Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Battle of Khorm/Legends

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Khorm

Nominated by: QuiGonJinn ^(Talk) 19:04, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
Nomination comments: This one has been sitting on my back for a very long time, but finally it's done. The longest TCW comic battle article (and my own FAN) so far.

(5 Inqs/4 Users/9 Total)

Support

--ARC-Captain Fordo 21:23, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
Kreivi Wolter 11:16, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
Okay, but I believe Wolffe is important enough. --Clone Commander Lee ^Talk 19:22, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
CC7567 ^(talk) 22:32, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
-- 1358 ^(Talk) 05:30, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 12:28, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 19:21, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
Jonjedigrandmaster ^{(We seed the stars)} 21:46, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
Very nice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:56, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object

(Belated) Attack of the Clone
- "Asajj Ventress tracked and ambushed the remaining two Jedi and their team but did not kill them, as she was recalled back to the processing facility; Ozzel and the clones had escaped." Can you smooth this out somehow? It's rather unclear why the two clauses are linked together.
  - Addressed.
- ~~"Adaroo promised his new allies to show a weakness in Gout's lines": please check this; it's not very clear.~~
  - Addressed. QuiGonJinn ^(Talk) 21:40, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
    - I was referring to the "to show", which ends abruptly without a direct object—"show" is a transitive verb. Who or what did Adaroo show the weakness to? CC7567 ^(talk) 05:02, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Fairly good so far. Will continue with "Turning the tide" soon. CC7567 ^(talk) 08:26, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
- ~~"Koon decided to liberate them before attacking and ordered to contact Ozzel and tell him to delay his assault": again, same verb problem. Who did Koon order?~~
- If you use a character's full name once when you first mention him/her, chances are that you won't have to use the full name again. I've corrected all instances, but I'm not sure why this inconsistency is suddenly popping up, as I've never noticed it in your writing. Please take note of this.
- ~~Can you please lessen the excessive usages of "plan" throughout the article?~~
- I'll try to make sure to go over the article with you once more after these have been fixed, but please be careful when proofreading. Just about all of the things I corrected in my copy-edit were related to grammar, which I know you can do better on. CC7567 ^(talk) 05:02, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
  - All have been addressed, I believe. QuiGonJinn ^(Talk) 16:31, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
Lee's comment
- ~~Wollfe should be in the notable participants part.~~
  - I thought about including him there, actually, but then I decided against it as the Republic section was already overcrowded compared with the CIS. I can still add him, but I don't think it's that necessary. QuiGonJinn ^(Talk) 16:31, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
- That's all. Good work. --Clone Commander Lee ^Talk 18:35, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
Attack II
- "Discovering this, the Jedi decided to free the hostages before initiating a full-scale attack, but Ozzel had already launched an assault by that time." The chronology here is rather confusing and dizzying; please smooth it out.
  - Try this.
- "As the few remaining troops became surrounded by the droids, Major Ozzel panicked and told Wolffe to signal the Separatists of the Republic's surrender." So did they surrender? How is this relevant? What did Wolffe or Ozzel do? With its current wording, it seems like extraneous and irrelevant information.
  - Addressed.
- ~~"The two Jedi Masters faced off against Ventress and offered her to surrender": very awkward phrasing and grammar.~~
  - Addressed.
- ~~"Accompanied by her droid commandos, Ventress initiated a search for any survivors and killed those that she found." Specifically survivors of the avalanche? Please clarify.~~
  - Addressed.
- ~~"Ozzel's decisions turned out for worse for the Republic": rather awkward wording that doesn't really adhere to any common expressions. Please try to reword.~~
  - Addressed.
- ~~Please decide on the tense in the Bts and use it; the shift isn't working out very well.~~ CC7567 ^(talk) 04:18, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
  - Addressed. QuiGonJinn ^(Talk) 20:22, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa:
- ~~Any reason you bold the names of the battle's participants in that section? Because that's probably not necessary.~~ Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:57, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
  - Since this is the first time that I write the "Participants" section, I've just modeled it after the Battle of Brentaal, which is an FA. If it is not necessary to bold the names in that section, that's fine with me, but in this case I believe that the names in other article should be un-bolded as well, for consistency's sake. QuiGonJinn ^(Talk) 19:12, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
    - I agree that consistency is important. For the time being and for the sake of expediency, I've removed the bolding in this article for now. I'm sure Cav, who wrote that other article, would be willing to similarly remove the bolding. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:42, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
- The article mentions here that a "cruiser" is destroyed by the cannon. Is this intended to refer to one of the Venators? If so, please specify: "The artillery shot down half of the attacking Republic force, including a cruiser."
  - Addressed.
- Not an objection, but I've formatted the images in the Participants section to more closely resemble Battle of Brentaal, so that the images are thumbnails, are aligned right, and to remove some of the unnecessary "clear" white space. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:42, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
  - That's OK. And thanks for the review. QuiGonJinn ^(Talk) 17:48, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
    - Good work on the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:56, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:56, May 4, 2010 (UTC)