Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Boz (Lizling)

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Boz (Lizling)

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 23:31, May 20, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Pity Boz, for he hath lost his buddy

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 00:08, May 23, 2013 (UTC)
  2. ToRsO bOy (talk) 19:57, May 31, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:25, August 24, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 20:19, September 21, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote 1358 (Talk) 22:55, September 21, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:10, September 22, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Floyd
  • "While on the planet Rutal IV in 10 ABY, Boz learned in a bar from the former crew of the pirate Bar-Kooda, Ry-Kooda's brother, that the pirate lord had been slain." Really awkward, confusing wording here.
    • Is that any better?
  • "and he proceeded to take out the support columns of the bar, " How?
    • There.
  • "Unimpressed by Boz's attempts to act tough, the Lizling" Makes it sound like the Lizling was unimpressed by Boz.
    • There you go.
  • "fired upon Ry-Kooda with his gun" With his gun or a blaster? IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:23, May 22, 2013 (UTC)
    • Blaster it is. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 21:11, May 22, 2013 (UTC)
Cadeth
  • Your sentence structures are a little off at times; I've reworked several.
    • Do you want me to look through the article for other instances of this?
  • "With the pirates unimpressed by Boz's attempt to act tough, the Lizling was only saved after the Herglic burst from the wreckage, very much alive." You should rework this to present the fact that he was trying to act tough before you mention Ry-Kooda.
    • How's that?
  • "Still on their path of revenge against Fett and the Hutts, the group traveled to..." The group? I thought it was only two now. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 03:39, August 24, 2013 (UTC)
    • I made it a bit clearer that the pirates stuck around. Thanks for looking it over. 501st dogma(talk) 16:21, August 24, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Context needed on the Skavers of Skeebo in the intro.
    • There you go. 501st dogma(talk) 20:38, September 17, 2013 (UTC)
  • The intro does a good job of explaining whom Boz and Ry-Kooda decided to target for revenge (Fett and the Hutts). The body doesn't seem to make it clear beyond mentioning a "revenge mission." Please clarify.
    • Any better?
  • This is minor, but please note that aesthetically, citation refs should be ordered in ascending order; currently there's a [3][1] in the P&T, so please correct that.
    • Powed. 501st dogma(talk) 20:38, September 17, 2013 (UTC)
  • There were a few minor grammar errors in the intro that nevertheless made me frown—there were more careless errors than I expected, particularly for an article that's already received three reviews, two of them from Inqs. Please take some time to read through the article body and make sure it's in good shape before I look at it. Reading it out loud to yourself might help you catch some errors, if there are more. CC7567 (talk) 15:09, September 17, 2013 (UTC)
    • I looked it over, and failed to find anything, but that may be because I'm so familiar with the article, as I wrote it. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 20:46, September 17, 2013 (UTC)
  • "and engaged it": engaged it how? In starfighter combat? Please be more specific.
    • How's that?
  • "Boz's starship pursued Orko's until the Skavers accidentally shot down the latter": I slightly adjusted this during my copy-edit to its current state, but is this factually correct (i.e. did the Skavers accidentally shoot down Ry-Kooda's ship)?
    • Yes, the missile intended for the other was deflected off a piece of debris and hit Boz's.
  • "engaging the Skavers": again, engaging how?
    • I changed it to attacking. Does that work?
  • When you say "fortunate enough," I understand the use in the context of Boz and the others, but I would still ask that you reword it to avoid any problems with WP:NPOV; in my opinion it's still skirting the edge regarding POV. It also isn't immediately clear why it's "fortunate" that they came across Anachro, and while you could take some more time to explain it in the article, I'd recommend just rewording it.
    • Axed the fortune part.
  • Please continue to watch out for linking. I'm not saying that an article's linking should be perfect (which is almost never the case, and plus that's what reviewers are for), but I'd recommend seeing which links got missed and taking note of them for the future. CC7567 (talk) 03:17, September 21, 2013 (UTC)
    • I'll look out for linking more in the future. 501st dogma(talk) 13:56, September 21, 2013 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • According to dictionary.com, "strongarm" is not a noun. Please find an actual word to use in the article's mentions.
  • This mention of "the shipping registry" reads like it's begging for more information. What is "the shipping registry"? Can we clarify this at all? "Tracking the Hutts via the shipping registry to the planet Skeebo,"
    • The source briefly mentions that one of the former-pirates that were with them told Ry to check the shipping register for the whereabouts. That's all it says. :/
  • No article for Boz's ship? Or is this referring to Ry-Kooda's ship? "Boz's starship pursued Orko's" Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 03:28, September 22, 2013 (UTC)
    • It's Ry-Kooda's ship. Changed. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 20:36, September 22, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 21:10, September 22, 2013 (UTC)

  • For the barn-burner.
  • The P&T section starts with "a diminutive Lizling, [...]". This is a little ambiguous. Isn't he of normal stature for an individual of his species? I understand what you meant, but perhaps a rewrite of this sentence is in order. Stake black msg 02:32, May 30, 2013 (UTC)