Republic Campaign Guide," sentence kinda comes out of nowhere, as the bts hasn't yet told us that Alek existed for a while as a separate character from Malak. You should mention that the KOTOR comics introduced the "Alek" character but didn't equate him with Malak until the release of the KOTOR campaign guide. If you want to add a sentence like "Fans speculated that the two were the same", I can get you a few links to Jedi Council Forums threads. :^)
    • I would appreciate these links, yes, please.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:29, November 10, 2010 (UTC)
      • OK! Here are a few examples of fans speculating on the subject. Take a look at them and choose the best... four or five? That should be enough, I think. Fan speculation that the two were the same character was really rampant across the boards. Definitely noteworthy, I think. Also, it was actually The Essential Guide to the Force that was the first canonical source to reveal that Alek and Malak were the same, not the KOTOR Campaign Guide. My bad.[1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8]

  1. ↑ Premium-Era-real Knights of the Old Republic #10: Flashpoint, part 3 (of 3) by cbagmjg on Jedi Council Forums (November 22, 2006) (backup link not verified!)
  2. ↑ Premium-Era-real Knights of the Old Republic #10: Flashpoint, part 3 (of 3) by wild_karrde on Jedi Council Forums (November 22, 2006) (backup link not verified!)
  3. ↑ Premium-Era-real Knights of the Old Republic #15: Days of Fear, part 3 (of 3) by cbagmjg on Jedi Council Forums (April 11, 2007) (backup link not verified!)
  4. ↑ Premium-Era-real Knights of the Old Republic #15: Days of Fear, part 3 (of 3) by Vana on Jedi Council Forums (April 15, 2007) (backup link not verified!)
  5. ↑ Premium-Era-real Knights of the Old Republic #20: Daze of Hate, part 2 (of 3) by Squishy_Vic on Jedi Council Forums (September 18, 2007) (backup link not verified!)
  6. ↑ Premium-Era-real Bah, I give in! Knights of the Old Republic comic series by Ackbar_Van_Gungan on Jedi Council Forums (October 5, 2007) (backup link not verified!)
  7. ↑ Premium-Era-real Party on, Zayne! Party on, Carth! KotOR (comics & games) and the EU (Spoilers Allowed) by Rouge77 on Jedi Council Forums (October 15, 2007) (backup link not verified!)
  8. ↑ Premium-Era-real Zayne Carrick- Revan? by Charlemagne19 on Jedi Council Forums (July 23, 2007) (backup link not verified!)
  • And some clarification of what I'm looking for: The bts should state that Alek existed as a unique character for a while in the comic, with fans speculating that he was in fact Malak, until The Essential Guide to the Force confirmed that they were the same dude. That would fit really well immediately before the sentence about how JJM always intended for the two to be the same. Menkooroo 12:12, November 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • Got it, thanks very much for the links. Owe ya one!—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:53, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • Even if the meaning isn't clear, Sith Magnus should have an article, since it's a canonical subject.
  • The stuff about the iris inconsistency might fit better in the previous paragraph, which has already discussed a couple of inconsistencies.
  • And... that's all! Excellent work, my friend. :^) Menkooroo 05:30, October 26, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks very much for the review!—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:53, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
QGJ
  • I'm not quite sure what the last part of this sentence means. It feels like there's a word missing or something. Eventually, Malak and the Republic forces under his command recaptured the Omonoth system long enough to the Arkanian Legacy's remains.
  • I believe that the battle of Malachor V deserves a bit more context. Up until this point, the article's been building up to a final confrontation with the Mandalorians, what with Malak's determination to defeat them, yet in the end you speak only of some "cataclysmic final battle." Revan's killing of Mandalore is particularly important, IMO.
  • I also think that the Legacy section needs a brief mention of the Sith Triumvirate's rise and subsequent defeat by the Exile, seeing as this was what remained of Malak's Sith Empire. It's up to you to make the call, though.
  • That's it from me. Great job, Kasra. A very interesting read. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 21:00, October 23, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks very much for the review, QuiGon.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:14, October 26, 2010 (UTC)
Eyrezer
  • In the affiliation field in the Infobox, you do not identify under which names he was affiliated with the Sith. As all the rest have this information, I think this one should too. --Eyrezer 06:56, November 1, 2010 (UTC)
Green Tentacle
  • The Adasca Affair: "As the Republic Admiral Saul Karath, who had been invited after escaping the Mandalorians' destruction of Serroco…" Relevance of the Serroco bit? You could just say "As Admiral Saul Karath, representing the Republic…"
  • The Adasca Affair: "Eventually, Lucien Draay—who had arrived on the Legacy earlier in order to investigate Adasca—and Carrick met up with Republic lieutenant Carth Onasi—who had boarded the Legacy with Karath, Carrick, and Republic commander Dallan Morvis—and Dyre to work together to create a plan to compromise Adasca's scheme." That's a lot of names and a lot of asides. Any way to make it clearer?
    • Please try it, I think the last objection helped take care of this.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:00, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • The Adasca Affair: It's not clear what Zayne and co's plan is. He initiates a diversion but you don't say what for and whether the exogorths go out of control as a result of the plan or something else.
    • Fixed the first part of this. Now, the exogorths were under Camper's control at this point, but I removed mention of him from the article, due to Cylka's review and the fact that he really isn't all that relevant to Malak.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:00, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
      • Fair enough. Knowing what Zayne's plan is is enough to figure out that it's something else. Green Tentacle (Talk) 15:39, November 13, 2010 (UTC)
  • The Adasca Affair: "Alek traveled with Carrick and his crew in the Williwaw so that the fugitive could rendezvous with Marn Hierogryph, who had been presumed dead after the Mandalorians' destruction of Serroco." Again the Serroco bit isn't relevant. You could just say "…rendezvous with Marn Hierogryph on Taris."
  • Against the Jedi Covenant: "Before they separated once more, Alek told Carrick, who engineered the plan to stop the Covenant, to bring evidence of what the Covenant was doing to the Jedi High Council." Other than having killed the Padawans, it's not stated what the Covenant are actually doing.
    • Added part about the Sanctum of the Exalted.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:00, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • Vision on Cathar: T1-LB and Slyssk should be linked in the quote attribution since they're not mentioned anywhere else.
  • Vision on Cathar: "Malak told Jarael that the Revanchists had almost everything they needed to win the war, and opined that he would not be complete without her, citing her combat abilities and her firsthand experience with the Mandalorians' atrocities." The "would not be complete without her" bit seems a little overly personal. Couldn't you say something like "Malak told Jarael that the Revanchists had almost everything they needed to win the war, and asked that she bring her combat abilities and firsthand experience with the Mandalorians' atrocities to their cause."
  • Vision on Cathar: "Malak reminded Jarael that Carrick and Hierogryph were not fugitives any longer and stated that the Revanchists could not afford to be involved with anyone who had a hint of controversy in their lives, as Carrick and Hierogryph had." This just doesn't seem to fit in without mentioning Jarael's reluctance to leave them. Is it even necessary? We don't need to summarize everything he says.
  • The trial of Demagol: "Malak also told the former Padawan and the Snivvian that his military forces had retaken Omonoth and salvaged the Arkanian Legacy's remains." This has already been mentioned and doesn't need to be repeated.
    • I removed it, but are you absolutely sure? Because he made it a point to tell them, going so far as to say that Vamm was "mutilated."—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:00, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
      • I've added something back in as a compromise. Shorter than it was, but still there. Green Tentacle (Talk) 15:39, November 13, 2010 (UTC)
  • The trial of Demagol: "He then left in order to prepare for his testimony against Demagol." Also doesn't seem necessary. You've already said he was meeting with them before testifying so it's rather implied.
  • The trial of Demagol: "However, the two guards in the speeder were actually Zayne Carrick and Marn Hierogryph, who had figured out that the real Demagol was impersonating Rohlan Dyre, and that the man whom Malak and the Republic believed to be Demagol was in actuality Dyre." Overly repetitious of previous bits. Could shorten to "However, the two guards in the speeder were actually Zayne Carrick and Marn Hierogryph, who had figured out that Demagol had swapped places with Dyre."
  • There will likely be more to come, but enjoyable so far. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:42, November 8, 2010 (UTC)
  • The final battles: Dorak needs linking in quote attribution as not mentioned elsewhere.
  • The Star Forge is never quite introduced in one place. First time mentions it's a Rakatan relic, next that it's fueled by the dark side and that it can make ships. I'd suggest putting that all on its first mention to clarify what it is and removing the context bits later: "The Star Map was an integral part to uncovering the long-lost location of the Star Forge, a space-based war relic of the Rakatan Infinite Empire that had ruled the galaxy approximately 20,000 standard years before which was fueled by the dark side and capable of quickly constructing starships. … He intended to use the Star Forge to accelerate the construction of his Sith armada, which would enable the Sith to defeat the Jedi and the Republic."
  • Sith apprentice: "…the Elders gave the Sith access to a temple that would aid them in reaching the Star Forge." How did it help them?
  • The search for Bastila Shan: "Soon after their arrival, Revan was retrained in the Jedi ways in the Enclave on Dantooine, and the local Jedi Council ordered Revan, Shan, and their allies to search for the Star Forge." Briefly mention why they suddenly decided to retrain Revan, ie that he was having visions of the Star Maps. Otherwise sending him to find the Star Forge seems an odd choice.
  • Revelation on the Leviathan: Karath says that Malak is in another sector when he interrogates the prisoners. This isn't mentioned in the article, giving the impression he's aboard the Leviathan from the start.
  • "When Shan, Onasi, and Revan made their way to the bridge, they were confronted by Karath. The Admiral informed the trio that Malak was on his way to the bridge and requested their surrender. When the three refused, a fight broke out, during which Karath was struck down. Before the trio could make their way to the docking bay, Malak arrived, hindering their escape." Could be shorter given it's lack of Malakness. Following on from above, I think it would be sufficient to say something like "By the time Malak arrived at the Leviathan, Shan, Onasi and Revan had already reached the bridge and disabled the tractor beam, killing Karath in the process. As the Dark Lord made his own way to the bridge, he encountered the trio on their way out."
  • "As the forces of the Republic, led by Admiral Dodonna and Jedi Master Vandar Tokare, attacked the Star Forge, Revan boarded the space station, defeating an attack force of Forge droids, and nearly all of Malak's Dark Jedi and Sith forces. He also convinced Shan to return to the light side and aid the Republic through her powers with battle meditation." This repeats a lot of what has already been said.
  • Legacy: "four separate holographic records" OOU links all. Remove, please.
  • Almost there! Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:55, November 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • I assume undoing half of my copy-edit was accidental and have reverted. If you disagree with any of it, let me know. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:08, November 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • It was, I apologize for it. See, I copy the text on Notepad, edit at home, and copy it all to the article. It was unintentional.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:00, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • Personality and traits: "However, HK-47 informed Revan that if he had known that Malak would betray his Sith Master, HK-47 would have "gladly removed his entrails" when he had first met him." This is more about HK's personality than Malak's. Is it really needed?
  • Personality and traits: "Malak died with sorrow and regret over his deeds and without hatred or malice toward Revan." This is almost the exact same wording as you used in the biography. Reword one of them, please.
  • Behind the scenes: "The entry, titled Treaty of Coruscant, is available on The Old Republic's official website." As are the others. Move to the end?
  • Behind the scenes: "John Jackson Miller stated in production notes for the thirty-first issue that Malak's immigration experience was inspired by the character Vito Corleone of The Godfather movies, who took the name of his Italian hometown when he came to America. … Miller also revealed that Alek's surname of "Squinquargesimus" was not his true name, as the surname had been assigned by Republic immigration officials." These two bits are clearly related but are separated by a bit in the middle, which rather breaks the flow.
  • Sith Magnus should be mentioned somewhere in the biography, even if we don't know what it means.
    • Any suggestions where? We don't even know when he had this title. He could have had it when he became Sith, or after betraying Revan.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:19, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
      • Alright, it's in the 1st paragraph for "Search for Bastila Shan."—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:42, November 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • Behind the scenes: "However, all other available sources list Malak as Revan's only apprentice." Silly as it may sound, this is unsourced. Stick a couple of appropriate refs in.
  • Behind the scenes: You discuss the alternative ending but don't mention how we know the light side one is correct.
  • Behind the scenes: "In a list of the 100 best Star Wars characters compiled by the website for IGN Entertainment Games…" This doesn't make sense.
  • That's all. Now somebody work on Revan! Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:49, November 10, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 10:05, December 7, 2010 (UTC)


  • Here's the first time I nommed Malak for the FAs. Changes have been made since then. Also, yes, it will be updated for new info from Timeline 9: The Mandalorian Wars, although as far as I know that is the only new source coming out featuring him. If any new sources or appearances do come out, you can be sure that I'll update the article.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 05:42, July 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • If you don't mind, while I go through I may do some rewording similar to what I did in the first few paragraphs of the intro. If it messes up your meaning or if you just don't like what I've done, feel free to revert. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 09:01, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • Alright, thanks. Not too worried about this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 09:34, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
  • If you could, I think that adding and/or moving more details to the first two or three sentences to the beginning paragraph. That way people who don't know Malak(though I don't know who wouldn't) would be able to tell who he was by reading the first two sentences. Otherwise, Great Job. You have my Support!--DARTHRAGE 22:00, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
  • Will update with info from Timeline 9 soon.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 05:38, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • Is there any reason why you removed the "meters" link in the infobox? That's the only meter there is here in Star Wars. CC7567 (talk) 08:20, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • I was under the impression that this was a matter of personal preference, whether or not to link meters. I guess it's fine.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 08:50, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • I apologize, Kasra, but I'm going to have to stop my review there for now. I'm not sure what my activity is going to be like over the next few weeks, and I want to give Cylka (who's definitely more familiar with all of the material than I am) a chance to help you polish up the article without me getting in the way. I'll continue my review from where I left off once Cylka is done with hers, though I may end up just starting from the beginning depending on how much the article changes. Hope you understand. CC7567 (talk) 06:24, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • Heya! IGN has included Malak in a couple of lists: They ranked him Premium-Era-real #28 on IGN (backup link not verified!) on their list of the greatest SW characters of all time, and Premium-Era-real #33 on IGN (backup link not verified!) on their list of the greatest video game bosses of all time. How do you feel about including this in the bts? As he's the main baddie of a super-popular video game, a paragraph about his impact on popular culture might be a good idea. If so, the sentence about the "100 greatest things about SW ever" Insider article might have a better home in it; it kinda looks out of place where it currently is. Menkooroo 16:50, September 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • I saw these, and was actually pondering this, thanks for bringing this up, Menk! I'll add these and see if anyone objects.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:52, September 10, 2010 (UTC)
  • If possible, I humbly request a traditional Inq review for this nomination. Like Tommy9281 and Jonjedigrandmaster's nom for Darth Zannah, I feel that Malak is too important of a character, and want to ensure that the article is of the highest quality possible.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:23, November 12, 2010 (UTC)