Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Bhindi Drayson

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Bhindi Drayson

• Nominated by: Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 20:05, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: The Wraiths return! A much shorter and cleaner nom than Lando, I promise.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total/INQCON 5)

Support

1. CC7567 ^(talk) 22:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
2. Thefourdotelipsis 00:29, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
3. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 18:03, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
4. — Fiolli ^{{Alpheridies University ComNet}} 03:22, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
5. —Tommy9281 ^{(No quarter given, all exits sealed)} 00:41, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
6. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 12:16, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. Attack of the Clone
   • "Drayson was originally planned" is rather unclear; it's unclear about who planned what.
     • Tweaked. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Drayson's species and homeworld are currently exclusive to the intro.
     • Homeworld was original research and was removed. Species is in the infobox. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
       • Sorry, I meant that the species should also be in the body. CC7567 ^(talk) 21:24, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
         • That's not really an FAN requirement, and I can give dozens of precedents for it not being labeled as such. While some authors choose to do so, and I think it's perfectly fine for them to do so, there's no hard and fast rule about that. For this article, I think it's rather pointless to do so. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:50, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
           • I'll strike it then; sorry, I didn't really realize that. CC7567 ^(talk) 22:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Wedge Antilles' affiliation is somewhat unclear.
     • Tweaked. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "One piece of equipment that Drayson brought on the mission was a number of surveillance droids disguised as fungi to collect and transmit data from Coruscant discreetly." "One piece" is singular, and yet "surveillance droids" is plural. Also, did "discreetly" apply to "collect", "transmit" or both?
     • Fixed. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "they were not immediately recognized as not being Yuuzhan Vong": rather awkward phrasing.
     • Tweaked. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Bit unclear what "escaped cleanly" means.
     • Clarified. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "They made contact, meeting a group of people called the Walkway Collective and their leader, Tenga Javik." A bit choppy, especially since it was stated in the last sentence that they already planned to make contact.
     • Tweaked. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "Drayson produced results, reassembling one of the destroyed medical droids": a bit unclear; the results themselves resembled destroyed medical droids, but it's unclear as to what the results were. Were they holograms?
     • Tweaked. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "The Jedi were ultimately able to defeat Nyax, and met up with the Wraiths, before Loran and Skywalker flew Ugly Truth back to Borleias, where they rejoined the defense of the besieged garrison, which was ultimately abandoned by the New Republic after significant damage was inflicted to the Yuuzhan Vong attackers." Bit of a run-on; please check.
     • Fixed up. Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • CC7567 ^(talk) 08:44, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
2. Unsourced infobox items. Graestan^(Talk) 23:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Epic fail on my part. Fixed. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
3. A mention in the bio of what her father (and, probably, her mother) did for a living would be nice, since it ties into Bhindi's eventual career path. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 18:11, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Good idea. Tweaked. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 15:29, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
4. I think you could stand to section off a part of the bio somewhere. You wouldn't get away with a chunk that big in a larger article. :P Thefourdotelipsis 01:55, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Added two sections. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 16:22, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 12:16, 11 June 2009 (UTC)