- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Unidentified mine operator
- Nominated by: Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:49, August 3, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Defensive beaurocrat
(3 ECs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
- QuiGonJinn
(Talk) 11:25, August 11, 2010 (UTC) - looks worthy --DarthRageLeave a message after the beep 23:17, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
- Menkooroo 04:13, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 09:57, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 11:23, September 13, 2010 (UTC)- Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:46, September 15, 2010 (UTC)
Object
"He was presumed to have been killed when Sykes destroyed the control room." Speculation. Besides, it is not even required to destroy the control room.QuiGonJinn(Talk) 08:48, August 5, 2010 (UTC)
- Removed, but every time I played, I needed to destroy the control center before the game let me proceed. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 09:49, August 5, 2010 (UTC)
- Weird. Every time I played it, I only had to destroy the plasma miners to progress. Maybe it depends on the game's version or something? QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:25, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Weird. Every time I played it, I only had to destroy the plasma miners to progress. Maybe it depends on the game's version or something? QuiGonJinn
- Removed, but every time I played, I needed to destroy the control center before the game let me proceed. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 09:49, August 5, 2010 (UTC)
The intro and the bio are two separate entities, so context is needed on Borvo in the latter. You've mentioned that he's working for Borvo in the intro, but you've gotta mention it in the bio, too.Is it known who the flight leader of Bravo Squadron is? If so, can you pipelink them?Menkooroo 01:21, September 2, 2010 (UTC)- Added. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:19, September 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Cav
Do we have an article for Sykes' flight leader?Do we know who voice him as he apparently has dialogue?- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 09:48, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
- It is possible this guy is actually Smeer Ze-Trios, in which case we would know his VA. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:19, September 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Jujiggum
The writing is extremely choppy. Please combine some sentences for better flow.- Addressed.
- This remains. Many sentences are still very short and choppy. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:54, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Addressed.
"The director became verbally offensive, calling his mine a "legal operation."" How is calling his mine a "legal operation" being verbally offensive?- I smidged the words around.
- This still doesn't make sense. Saying that his mine is legal is not being verbally offensive. He must have said something more if he was being offensive. Also, why did he have to defend his mine's legality if all Sykes wanted was information? Did Sykes question the mine's legality? Right now you don't say that he did, which doesn't make sense. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:54, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
- I put "hostile" instead. You're correct, it doesn't make sense. But he literally has two lines of dialogue to establish himself and the circumstances.
- This still doesn't make sense. Saying that his mine is legal is not being verbally offensive. He must have said something more if he was being offensive. Also, why did he have to defend his mine's legality if all Sykes wanted was information? Did Sykes question the mine's legality? Right now you don't say that he did, which doesn't make sense. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:54, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
- I smidged the words around.
"His words, however, did not detract Sykes" "Detract" means "to reduce or take away the value of" or "to deny or take away as in a quality or achievment to make its subject seem less impressive." I don't think that's what you mean here…- I guess deter would work better.
There is enough info for at least a short P&T.- The best I can come up with is "This individual became defensive when someone challenged his camp."
- You could also add that he ordered his defenses to fire on Sykes, too. I'm not familiar with the source material, but perhaps there was something else the mine operator said that gives a clue to his personality. You should be able to work out enough info for at least a one or two-sentence P&T. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:54, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
- It still seems speculative to me.
- Please see the wording changes I made here to avoid speculation. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 15:58, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
- It still seems speculative to me.
- You could also add that he ordered his defenses to fire on Sykes, too. I'm not familiar with the source material, but perhaps there was something else the mine operator said that gives a clue to his personality. You should be able to work out enough info for at least a one or two-sentence P&T. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:54, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
- The best I can come up with is "This individual became defensive when someone challenged his camp."
- Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 00:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for taking the time to check this article. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:19, September 11, 2010 (UTC)
One more: perhaps there are further quotes by this operator? If so, they need to be added. One in the bio, and if possible, one in the P&T.Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:54, September 12, 2010 (UTC)- Added. Like I said, he only had two lines.
One last thing to check: according to Sykes' article, the mine was run by the Trade Federation and also employed Naboo slaves. If this is so, you should add this info to the article, including that this operator was affiliated with the Trade Federation, and that the Naboo captured by the Trade Fed were used as slaves in the mine.Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 15:58, September 14, 2010 (UTC)- I think you mean the slave camps established by the Trade Federation and liberated by Sykes. Otherwise why would the Federation attack their own mining camp? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 22:35, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
- Ah, yes; sorry, my mistake. Sorry about that. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:46, September 15, 2010 (UTC)
- I think you mean the slave camps established by the Trade Federation and liberated by Sykes. Otherwise why would the Federation attack their own mining camp? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 22:35, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
- Soresu
So was the mine truly illegal? I see no mention in the Bio. If so, is it known why it was illegal?- Looks good otherwise :D SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 12:19, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Heh. Addressed. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:06, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
Is there a reason why you don't mention Sykes by name in the intro?SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 23:49, September 12, 2010 (UTC)- To create suspension. He's added now.
- Lol SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 11:23, September 13, 2010 (UTC)
- To create suspension. He's added now.
Comments
Upon further reflection, the game does not directly say he is an illegal miner employed by Borvo, only implies it. The article has been updated to reflect that. And i'll kill the redlink soon. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 16:19, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
- I know I've already supported it and stuff, but could you check again what was he mining? It's crystals in my version, not plasma. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:19, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
- I think its meant to be plasma, kind of like the Globe of Peace or the Gungan weapons. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 15:08, September 13, 2010 (UTC)