Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Unidentified Duros loadmaster

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified Duros loadmaster

  • Nominated by: TK-462 (talk) 03:27, September 15, 2020 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(3 ECs/1 Users/4 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. ECvote UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 15:17, September 22, 2020 (UTC)
  2. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 18:40, September 23, 2020 (UTC)
  3. ECvote Fan26 (Talk) 14:03, September 29, 2020 (UTC)
  4. ECvote QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 06:48, October 2, 2020 (UTC)

Object

UberSoldat
  • Two-speaker quotes use {{Quote}}, not {{Dialogue}}. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 07:15, September 15, 2020 (UTC)
    • Fixed. TK-462 (talk) 08:40, September 15, 2020 (UTC)
      • Line breaks are formatted like this: <br />. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 08:52, September 15, 2020 (UTC)
        • Fixed, thanks. TK-462 (talk) 09:05, September 15, 2020 (UTC)
  • "Grand Army" appears to be missing from the infobox.
  • "...the loadmaster was directing clone troopers onto gunships[1] on the Outer Rim planet[3] Geonosis, which were transporting the weary and wounded troopers onto the Implacable." Dangling participle here. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 12:10, September 17, 2020 (UTC)
    • Fixed both. TK-462 (talk) 14:25, September 17, 2020 (UTC)
  • "While the irritable Duros barked commands at the troopers, he had a short exchange with RC-1136 "Darman", in which the loadmaster made the mistake of ordering the clone commando aboard the gunships without his squad." Couple of issues here:
    • Does the novel refer to RC-1136 as just "Darman"?
      • It does, he doesn't take on the surname "Skirata" until later on in the series. TK-462 (talk) 19:24, September 21, 2020 (UTC)
    • Please fix the grammar.
    • Also specify who's "squad" you're referring to here.
      • Fixed the above objections. TK-462 (talk) 19:24, September 21, 2020 (UTC)
  • No gender is specified in the infobox, yet you refer to the Duros with "he/his" pronouns. Please revise. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 16:29, September 21, 2020 (UTC)
    • Fixed. TK-462 (talk) 19:24, September 21, 2020 (UTC)
  • Can you make the date note specific to the subject of the article? UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 19:29, September 21, 2020 (UTC)
    • The Reader's Companion states the the entirety of Hard Contact occurs in 22 BBY, so I've fixed the reference note to reflect that. TK-462 (talk) 03:53, September 22, 2020 (UTC)
  • "...where the loadmaster made the mistake of ordering the clone commando aboard the gunships without the commando's squad." This sounds opinionated and should be rewritten to be more neutral.
    • Fixed. TK-462 (talk) 09:42, September 27, 2020 (UTC)
      • Didn't strike this before, sorry. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 09:44, September 27, 2020 (UTC)
  • The quote reveals that Darman was waiting for his squad when he was ordered to head for the gunships. This should be mentioned in the article proper. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 06:24, September 22, 2020 (UTC)
    • Fixed the above objections. TK-462 (talk) 14:17, September 22, 2020 (UTC)
      • Try to avoid repeating the same adjectives ("irritable/irritably" in this case). UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 14:30, September 22, 2020 (UTC)
        • Whoops! Fixed. TK-462 (talk) 15:13, September 22, 2020 (UTC)
  • Reviewing note: Don't forget to add an {{Otheruses}} to articles with conjectural titles if applicable. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 15:17, September 22, 2020 (UTC)
Freed fanboy
  • "he had a short exchange with RC-1136 "Darman," who was waiting for his squadmates. The loadmaster irritably ordered the clone commando" I think it'd be better to introduce RC as the clone commando before going to the next sentence.
  • Does "short" count as a height? Myan, for example, doesn't use diminutive. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 21:58, September 22, 2020 (UTC)
    • Fixed. TK-462 (talk) 17:47, September 23, 2020 (UTC)
Fan
  • As discussed in the fourth objection in this recent article nomination, a character who is not a clone cannot be said to be part of the GAR. Please swap this for Republic Military. Fan26 (Talk) 12:56, September 28, 2020 (UTC)
    • This is the description of the Duros from Hard Contact: "He was one of the very, very few outsiders whom Darman had ever seen working with the Grand Army, a short, wrinkled Duros with a temper to match." I agree with your point here, but this seems to specify that he is in fact a member of the GAR. TK-462 (talk) 15:01, September 28, 2020 (UTC)
      • Huh, that's an odd little detail there. Fan26 (Talk) 14:03, September 29, 2020 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Comprehensive article by EduCorps 18:18, October 4, 2020 (UTC)