- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
CT-26-6958
- Nominated by: JangFett Talk 15:15, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: One of the clones for ProjectRookies
(6 Inqs/2 Users/8 Total)
Support
IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 21:17, September 19, 2009 (UTC)- --Kreivi Wolter 15:51, September 28, 2009 (UTC)
- Reviewed on IRC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:16, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
Objections hashed out via IRC. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:09, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
—Xwing328(Talk) 02:14, October 26, 2009 (UTC)
Objections hashed out via IRC. --Eyrezer 04:11, November 1, 2009 (UTC)
Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:25, November 1, 2009 (UTC)
Grunny (Talk) 14:34, November 1, 2009 (UTC)
Object
- IFYLOFD:
"Hevy—along with CT-26-1409, CT-27-5555, and Cutup—were present when during a surprise Confederate attack on the station." Eh? Reword.- *Blames Jonny* :D Addressed.
"Around 22 BBY, CT-26-6958 was stationed in a listening post, located on the moon of the planet Rishi." Was this the only moon of Rishi? If not, change to "a moon".- Only confirmed moon of Rishi, however, I changed it to "a moon".
Give more context on the Clone Wars.- Addressed.
" During his time in the Republic station, CT-26-6958 earned the nickname of "Hevy," due to his expertise in heavy weaponry in the base." Remove "in the base", it doesn't really fit into this sentence.- Addressed.
"As the clone raised the base's shield, Fives took the opportunity to boost Hevy's excitement. However, the rookie clone trooper commented negatively to the meteor shower." Reword. These sentences don't really make sense. Why would Fives want to boost Hevy's excitement?- That's not important, removed.
I see you only gave context to the "shinies" nickname the second time you mentioned it; contextify it the first time and not the second.- I don't recall adding it to the intro, or before the second time in the bio.
- First bio paragraph: Inside the command center of the listening post, the rookie clone troopers—nicknamed shinies—were resting, due to inactivity around the area.
- Addressed and removed.
- First bio paragraph: Inside the command center of the listening post, the rookie clone troopers—nicknamed shinies—were resting, due to inactivity around the area.
- I don't recall adding it to the intro, or before the second time in the bio.
Why would Rex want to destroy the base?- Fixed.
They opened fire on the invading battle droid forces as Rex wired three plunk droids together, but the remote activator to detonate the tibanna, wasn't working properly." Reword. Doesn't flow well.- Fixed.
- Not bad. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 23:53, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review, Floyd. :)
- A passing objection
Have you checked every single related book and source? That includes (but is not limited to) Ultimate Battles as well as Grievous Attacks and all the other young reader books that don't have articles here.CC7567 (talk) 20:08, September 15, 2009 (UTC)- Both visual guides were checked, Grievous Attacks took place around the time of LoG and I don't recall seeing Hevy in the book. After looking at this objection, I did go back and took a look at the rest of the young reader books and none have information about Rookies. I looked up if there was a young reader book for the episode, but couldn't find anything.
I haven't read it yet, but in the third sentence of the bio you have referenced Visual Guide Ultimate Battles twice in a row. Normally I'd just remove one, but I'm not certain you didn't mean one of them to be a different reference so can you check that? I'll hopefully get around to reading it in the next day or so :P. Grunny (Talk) 10:30, October 12, 2009 (UTC)- Chack Attack:
Your second paragraph in the body (I separated it from another for your convenience) is PBP, awkward, and probably unneeded.- Are you sure? I thought some of the info is needed because of Hevy, but I removed it.
"Replying that he does not" Does not what?- Addressed
The second paragraph of the intro is choppy and needs work.- Addressed; hope that's sufficient.
Try to split up that one massive paragraph in the Attack section.- Addressed
- Possibly more later. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:51, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks, Chack. :)
Very awkward transition between first and second paragraphs under biography.—Xwing328(Talk) 23:24, October 23, 2009 (UTC)- Hey, Xwing. I fixed the problem; hope this is sufficient. Thanks for the review. :) JangFett (Talk) 03:15, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Quite honestly, that "transition" makes the chronology sound extremely unspecific and undefined, which it's not. There are better and clearer solutions than this. Perhaps mention Hevy's arm-wrestling match with Cutup, but this isn't the way to go. CC7567 (talk) 06:57, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Yes. I did had the "arm wrestling" information in there; however, Chack told me to remove it. Since I don't want to ignore his once objection, I'll talk to him on IRC sometime. JangFett (Talk) 13:27, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Maybe something simple like "While Hevy was on duty in the control room, ..."? —Xwing328(Talk) 16:52, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Quite honestly, that "transition" makes the chronology sound extremely unspecific and undefined, which it's not. There are better and clearer solutions than this. Perhaps mention Hevy's arm-wrestling match with Cutup, but this isn't the way to go. CC7567 (talk) 06:57, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Hey, Xwing. I fixed the problem; hope this is sufficient. Thanks for the review. :) JangFett (Talk) 03:15, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
In the bio you don't actually mention the Clone Wars once, you only mention it in the intro. I would say it deserves a mention ;). Grunny (Talk) 05:28, November 1, 2009 (UTC)- Indeed, it does need mentioning. Addressed; thanks, Grunny. :)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 14:34, November 1, 2009 (UTC)