- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Unidentified Keshiri bartender
- Nominated by: Axinal Convocation Chamber 01:03, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments:From Lost Tribe of the Sith: Sentinel
(3 ECs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
Good to see something from the Lost Tribe series getting nommed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 22:57, February 27, 2011 (UTC)- Juri-juice, on the rocks. ~ SavageBob 23:45, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- OLIOSTER (talk) 13:39, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
Object
- SavageBob
I think it's considered bad form to link something you've bolded as the title of the article. So, your first line might be rewritten as "This elderly individual was a Keshiri who tended a bar on Kesh in 3,960 BBY." Or something similar.- Fixed
Sorry, I gave you couple of redlinks to fill. ~ SavageBob 18:19, February 27, 2011 (UTC)- No problem, created the two articles. Thanks for the review, SavageBob. Axinal Convocation Chamber 21:10, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Jujiggum
Please fill in the name field in the infobox.- Fixed
"This elderly Keshiri…" Firstly, SavageBob is correct above; please don't link the bolded title. Also, I don't think this Keshiri was "elderly" his whole life, so using that to describe him in general at the beginning of his biography is misleading/incorrect.- Logical; moved the word to show that he was elderly by the time Jelph Marrian entered the bar.
You have P&T-material in the intro/body. Please make a P&T section for this info.- Made P&T section
Missing context for Kesh.- Fixed
- The fact that it was in the Wild Space region cannot be sourced to Sentinel. You can remove the Wild Space bit and just use "planet," or you can source Wild Space and the rest of the article; it's up to you. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 22:35, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Removed Wild Space, since it's not important to the article anyway.
- The fact that it was in the Wild Space region cannot be sourced to Sentinel. You can remove the Wild Space bit and just use "planet," or you can source Wild Space and the rest of the article; it's up to you. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 22:35, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Fixed
"When a morose Human Jedi named Jelph Marrian entered the bar on his way to Tahv to search for Orielle Kitai…" Missing context on Tahv and Orielle—but do we really need this much detail on Jelph's activities? This isn't Jelph's article, this is the bartender's. Do we really need to know where he was going? (And, by the way, Sentinel states that the bar was "nestled in the lenthening shadows of the capital city's walls," so technically Jelph was already in Tahv)- "on the way to Tahv" was poor wording on my part, fixed that; SavageBob provided context for Jelph and I removed Orielle's name completely.
- User:Imperators II made a good point on my talk page. Theoretically, the bar could be just outside Tahv's walls, and if the sun is on the other side of the city, their shadows would still hit the bar. Do you think the article should say "near Tahv" rather than "in Tahv"? Axinal Convocation Chamber 21:50, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- The narrative describes the walls as "now-purposeless," I'm thinking because they offered Ori no protection from Jelph if he was also inside the city. I could be wrong, but I interpret that to mean that the bar was within the city, like you said in the first place. Axinal Convocation Chamber 21:59, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- It's in Tahv, there is absolutely nothing to suggest that the tavern would be outside the city, and everything to suggest that it would be inside. Also, as we learned in Omen—the walls were built to stave off the predators of Kesh, but after the Sith came with their powers they were able to stave off or domesticate all the animals. Thus the walls no longered served any purpose but decoration. So the walls being "now-purposeless" refers to the fact that, since the Sith came, they're no longer needed to protect the city. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 22:35, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- The narrative describes the walls as "now-purposeless," I'm thinking because they offered Ori no protection from Jelph if he was also inside the city. I could be wrong, but I interpret that to mean that the bar was within the city, like you said in the first place. Axinal Convocation Chamber 21:59, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
"Tidbits" is a little too colloquial- Changed to "pieces".
Could you give some examples? What sort of love advice was offered?- Provided an example
You have some infobox-exclusive information.- Fixed.
- Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:34, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review, Master Jon. Axinal Convocation Chamber 21:10, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
A couple more quick things: Never, ever use "unidentified" in IU text—and that includes IU quote captions. Remember, just because something has not been identified for us, doesn't mean that it hasn't been identified in-universe.- Makes sense. Removed "unidentified" in all IU contexts.
Also, it's not entirely clear now why he would give Marrian love advice. Perhaps you could mention first that the bartender guessed that Marrian's troubles had to do with a woman.Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 22:35, February 27, 2011 (UTC)- Added. Axinal Convocation Chamber 22:45, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
Comments