Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Aing-Tii/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Aing-Tii

(5 Inqs/3 Users/8 Total)

Support

  1. Interesting fellows. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:04, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
  2. Certainly. Chack Jadson (Talk) 02:15, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
  3. Aing Tiis article nice? Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:50, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 03:13, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 01:22, 1 March 2008 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote - breathesgelatinTalk 22:44, 1 March 2008 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote They had the rainbow connection. Graestan(Talk) 22:43, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:05, 7 March 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
    • "Around the same time, a Bith trader named Maddie Macatten put great effort into tracking down the Aing-Tii and discovering their homeworld. The monks had previously freed her from slavers and she wished to find them and thank her rescuers face to face. Macatten actually unearthed a large amount of information on the monks, though most of it was lost amongst her senile rambling. The Aing-Tii made a enemy during this period, also." This is confusing. Why was she senile? Old age? Did they do anything to her, etc.?
    • Also, you say that they sent Car'das to Exocron twice in "History". Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:06, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
  2. Toprawa:
    • Since SW primarily uses the metric system, please reword appropriately: "that extended around a foot from their mouths."
      • Addressed.
    • Please elaborate on what it is: "They saw it as sacred"
      • Addressed.
    • The use of parenthetical text here is unnecessary. Please work it into the article: "(who they initially little no knowledge of)"
      • Addressed.
    • This makes it seem as if only the Jedi believed in both sides of the Force. Please rephrase: "Unlike the Jedi, the warrior monks did not believe in the light or dark sides of the Force"
      • Addresed.
    • This seems unnecessary to say for reasons unknown. Just say they disliked it: "For reasons unknown, the Aing-Tii held a deep hatred for slavery,"
      • Addressed.
    • This is an inappropriate description. To describe something as a "tattoo" is to refer to a design found exclusively on one's skin.: "with numerous tattoos painted on the hull of each ship"
      • Addressed.
    • This reads strange: "would alter the pursuer's perception of time, allowing the Aing-Tii plenty of time"
    • Elaborate on what this is. What is a symbolic connection? "have a sort of symbolic connection with the ships they served on"
      • Whoops, that was a mistype. It's been addressed, this time. Promise I wasn't being sly. :P
    • This sentence loses its meaning without some kind of explanation previously in the article of what the Kathol Rift is: " that allowed them to travel through the Kathol Rift unhindered."
      • Addressed.
    • See if you can't discern whether this an Imp-I or Imp-II SD: "who engaged an Imperial Star Destroyer"
      • The Kathol Outback just describes it as a Star Destroyer. It was only shoved into the adventure at the last minute so there's no real info on it.
    • Very speculative information. Please trim it down to the bare essentials: "The ultimate outcome of this encounter was unknown, though over thirty years later, the Aing-Tii were still seeking an answer from "Those Who Dwell Beyond the Veil," so they may have lost the Codex to the FarStar's crew."
      • Fixed.
    • Along with the previous objection, this clause seems unnecessary. You shouldn't have to include this kind of speculation in your writing. Simply by saying that the details of the ship's destruction remained hazy should prompt the reader to form his own speculative opinion on what happened: "They could also have destroyed the FarStar in retaliation at some point,"
      • Fixed.
    • Please reword. "Unearthed" just comes off as awkward. ;): "Macatten actually unearthed a large amount of information on the monks"
      • Addressed.
    • Two things here. Please explain what a Rei'Kas is; and, if you're referring to them in their plural form, the use of apostrophe is in incorrect: "attacked a fleet of Rodian slaver Rei'Kas's"
      • Rei'Kas is singular, though that sentence was quite confusing. I've clarified it some.
    • I've slightly reworded this, but please specify what level of Jedi he was at this time: "After the end of the Yuuzhan Vong War in 29 ABY, the Jedi Jacen Solo"
      • Done.
    • Nice job. More non-character noms, please. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:33, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
      • I'll see what I can do ;). I will sort these when I have more time, probably the week-end. Thanks, -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
  3. Breathesgelatin:
    • "The Aing-Tii also believed that, while all was not predetermined, it was somehow guided by the Force." What is "it"? Cosmology? The fate of the universe?
      • Zahn does not specify.
        • You still need to clarify the sentence because someone reading the sentence is going to be confused. You can't just introduce "it" without an antecedent. Period.
    • "acheive a transcension of time itself" = transcend time itself. Not as passive and also makes more sense. Also achieve is spelled wrong.
      • Addressed.
    • "By allowing their sense of detachment to fade, and allowing their emotional self to return, however, the practioner could impose themselves upon the passage of time and begin to influence and change events" Noun-verb disagreement. Either use "one's sense of detachment" or switch to "practitionerS". Also fix spelling of practitioner.
      • Addressed.
        • Not addressed. You're still switching back and forth between a plural and singular subject in the sentence. Practitioner is also STILL misspelled. "By allowing their sense of detachment to fade, and allowing their emotional self to return, however, the practioner could impose themselves upon the passage of time and begin to influence and change events." It should be "By allowing their senses of detachment to fade, and allowing their emotional selves to return, however, practitioners could impose themselves upon the passage of time and begin to influence and change events" OR "By allowing one's sense of detachment to fade, and allowing one's emotional self to return, however, the practitioner could impose himself upon the passage of time and begin to influence and change events."
    • "The Aing-Tii developed a method of moving from one destination to another, which was barely comprehensible to anyone but the monks, combining the Force with their unique technology to instantaneously move their ship from one place to the next." This sentence is extremely confusing. I think it should be split into two sentences. I'm unclear how the Force would be "combined" with technology. Maybe a different verb there would clear up the issue. Especially since you use "combine" in the next sentence as well.
      • I've used different wording and split up the sentences, but clarification is difficult as the sources are quite vague about it all.
    • "They saw the Codex as sacred, and their culture dictated that an Aing-Tii could not physically touch the pyramidal construct, which could enhance one's ability to use the Force." Minor clarification here. Is the Codex defined as a "pyramidal construct" or is the "pyramidal construct" just a part or aspect of the Codex? This is needed to understand what's going on here.
      • Added description when Codex is first mentioned.
    • "The Aing-Tii had a limited knowledge of the Human psyche, so Makezh suffered from a state of mild insanity." Again, the meaning of the sentence is unclear. Do you mean that they just didn't realize he was crazy? Or their lack of knowledge about the Human psyche led to him becoming crazy?
      • Clarified some.
    • "into their ships to study" I think the proper preposition is "onto". yes/no? I could be wrong on that one...
      • I think you're correct.
    • "Macatten actually discovered a large amount of accurate information on the monks, though most of it was lost amongst her senile rambling" Amongst is generally poor usage, and I think that in this instance it's not even used correctly. Find another word. - breathesgelatinTalk 02:40, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
      • All addressed, where possible. The source material is very vague about the Aing-Tii, so clarification is difficult in many cases. Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:17, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
  4. From uh, guess I'm Imp today…
  5. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Is that physical description quote IU? Because if it's not, it's gotta go.
      • I'm not sure if it's IU or OOU, but I've removed it.
    • "The Aing-Tii did not communicate through speech and were incapable of producing sound. Instead, they communicated through tasting, smelling and touching each other with their long tongues. " This sentence just doesn't fit where it currently is.
      • Moved it up some.
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:46, 6 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved by Inquisitorius 19:13, 7 March 2008 (UTC)

  • I've not done a non-character article in a while, so I may be a bit rusty. Additionally, I'm supposed to be on a WookieeVacation, so I might not be very quick in addressing any problems. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:04, 17 February 2008 (UTC)