Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Battle of Ryloth (Clone Wars)

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Ryloth (Clone Wars)

Nominated by: Dark Lord Trayus and CC7567 ^talk 05:18, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
Nomination comments: Both of our first nominations for FA. Wish us luck!

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

Looks good Kilson Likes PIE 17:36, 21 March 09 (UTC)
"And that's the double truth, Ruth!" Thefourdotelipsis 08:00, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
Chack Jadson^(Talk) 23:56, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 23:07, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
Lucius malfoy7 21:51, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
Graestan^(Talk) 17:01, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
-- Darth Culator ^(Talk) 23:27, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Object

Baby slithers with Lucius
- Here is my review for the intro and prelude. Once these are addressed, I'll come back for another review,
- ~~The Clone Wars doesn't need that much context in the intro.~~
  - I believe it does; all it says is that was a conflict between the Republic and the Confederacy. I don't believe that's too much. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:10, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
    - Regarding the Clone Wars, to 99% of the people reading will know what they are. If not, they can click on the link and in the first sentence it'll tell them. That's why I disagree with large amounts of context: a title or an affiliation is fine for a person, organisation, vehichle, etc., but when your describing a war that takes up a huge chunk of the Star Wars timeline... A little much. —Lucius malfoy7 ^{(Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!)} 20:13, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
      - It's not our place to assume what Star Wars fans should know. The Clone Wars only take up three years of history, in comparison to other wars that last much longer. And they still need context. Please reconsider. CC7567 ^(talk) 20:42, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
        In that case, I concede. —Lucius malfoy7 ^{(Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!)} 20:55, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
- Jedi Masters Mace Windu and Obi-Wan Kenobi, along with Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and Padawan Ahsoka Tano, were dispatched by the Jedi Council, along with a contingent of the Grand Army of the Republic, to liberate the planet. Needs rewording (without two along withs) or it should be treated as a run-on.
  - Addressed. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:10, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
    - Still rather run-on. —Lucius malfoy7 ^{(Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!)} 20:13, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
      - Addressed. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:55, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
- ~~In the intro, expand a little more on the three Republic victories.~~
  - Addressed. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:10, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
- ~~Again, the Clone Wars doesn't need that much context in the prelude.~~
  - I have to disagree; removing any more of it would remove the context altogether. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:10, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
    - See above.
      - See above as well. CC7567 ^(talk) 20:42, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
- The Jedi Council devised a plan to invade and liberate Ryloth, with Jedi General Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan, Commander Ahsoka Tano, to breach the Confederacy blockade surrounding the planet, in order to allow Jedi Generals Mace Windu and Obi-Wan Kenobi to land with the invasion force, consisting of several units of the Republic's clone army manufactured for the Clone Wars, the Grand Army of the Republic. A run-on sentence.
  - Addressed. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:10, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
- —Lucius malfoy7 ^{(Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!)} 22:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
Four Dot:
- ~~"...and remained by Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's side during the conflict." - What is the significance of this? Please elaborate or truncate.~~
  - It's outta there. Unless you have any ideas on how to extrapolate, we don't need it.Darth Trayus ^{(Trayus Academy)} 04:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
- ~~"leaving the droids in charge of the remaining fleet." - Which droids? The tactical droids?~~
  - specified.Darth Trayus ^{(Trayus Academy)} 04:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
- "During a conference with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, Senator Orn Free Taa, Grand Master Yoda, Admiral Yularen, and General Skywalker, the Jedi Knight reported that the space around Ryloth was secure." - Since Jedi Knight is a kind of umbrella term, and there are several Jedi involved here, you should probably specify who is making the statement.
  - specified. Darth Trayus ^{(Trayus Academy)} 04:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
- "Soon after the battle had ended, Senator Taa, Syndulla, Windu and Commander Ponds watched a parade of the clone forces and the Twi'lek people." - This feels more like commentary of the episode. You should instead state that the Twi'lek people held a parade that was attended by Taa, Windu, etc.
  - Fixed up. Darth Trayus ^{(Trayus Academy)} 04:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
- Otherwise, solid work. I quite enjoyed it. Thefourdotelipsis 01:30, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
  - Thank you on behalf of myself and CC7567. Darth Trayus ^{(Trayus Academy)} 04:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Seriously? Still nothing? haha Dark Lord Trayus 08:56, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
Any civilian casualties? We have a |civilian=field if so... --Eyrezer 09:09, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
- The only civilian casualties i can remember from the show are the village bombings. Were there any others? Dark Lord Trayus 19:00, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
  - I don't think there were any others. —CC7567 ^talk 20:30, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 23:27, 10 May 2009 (UTC)