Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Photon fizzle

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Photon fizzle

Nominated by: JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 17:15, 29 August 2021 (UTC)
Nomination comments: I expect Immi to handle to canon version at some point :P
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(3 ECs/1 Users/4 Total)

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Support

Dangit, you got me there... Immi Thrax (talk) 22:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
Commander Code-8 ^{Hello There!} 07:11, 15 September 2021 (UTC)
UberSoldat93 (talk) 09:38, 21 September 2021 (UTC)
OOM 224 16:57, 22 September 2021 (UTC)

Object

Immi Fizzle

~~Given that a Besalisk commented on another Besalisk making the best photon fizzle, I'd consider it potable by Besalisks and include that in the infobox.~~ Immi Thrax (talk) 21:22, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
- Doodnik isn't a Besalisk and I don't think Dex's has enough to say that Dex drank the drink/
  - Wow, I don't even know where I got the idea that Doodnik was a Besalisk, whoops. Seems odd for Dex to think someone made the best if he never drank it himself. Striking, though I disagree. Immi Thrax (talk) 04:47, 5 September 2021 (UTC)
I know Dining at Dex's doesn't actually elaborate on the different ways of preparing it, so I won't ask for those unavailable details, but reading the first sentence makes me think "a variety of different ways—like what?" Maybe save that for noting that there's a variety, but Dex does it Doodnik's way? Immi Thrax (talk) 21:22, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
- If I remove it from there, the opening sentence is "A photon fizzle was a type of beverage," which is a bit boring. I think having that detail makes the sentence better.
  - Striking, but please consider revising so it doesn't beg the question "what are those varieties?" Immi Thrax (talk) 04:47, 5 September 2021 (UTC)
~~The start of the second paragraph is confusing, sounding like the planet Coruscant was destroyed sometime during the first two years of the Galactic Empire. Please revise!~~ Immi Thrax (talk) 21:22, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
- Fixed.
  - ~~The timeline is more clear now! However, the sentence is now convoluted. It could be split into separate sentences or revised to improve the flow.~~ Immi Thrax (talk) 04:47, 5 September 2021 (UTC)
Try using a description or a name within this phrasing since there's pronoun confusion (Dex made his diner prepare photon fizzles the way Dex did?): "Therefore, he had his diner prepare their photon fizzles the way he did" Immi Thrax (talk) 21:22, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
- Done. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 03:46, 5 September 2021 (UTC)

CC-8

~~You're at 166 words in the body~~
~~Body info should be ordered chronologically~~ Commander Code-8 ^{Hello There!} 01:19, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
~~That spot with the double referencing seems like it can just be sourced to Dining at Dex's~~ Commander Code-8 ^{Hello There!} 10:21, 14 September 2021 (UTC)
- Nice catch. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 15:33, 14 September 2021 (UTC)

UberSoldat

~~Are there any quotes that can be included from Droids?~~ UberSoldat93 (talk) 11:46, 14 September 2021 (UTC)
- Yeah, was meaning to add that. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 15:33, 14 September 2021 (UTC)
  - It's actually fully capitalized? Now I'm confused as to why the article title wasn't at that namespace from the beginning. UberSoldat93 (talk) 13:47, 15 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Comprehensive article by EduCorps 16:57, 22 September 2021 (UTC)