Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Arwen Cohl

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Arwen Cohl

  • Nominated by: Chack Jadson (Talk) 17:26, June 3, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Daughter of Elrond!

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Tweaked a couple of things, feel free to retweak them, they were just too minor to object about. Good work. Thefourdotelipsis 00:37, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Clone Commander Lee Talk 15:08, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
  3. FWIW, I found "stating that it would pay big" to be a tiny bit colloquial, but it's too stylistic a wording to really be an objection. Nicely done. NAYAYEN:TALK 15:54, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Imperialles 15:46, June 6, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote --Eyrezer 09:07, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:53, June 19, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Clean and very well written. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:06, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Lee attacks LotR
L'Imperialles
  • In the employ of the Nebula Front: "when suddenly the Trade Federation ship Acquisitor arrived" Suddenly seems a bit misplaced here. You have already hinted at Dofine asking for reinforcements in the above paragraph, so in terms of the narrative of the article, it's not really sudden. Consider removing, or rewording to "responding to Dofine's distress call" or something.
  • One final mission: The last paragraph is a bit too play-by-play, cut it down a bit.
    • Removed a few words. Is there one specific part that you feel is PBP there, because I feel that all info included is necessary, and I'm not sure of another way to present it. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:31, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
      • This bit in particular irks me: "Cohl had, he claimed, been careless, allowing the Jedi to follow his trail. Furious, he stated that the plan had almost failed because of Cohl's incompetence" Could you not condense this into a single sentence? You're essentially stating Havac's disapproval of Cohl's actions twice, by going into detail on the conversation. --Imperialles 07:07, June 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • P&T: "Cohl had no qualms about helping plan the assassination of Supreme Chancellor Valorum." This sort of contradicts the following sentence in the One final mission section: "Though Cohl believed that the fallout from such a move would be huge, he accepted the mission when Havac promised that the backlash would fall on the Nebula Front." If he only accepted the mission after being assured the Front would be blamed, he definitely had qualms. I'm only basing this on the information presented in the article, though—I haven't read the novel itself. It seems contradictory to me, at least. Any way to reword?
    • Tried to rework. If you still don't like, I've got another idea as to how I can rephrase it. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:31, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
      • No, that works. --Imperialles 07:07, June 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • Good stuff overall. I slightly tweaked a few sentences, but feel free to revert if you disagree. --Imperialles 19:03, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
Green Tentacle
  • "Havac led Cohl, Rella and Boiny to a private room in the warehouse…" What warehouse? Something like "a nearby warehouse" would probably introduce it better if that fits the story. Green Tentacle (Talk) 12:15, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 20:06, June 19, 2010 (UTC)