Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Cay's Dream

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Cay's Dream

  • Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:44, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: More TOTJ starships.

(4 Inqs/4 Users/8 Total)

Support

  1. And more pre-nom reviews. Kilson Likes PIE(The Bakery) 02:46, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Nice. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 16:45, April 14, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:11, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, May 25, 2011, 01:03 UTC
  5. –Tm_T (Talk) 11:40, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 18:31, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  7. GTQ(Problems?) 02:33, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:12, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

Object

MasterFred
  • Not really an objection, but more a question. You have a sentence toward the end of the first paragraph of "History" that starts with "But." I've always been taught that conjunctions cannot start sentences in proper English. idk what the rules are now, as English changes so much, but if the rule is the same, the whole last half of the paragraph may need to be rearranged to prevent a run-on sentence. Did that come out clear? :P MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 17:28, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
    • From what I can tell, there are different schools of thought regarding that. I don't think there is a set-in-stone rule about it. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:12, April 14, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • Not really an objection, I suppose, but you have some very long paragraphs. Any chance you can split these up somehow, especially for the intro?
    • Split up the intro paragraph, but left the body ones where they were.
  • "Qel-Droma began using the ship after he fell to the dark side and became the apprentice of Dark Lord of the Sith Exar Kun in 3,996 BBY; together, they waged a war against the Galactic Republic and the Jedi Order." - While I understand what you're trying to say here, the use of the semicolon and "together" makes this sentence somewhat confusing. Perhaps it would be better if a portion of this sentence was incorporated into the previous sentence.
    • How is it now?
  • "Kun fled Ossus with his ship filled with Jedi artifacts, as Ulic's horrified former lover and fellow Jedi, Nomi Sunrider, used a wall of light to strip him of his connection to the Force." - It's not very clear who is being stripped of the Force here; it might be best to split this into two sentences.
    • Addressed.
  • "Qel-Droma brought the Twi'lek Tott Doneeta, the Vultan Oss Wilum, the Tchuukthai Jedi Master Thon, Nomi Sunrider, Sunrider's daughter, Vima, and the corpse of his brother aboard, while the rest of the Jedi were rallied to battle Kun at Yavin 4." - As a result of my placement of a needed comma after "daughter," it's not exactly clear how many people were brought aboard the vessel.
    • Addressed.
  • "It has still not yet been revealed what the ship's original name was." - I was going to remove this outright as speculation (for all we know, the ship didn't have a name before Qel-Droma gave it one), but I'm curious if you included it in the BTS for a reason.
    • That was to clarify they way I referred to the ship before it was named the Cay's Dream, as I called it "the ship" a lot. If you want me to remove it, I will.
      • Actually, that makes a lot of sense. Could you add a note to that sentence to clarify why you don't refer to the ship as "Cay's Dream" until the end of the History section?
  • Possibly more to come later, but it looks good at the moment. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:35, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
Cleopatra Jones
  • You start the intro off by calling the ship "Cay's Dream" but toward the end say that Ulic renamed it Cay's Dream," leading one to believe it held another name prior to his renaming it. If so, you have to at least specify that the ship wasn't originally called Cay's Dream."
    • Is is better this way?
      • That's not quite what I meant. If you are going to lead by saying "Cay's Dream was the personal starship of Sith Lord and former Jedi Knight Ulic Qel-Droma during the Great Sith War," you can't go on to say "Qel-Droma continued to use the ship after the war, giving it the name Cay's Dream after his dead brother." The way it currently is makes it seem as though the ship was called Cay's Dream during the Great Sith War, when you later say it was so named afterward.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 23:34 UTC
        • Check it out now.
  • "In 3994 BBY, he returned to Yavin 4 in the Cay's Dream to discover what exactly had happened that fateful day; however, he found nothing." What fateful day?
    • Done.
  • " Qel-Droma brought the Twi'lek Tott Doneeta, the Vultan Oss Wilum, the Tchuukthai Jedi Master Thon, Nomi Sunrider, Sunrider's young daughter, and the corpse of his brother aboard..." I didn't know that Ulic had them all aboard Cay's Dream". Is this truly accurate?
    • I reviewed the comic again; Thon was not on board, and you can't completely say that Wilum was either. Mentions of them being on the ship have been removed.
  • "Jedi Knights Nomi Sunrider, Oss Wilum, Thon, and Tott Doneeta also served aboard the ship during the hunt for Exar Kun." Same here, is this factually correct? I could have sworn I saw Thon at the helm of his own ship.
    • See above.
  • A smidge of context if you are going to mention them. "...thousands of Massassi sacrifices..."
    • Contextifying the Massassi would veer too far off the Cay's Dream narrative. The mention of the Massassi has been removed.
  • That's all.—Tommy 9281 Saturday, May 21, 2011, 22:40 UTC
GTQ
  • Any info on the ships class?
  • Do you really need the for the purposes of this article sentence at the bottom of the behind the scenes.
  • Does it say specifically anywhere that the ships maximum capacity is 7 or is that just the most it is ever seen holding. In which case it is speculation
  • PS:I don't have any of the sources so I cannot check to see what they say GTQ(Problems?) 13:50, June 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • If I may say my opinion on these: No. Yes. I suppose as we usually do, seatcount, I don't think it is any way speculation. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 15:19, June 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • You took the words right out of my mouth, Tm_T. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 19:59, June 15, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 01:12, June 19, 2011 (UTC)