- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Dal Konur
- Nominated by: Jinzler 11:32, May 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: One of Luke's many failed students
(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:25, May 30, 2011 (UTC)- Grand Moff Tranner
(Comlink) 19:11, June 26, 2011 (UTC) 
--Eyrezer 11:55, June 30, 2011 (UTC)- Assuming Menk's objections are met. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 09:29, July 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Menkooroo 05:09, August 4, 2011 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 19:55, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
Object
Floyd:
Intro: How did Luke find out that Konur left Yavin 4? A smidgen of context please.- Done --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
In the intro and the body, you alternately capitalize and decapitalize "Praxeum". Be consistent.- Fixed --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
This article could really use a good copy-edit.- Okay, I will try to arrange for one. --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Just tell me when you get this done, then I'll strike and support. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:39, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
- I've taken care of this at Jinzler's request. Master Jonathan — Jedi Council Chambers Sunday, May 29, 2011, 19:27 UTC
- Just tell me when you get this done, then I'll strike and support. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:39, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay, I will try to arrange for one. --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
The first sentence of the "Rogue Jedi" section kind of runs on a little long, and should be broken up.- Fixed --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
For what purpose would Konur finding an Imperial-registered freighter serve? Context please.- Added --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
"The former Jedi entered combat with the agents and attacked the strongest member of their group first," And who would that be? Kanos?- This is something that is explained in the "Nightsaber possible outcomes" section. I have now revised that section slightly, to make the link more clear. --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
In the first P&T sentence, you use to word "desire" or some form of it twice. Vary up your word choice.- Fixed --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Good work. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:37, May 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Thank you for your prompt review. --Jinzler 09:18, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
Maxattac
The Jedi infobox should be changed into Dark Jedi infobox, Dal Konur having the Fallen Jedi status in the categories. What do you think about it? Maxattac 21:42, May 27, 2011 (UTC)- I have now removed the "Fallen Jedi" category. He only falls to the dark side in one specific RPG strand, so his status as a "Fallen Jedi" is dependant on RPG canon. While he does abandon the Jedi Order, the sources don't seem to suggest that he necessarily stopped being a Jedi per se. In addition, the term "Dark Jedi" is not used by any of the sources to describe him. The use of a Dark Jedi infobox could perhaps be justified, but I don't think that it is fully representative of the character and now that the categories are consistent with the infobox type, there shouldn't be an issue here. What do you think? --Jinzler 10:10, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm ok with that, sorry for the delay Maxattac 22:00, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
- I have now removed the "Fallen Jedi" category. He only falls to the dark side in one specific RPG strand, so his status as a "Fallen Jedi" is dependant on RPG canon. While he does abandon the Jedi Order, the sources don't seem to suggest that he necessarily stopped being a Jedi per se. In addition, the term "Dark Jedi" is not used by any of the sources to describe him. The use of a Dark Jedi infobox could perhaps be justified, but I don't think that it is fully representative of the character and now that the categories are consistent with the infobox type, there shouldn't be an issue here. What do you think? --Jinzler 10:10, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
Eyrezer
I would like to see you add some more context on Dal Konur's contemporaries at the Praxeum. IIRC, both Kyp Durran and Corran Horn are mentioned as being there at the time that Konur runs off. This is useful info to glean info on how early Konur may have been at the Praxeum. --Eyrezer 10:23, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Added --Jinzler 09:23, June 11, 2011 (UTC)
A redlink in the intro from me. --Eyrezer 22:35, June 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Created --Jinzler 12:33, June 29, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
"Brutt owned a number of Old Republic artifacts recovered from Mount Tantiss, a former storehouse of Palpatine, which were stored inside a warehouse located on the planet Wayland." - The wording of this sentence is a bit confusing. At first I thought the last part was a leftover from some previous version of the article, but after reading on further, I see that it is context for the artifacts. I suggest rearranging the order of the clauses to clarify.- Fixed --Jinzler 09:11, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
- That was all I could find at the moment. However, as I was a bit rushed, I'll give the article another review when I have the time. Good work so far, though. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 23:40, June 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for taking a look at the article. --Jinzler 09:11, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
Konur
The impression I'm getting from the bio is that the agents sent after Konur are player characters who may or may not be Jedi, depending on what the players choose. If that's the case, the "Jedi-allied" agents wording in the bio is good, but I feel like it should also be used in the intro and all of the quote attributions that currently explicitly say "Jedi agents." Either that or something similarly vague, such as "Jedi's agents."- Done --Jinzler 19:46, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
The leading quote for "Confrontation in Hangar Bay 631-D" indicates that the agents talk to Tomer before confronting Konur, but the bio makes no mention of this. Is it RPG-dependent, or is a quick note about it in order?- Whether the agents talk with Tomer is RPG-dependent, with the implication that the quote in question is also RPG-dependent, yet is outside of the bounds of the "RPG" template. I'm not sure if this is appropriate and possible solutions would be to either remove the quote or to move the "RPG" template to the start of the section. What do you advise? --Jinzler 19:46, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
- I think it's probably fine to leave it out. If you FAN Tomer, it might be a bit trickier, though. :P
- Whether the agents talk with Tomer is RPG-dependent, with the implication that the quote in question is also RPG-dependent, yet is outside of the bounds of the "RPG" template. I'm not sure if this is appropriate and possible solutions would be to either remove the quote or to move the "RPG" template to the start of the section. What do you advise? --Jinzler 19:46, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
Is there a Force power that could be pipelinked to "sap their will" ?- The impression I get from the source is that he was trying to sap their will in a psychological, rather than Force-based sense, although the source is admittedly a bit vague on this. --Jinzler 19:46, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
Can you use {{CSWECite}} for the "Sources" section? It's really handy to get used to. You've already used it for a citation, but be sure to remove the page number for "Sources" and just leave blank space between those two vertical lines.- Done, I will try to get into the habit of using the template in that way. --Jinzler 19:46, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
- That's all. Another interesting and well-written RPG article. Menkooroo 10:17, July 21, 2011 (UTC)
Clone quickie
"and I'll personally introduce you the the Moff Council": is the first "the" supposed to be a "to"? Please clarify.- Fixed --Jinzler 10:31, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Very nice otherwise. CC7567 (talk) 00:31, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 19:55, August 6, 2011 (UTC)