- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Rainbow Berry Pie
- Nominated by: JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 03:08, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: The last of the Ewok pie trifecta
- WookieeProject (optional): WP:EWOKS, WP:VG
(3 ECs/1 Users/4 Total)
(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)
Support
Fan26 (Talk) 14:17, 23 September 2021 (UTC)- Rainbowlicious! Immi Thrax
(talk) 03:54, 28 September 2021 (UTC) - UberSoldat93
(talk) 09:57, 28 September 2021 (UTC) - OOM 224 16:08, 1 October 2021 (UTC)
Object
Rainbow Immi
I'm finding the chronology on this confusing. Did Zephee make a rainbow berry pie for a particular Harvest Moon Feast, and at another time he made one with berries his children found? Or did the children find berries that he used for the Harvest Moon Feast?Immi Thrax (talk) 09:22, 25 September 2021 (UTC)
- Now that you mention it, the berries found by the woklings is kinda implied to be used in the pies but not explicitly connected, so I've removed that mention. Any better? Also, note that Zephee is a she. :) JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 02:54, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
Oop, confused her with someone else! Better, but still unclear to me if this was two events or one? If they're the same event, maybe reword "That night," to "At the Harvest Moon Feast that night,", or restructure in a different way: use the first paragraph to just describe the pie in general (ingredients, event it would be made for, no mention of Zephee) then the second for the particular time Zephee made one.Immi Thrax (talk) 04:04, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- Gave it a couple tweaks. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 04:14, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
Almost there! For better ~flow~, I suggest switching the order of ideas in the first sentence, such as: "Rainbow Berry Bie was an Ewok pie made with rainbow berries. Ewoks on the Forest Moon of Endor made it and consumed it during their Harvest Moon Feast." Then you have the second paragraph as-is.Immi Thrax (talk) 04:23, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- How's that? JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 00:39, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
- Gave it a couple tweaks. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 04:14, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- Now that you mention it, the berries found by the woklings is kinda implied to be used in the pies but not explicitly connected, so I've removed that mention. Any better? Also, note that Zephee is a she. :) JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 02:54, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
OOM
Dupe link in infobox + infobox-exclusive info- Fixed.
Can it be assumed that "all the Ewoks" were from/at Bright Tree Village?OOM 224 14:36, 1 October 2021 (UTC)- Mentioned the village, was that what you had in mind? JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 15:32, 1 October 2021 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Comprehensive article by EduCorps 16:08, 1 October 2021 (UTC)