Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Adnerem

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Adnerem

  • Nominated by:Ayrehead02
  • Nomination comments:My first featured article nomination so get ready to criticize folks!

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Provided that all of SavageBob's thorough objections will be answered—and I have no doubt they will. --LelalMekha (talk) 13:39, February 1, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Proud to support, Ayrehead. Welcome to the ranks of the FAN. :) ~SavageBOB sig 18:05, February 2, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:10, February 11, 2013 (UTC)
  4. --Eyrezer (talk) 15:44, February 28, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 20:59, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:27, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
  7. Did a quick copy-edit, looks good to me. Trak Nar Ramble on 07:57, April 15, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Savaged…
  • As a preliminary objection, the "Behind the scenes" section should detail the development of the species from concept art for ROTJ. As I recall, the Adnerem are based on early concept drawings for Bib Fortuna drawn by Nilo Rodis-Jamero. So you'll need to consult the "behind the scenes" stuff listed for ROTJ in this list. I can help check some of them for you if you don't have them, but dig around as much as you can. :)
    • I've added a sentence but will continue researching it and find a source. Now I think about it they might appear in Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas although I don't have the means to check at the moment. Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
      • I've still not been able to find a source for the concept art of Bib Fortuna but I've managed to get hold of Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas and added a bit of information about the use of the same image in it. Would I need to add more information about the contents of the letter since they aren't necessarily Adnerem?Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:44, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
        • I'd say no; that's fodder for the article on the criminal that image has come to represent. However, you should still add more information (and source it) about their origin in concept art. If you don't have access to sources like The Art of Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, I'll be able to check, but it will be a few more days before I have time, unfortunately. ~SavageBOB sig 16:09, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
          • Yer I'm still looking for info on the image source and will keep trying but if you could find anything it'd be really useful thanks for the help Ayrehead02 (talk) 17:15, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
            • No worries. I checked through all the likely places, and the only one that has the image is The Art of Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (p. 17). It's just the same concept image that appears in Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas. The caption simply states that it's a Bib Fortuna concept design, and that it was drawn by Nilo Rodis-Jamero. Cite that fact to this book, and we're good to go. ~SavageBOB sig 13:18, January 25, 2013 (UTC)
              • Ok added it in thanks for looking it up :) Ayrehead02 (talk) 12:15, January 26, 2013 (UTC)
  • Also, No Disintegrations is a book of adventures, so the specific adventure in which they appear should be called out using the WEG template and placed under "Appearances" rather than "Sources." More later! ~SavageBOB sig 19:39, January 19, 2013 (UTC)
    • Estero is only mentioned in one of the additional bounty entries at the end of No Disintegrations not in any of the actual adventures as far as I can find. Does this still need included using the WEG template and put under appearances or can it be left as it is? I wasn't sure when writing the article. Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
      • Ah, OK. In that case, the book does indeed count as a Source. Note, though: We only use the WEG template for Appearances, not for Sources. Don't ask me why... ~SavageBOB sig 12:29, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
        • All WEG templates removed Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:53, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • More! In the intro, you write "scavenger/hunter," but in the body, you write "scavenger-hunter." Either should be OK, but I'd be consistent.
    • Kept it consistent to the source with scavenger/hunter Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • You can probably go into a bit more detail about their appearance: humanoid posture (including two legs), a nose, a mouth, wrinkly skin.
    • Done although I might try and rearrange the sentence later it doesn't seem quite right Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
      • Yeah, it's better, but I think you're jamming too much information into one sentence. Try to break it up, and I think you'll be fine. ~SavageBOB sig 12:29, January 24, 2013 (UTC)ter Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:53, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
        • Rearranged the sentence so it sounds a bit better Ayrehead02 (talk) 17:15, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • Do we have any idea why their tribes traditionally consist of 64 adults when none of them seems to have ever exceeded 20?
    • Wrote the sentence in the wrong place, it was the modern steri that commonly had 64 not the family units of the original ancestors. Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • They apparently have two sexes, so this should be mentioned in the "Biology and appearance" section.
    • Added with the further features Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • There some historical stuff listed in the Biology and Society sections that should be repeated in some form in History: they evolved on Adner, they used to live in tribes, etc.
    • Think I added everything relevant Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • Check the Essential Atlas for any maps that show their homeworld or the region of space it's located in. You should be able to glean some circumstantial history from that, like what territories of the galaxy they were in at what times.
    • Added what I can make out from the maps since Adner isn't mentioned anywhere. Will I need more information on Darth Krayt's Galactic Empire? Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
      • You should be able to glean a bit more than that. We know that Adner is located at N-16, in the Yataga sector of the Expansion Region, per the Atlas Appendix (available online). That means it's in the extreme, upper-left quadrant of N-16, per the Expansion Region sector map, also available as part of the Atlas Appendix material. So, off to the Atlas, we see that that region was first explored by outsiders at some point between 20,000 and 5,500 BBY (p. 120). Since its in a bordr zone, and no map explicitly shows its position, we can't surmise more than that, but it's something. :) (Also a note: be sure to let each nominator strike her or his comments personally; I'll revisit this nom soon and strike what you've done.) ~SavageBOB sig 12:24, January 23, 2013 (UTC)
        • Looking at the Expansion Region system map on the Online companion the Yataga system seems to be directly in between the planets Woostri and Pax both of which are marked on the map on page 120 of the atlas and are both in the green region. I reckon if I footnote it this is valid enough to say it was explored between 8000 BBY and 5500 BBY isn't it? Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:57, January 23, 2013 (UTC)
          • I'd say so, yes. ~SavageBOB sig 12:29, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
            • Ok I've added it in. I think thats everything you can tell from the Atlas Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:53, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • Actually, almost everything in "History" (past the second sentence) sounds more like "Society and culture" info to me and should probably be moved there.
  • Context needed on Jabba.
  • Context on Airen Cracken.
    • I've added a sentence but am not sure where to source it to? Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
      • Doesn't Cracken's Rebel Field Guide mention the fact that he's a New Republic general? Also note, with context objections to FA nominations, often all that is needed is a word or two: "the crime lord Jabba the Hutt"; "the New Republic general Airen Cracken"... I think it's fine the way you have it, but just for future reference. :) ~SavageBOB sig 12:29, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
        • Sourced it and removed a bit of the information Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:53, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • Mention that Mike Vilardi drew the Adnerem in GG11?
  • Mention who wrote the "Alien Encounters" article that expanded their backstory?
    • Added along with the other authors that contributed to the species Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • Based on their various illustrations, you can give a bit of information about how they dressed in the "Society and culture" section.
    • Added a short description which is pretty vague as four images isn't much to go off Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • Also mention who illustrated them in that article? This all. Nicely done, sir. ~SavageBOB sig 15:51, January 21, 2013 (UTC)
    • Scott Neely has been given his credit. For the Alien Encounters book though I've put Joe Bavitz as the illustrator as he is credited as the books graphic artist although I can't find anything verifying he defiantly drew this image. While looking I did however discover the appendix of the book which I somehow missed before which revealed the Adnerem are mammals! Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:05, January 22, 2013 (UTC)
      • Hmm. Not sure about that. the person credited as graphic artist in the WEG stuff is (I think) the person who did the book layout, not the interior illustrations. I'll check my copy of that article later, but they usually gave credit in the article itself, I think. ~SavageBOB sig 12:29, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
        • OK, I just checked the book Alien Encounters. There are seven different artists credited with the interior art, but none of them gets individual credit within the book for any particular illustration. Thus we can't really tell who drew the Adnerem there. It's probably best not to mention the artist in this case. ~SavageBOB sig 13:11, January 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • You should add "Mammal" to the "distinctions" field of the infobox, now that we know they belong to that category. ~SavageBOB sig 12:29, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
    • Done Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:53, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
      • Bah, I said "distinctions" but I meant "class." Sorry for the confusion. ~SavageBOB sig 16:09, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • One last thing: the lead seems a bit anemic. I'd say it should be beefed up by 2 or 3 more sentences to be in proportion to the length of the article. ~SavageBOB sig 13:11, January 28, 2013 (UTC)
    • Added a bit about Adnerem off world and Etsero is this enough? Ayrehead02 (talk) 16:02, January 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • Final push: Does the OS say that Humans specifically mistook their echo chambers for tumors, or is it non-Adnerem in general?
    • It says Humans specifically often mistake them for tumour Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:47, January 29, 2013 (UTC)
  • The first sentence of "History" now needs to be sourced.
  • Is steri supposed to be capitalized on all uses or not? It's currently inconsistent.
    • Made it consistently non-capitalised Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:47, January 29, 2013 (UTC)
  • Are we sure the entire sector fell to the Seps and then the Imps? Or jut the portion that Adner falls into?
    • Yup I checked each map and looked in Essential Guide to Warfare as well, which gave a reference for it being in Imperial space, and The area the entire Yataga sector looks like its in Sep and Imp space based on it's place between Woostri, Pax and Kira Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:47, January 29, 2013 (UTC)
  • Can you provide a date for the Battle of Carkoon, sourced (probably) to the New Essential Chronology?
    • Added with source although the Battle of Carkoon page sources it to Ep. VI itself Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:47, January 29, 2013 (UTC)
      • Hang on actually the Essential chronology and the New essential chronology place the battle in 4 ABY but the Wookieepedia page says 3 ABY. The reasoning is given in the footnotes but I can't say I really understand it. Should I just stick to the official sources? Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:20, February 1, 2013 (UTC)
        • Hmm. I have no idea. I'd be inclined to go with the official, later-printed sources. The Adventure Journal is quite old, and the New Essential Chronology postdates it by quite a bit. If someone wants to insist on the 3 ABY date, they may do so, but that person ain't me. :) ~SavageBOB sig 16:06, February 2, 2013 (UTC)
          • Ok I'll leave it as the official 4 ABY which is referenced to the chronology Ayrehead02 (talk) 17:40, February 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • You say Cracken is an Alliance general, but at this point, it should be the New Republic. Can you find a source that establishes he was a general at the time Wanted by Cracken takes place? I assume the book says this itself, but the article is claiming it was the Alliance to Restore the Republic.
    • It does indeed say in Wanted by Cracken does that hes a New Republic general.
  • Can you add a few words of context on the Bithaevrian Order? What kind of organization is it?
    • Added a sentence on them Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:47, January 29, 2013 (UTC)
  • Can you rearrange some of the elements of the final paragraph of "Behind the scenes" to go in chronological order? Currently 1997 precedes 1994, for instance.
    • Moved the 1997 book to nearer the end so its now chronological Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:47, January 29, 2013 (UTC)
  • Can you summarize the Adnerem's RPG stats in the BTS? Humans are 2D/4D in all attributes; do the Adnerem differ from this much at all? And do they get any special abilities? (If they have no stats with a max below 3D+1 or a max above 4D+2, you can probably assume they're fairly standard and not mention it.) I'll review History again tomorrow. ~SavageBOB sig 13:13, January 29, 2013 (UTC)
    • I've sumarised as best I can although I don't really have any experience with the system. The stats are Dex 1D/3D, Knowledge 1D+2/4D+2, Mechanical 1D/3D, Perception 1D+2, Strength 1D/3D, Technical 1D/2D Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:47, January 29, 2013 (UTC)
  • Aweseome; we're almost there, I swear. :) References: Can you go through the references and clean them up a bit? I notice a few things: first, punctuation should fall before the numerical reference markers. In other words, you should always have blah blah blah.</ref> rather than blah blah blah</ref>. Also, be careful that the "p." for "page" is not capitalized; it's currently inconsistent. Then, make sure that stuff is italicizing properly in the refs (see ref. 4 for where this is currently messed up a bit). Finally, be sure that the text of your reference notes has no punctuation unless it's a full sentence, in which case it should. (I still owe that history review.) ~SavageBOB sig 12:47, February 1, 2013 (UTRC)
    • Ok I've cleaned up everything you've mentioned and added a page number to the Essential Chronology reference although it may need to be changed as I've mentioned above. Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:20, February 1, 2013 (UTC)
      • I'm still seeing lots of references where you've placed the punctuation after the </ref> tag instead of before the <ref> tag. Be sure you never have any punctuation after a </ref> or <ref name="source" /> tag. So, for example, it would be correct to write: Han Solo was a smuggler.<ref>''[[Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope]]''</ref> Note the placement of the full stop. ~SavageBOB sig 16:06, February 2, 2013 (UTC)
        • Ok I think I got them all now. Obviously I wasn't as careful as I thought checking the first time sorry. Ayrehead02 (talk) 17:40, February 2, 2013 (UTC)
          • No worries. A lot of getting an article up to FA status is pure tedium. :) ~SavageBOB sig 18:05, February 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • History: I think it's likely that they were discovered by the Duros when the Atlas maps say they were. However, we have to be careful about assuming that. The Atlas maps only tell us when that region of the galaxy was first explored, so it could have been someone coming to the system, mapping its planets, and jumping back out. It could be that that region was highly explored, but some pocket systems, like Adner, may have fallen by the wayside. In other words, I think we need to hedge our bets a bit. Maybe say something like this: "The area of space in which Adner fell was explored by outsiders by X BBY" (sourced to the Atlas). "The first visitors to make contact with the Adner were Duros..." and then continue as you have it. Does that make sense? ~SavageBOB sig 13:02, February 1, 2013 (UTC)
    • Yup that does make sense. The other thing is in the article it says that the Duros discovered the Adnerem 3000 years ago however there doesn't seem to be any date associated with the article and since there's no mention of any era specific factions I didn't know if that was in any way usable information. I'll change it o what you've suggested for now unless you can think of a way to put the 3000 years into context. Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:20, February 1, 2013 (UTC)
Floyd
  • Opening quote is missing punctuation.
  • I'm seeing steri and steris sometimes being interchanged when steris is the correct term. Please fix.
    • Wow going through they really weren't consistent good catch Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:08, February 10, 2013 (UTC)
  • Remove the parentheses, they are usually avoided on Wookieepedia.
  • Double-check your linking.
    • Removed all duplicate links in the main body of text Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:08, February 10, 2013 (UTC)
  • I think more could go in the "Important distinctions" field of the infobox. For example, their big talons.
  • Could we get an article for their precursor species?
  • Solid work. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:51, February 10, 2013 (UTC)
Cadeth
  • Ayre, I'm not seeing any change in the intro quote. It needs punctuation.
    • My apologies I could of sworn I edited that Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:58, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • "scavenger/hunters" - I'm fairly certain the slash is a no-no, try a dash instead (i.e. "scavenger-hunters".)
    • Changed, I used the source's exact phrasing for it but the slash did seem odd so I'm happy to change it. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:58, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • Anyway you can make it more clear that steris is the singular and steri is the plural when you first introduce the term?
  • Article for education-steris? It seems distinct enough to have its own.
    • Added and will be written soon Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:58, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • "The reason for such pairings was unknown" - this part should really be excised, as we tend to leave such statements unspoken. Does the source itself say that the reason was unknown?
    • The source itself does say that the reasoning is unknown so I thought it might be relevant if its unknown in-universe as well as out. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:58, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
      • That's what I wondered; then you should state that it was unknown to the galaxy at large. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 20:39, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
  • You need to source all of the paragraphs; there's one in the Society and culture section that isn't.
  • In the History section, you say that Adner fell under Republic control again at the end of the Clone Wars when the Separatists were disbanded, but by that time the Empire had superseded the Republic. There wasn't really a time gap between the dissolution of the Confederacy and the formation of the Empire.
    • Edited it to switch straight to the Empire. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:58, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • "an incredibly powerful Hutt crime lord" - the incredible is rather POV and unnecessary. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 00:15, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
    • All sorted unless you still want me to remove the unknown sentence about the pairings. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:58, March 13, 2013 (UTC)
Cav
  • although those groups traditionally consisting of sixty-four adults whom were not necessarily related to one another genetically. - I think you're either missing something from the end here, or the beginning is incorrect. The use of "although those groups" indicates a further qualifier to the end of the sentence that is not present.
    • Removed the although does that sound better? Ayrehead02 (talk) 01:13, March 18, 2013 (UTC)
  • Shouldn't Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas be marked as non-canon in the appearances list? - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 23:09, March 17, 2013 (UTC)
    • Possibly although I wasn't sure as the specific section is referenced in later canon with Po Ruddle Lingsnot who is part of the Lingsnot family. Also is there a possible non-canon appearance template? Having two separate brackets looks messy. Ayrehead02 (talk) 01:13, March 18, 2013 (UTC)
      • Well, the entire book is non-canon, and while names may be reused, the species of Lingsnot is markedly different from an Adnerem. Classifying it completely as non-canon is the way to go here. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:27, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Quick prelim before I jump in: would you be able to break up the longer paragraphs somewhere? The intro paragraph should definitely be split somewhere, as well as the Bts paragraphs and some of the body paragraphs, too. CC7567 (talk) 18:07, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
    • How's that? --Eyrezer (talk) 09:58, April 15, 2013 (UTC)
      • Wow sorry totally missed this objection sorry! Thanks for covering it Eyrezer Ayrehead02 (talk) 12:48, April 15, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 04:53, April 16, 2013 (UTC)

  • My apologises for crossing out your comments bob having looked at other nominations I thought I was meant to once I'd done what was being requested. Hope you didnt take offence Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:27, January 23, 2013 (UTC)
    • None taken at all! FAN can be a confusing process. I'm glad to see you taking part in it! ~SavageBOB sig 16:09, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • Not really an objection, but since you wrote something in the BTS about that design shown in Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas, you should also note that the same conceptual drawing evolved into another character: Po Ruddle Lingsnot. --LelalMekha (talk) 22:46, January 26, 2013 (UTC)
    • He's actually not an Adnerem, though (it's the other guy in that composite image who became one). But Lingsnot could be mentioned as an aside, perhaps. ~SavageBOB sig 23:41, January 26, 2013 (UTC)
      • I've added him in and changed the name of the criminal family to match his because looking at monsters and aliens again I'm pretty certain I mis-read the signature on it Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:25, January 27, 2013 (UTC)