- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.
Battle of Lola Sayu
- Nominated by: DjMack 03:06, August 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: It'd be my first FA, I did my best to adhere to the guidelines.
(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
Object
The clone
- Still lacks a complete source list, which per FAN Rule 3 must be included. In addition, there is a rather noticeable lack of sourcing in several areas. Besides an adherence to all article policies on Wookieepedia, you need to make sure that it follows all of the FAN rules. CC7567 (talk) 03:24, August 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Added as many as I could find. DjMack 20:51, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
Jangston of Jangeth Manor prelims
Please reload the infobox. If you're not sure what this means, it means that you have to replace the entire infobox that's currently in the article with a fresh infobox from this page. In this case, the battle infobox needs to be reimplemented back into the article with all parameters.After you reload the infobox, check your sourcing. I inserted several {{fact}} tags in the infobox alone.If this is truly a battle, you need to elaborate more in your infobox's outcome. Saying "after rescuing vital personnel" is not very clear nor does it show that that either side where there for a purpose.- I still believe you could expand this to include important events of the battle, such as they rescued Even Piell, although his retcon death later occurred.
- Fixed DjMack 20:41, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
- I still believe you could expand this to include important events of the battle, such as they rescued Even Piell, although his retcon death later occurred.
IIRC, this "battle" did not take place on Lolya Sayu in general, but rather in that Citadel place. The infobox's location needs to reflect on this.- Please begin the introduction with A battle as supposed to This.
- Still remains
- Fixed DjMack 20:41, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Still remains
You have waay too many subsections within subsections within sections that makes the article itself look choppy. Please remove a good amount of the subsections in the article and only focus on general main events that occurred. From what I see, you don't need any subsectioning in the prelude, and the battle section itself doesn't need multiple subsections. Ideally, from the amount of info you have, and this battle is a minor one, you don't need more than two-three in the battle section.Each subsection under the battle section should have a quote, and check for the other sections as well.- Still remains
- Fixed DjMack 20:41, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Still remains
You need to properly give out air dates for those episodes that featured this battle, as well as source it to the episode guide, and not that single commentary.- Still remains
- Fixed DjMack 20:36, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Still remains
As it part of the overall battle, and it does introduce a continuity error, please elaborate more on the Shipyards of Doom/Citadel discrepancy in the bts.I forgot to mention this as well, but Even Piell's retcon death was an event that took place as a result from the battle. Mentioning this can help the bts as well. I recommend you had a discrepancy subsection of the bts and placing these continuity errors within it. Unless someone suggests this, I don't think that clone numbers is relevant to the overall battle, but rather an episodic error which should be in the episode article instead. It's not mentioned in this article, but just a quick heads up since it's a noticeable issue in these episodes.- Added. DjMack 20:46, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
Unless you could give me a reason why saying "The episode introduced the character Captain Tarkin, another holdover from the original trilogy, to The Clone Wars" or even mention Tarkin in the bts, I see it as redundant trivial information as it stands. That paragraph merely reflects on the character's introduction into TCW, albeit really it's not that the character itself is rare in canon. I see this paragraph fitting more into Wilhuff's article than this battle article.- That's it for now. I'll give the intro a review possibly before going into the body itself, or I might just do both if time permits. Before I do, however, please thoroughly check to see your grammar, linking, and the information/sourcing in general. From what I can tell, your formatting needs more work. JangFett (Talk) 03:42, August 28, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll begin with the intro for now: However, please take a look at the other sections before I get to them. Due to the article's size, I am going to give each section a copy-edit one at a time, starting with the intro.
- See what you can do to lessen the detail in the intro. "Landing on a pad near the Citadel, the group—supplemented by Ahsoka Tano, who had stowed aboard without permission—proceeded to free-climb a cliff protected by electro-mines. However, their attempt to sneak in undetected failed when a clone trooper was killed by a mine, alerting the facility to their presence. The prison's commandant, Osi Sobeck, activated turrets and electric walls to stop the intruders, but the rescue team succeeded in saving Piell from torture and free his fleet officers as well." We don't need to know every single thing that occurred in the battle in the intro, but mostly important main points. Not only does it go for the sentence I quoted above but the rest. I'll continue on with the prelude once this is taken care of. JangFett (Talk) 21:07, October 4, 2011 (UTC)
Comments
Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)
Failure to address at least one objection for three weeks. CC7567 (talk) 05:36, September 23, 2011 (UTC)- I told him to e-mail me so that I could help him out with the UK mags. He never e-mailed me... :( Menkooroo 04:41, October 9, 2011 (UTC)
- IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:07, October 11, 2011 (UTC)
Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 17:55, October 12, 2011 (UTC)- I suppose. 1358 (Talk) 13:20, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
