Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Obviribdum

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Obviribdum

  • Nominated by: Imperators II(Talk) 12:11, 9 September 2024 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:
  • Date Archived: 22:34, 12 September 2024 (UTC)
  • Final word count: 161 words (0 introduction, 108 body, 53 behind the scenes)
  • Word count at nomination time: 161 words (0 introduction, 108 body, 53 behind the scenes)
  • WookieeProject (optional):

(3 ECs/0 Users/3 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. ECvote CometSmudge (talk) 23:05, 9 September 2024 (UTC)
  2. ECvote Lewisr (talk) 20:59, 11 September 2024 (UTC)
  3. ECvote Wok142 (talk) 18:10, 12 September 2024 (UTC)

Object

Wok
  • The second sentence feels clunky to me. I would see it reworded to be: "In 35 ABY, by the time Supreme Leader of the First Order Kylo Ren had reforged his shattered helmet, First Order technicians custom-designed him a reliquary case with an outer shell of reflective obviribdum in the shape of a truncated cube." I think it's smoother this way, and also all the time indicators are grouped together.
    • Perhaps it reads smoother to you, but what it also does is make an unsubstantiated assumption—namely, that the case was necessarily made in 35 ABY, where it could have just as well been made in 34 ABY.
  • Actually, would there be a better way to landmark the timing of this event instead of by the time he reforged his helmet? Maybe, shortly prior to the Mission to Mustafar (First Order) or something like that? Maybe this is just my preference but I thought I'd bring it up.
    • I don't see why the before-event would be better to use here than the after-event.
  • I believe this is a case where linking to time is not the most appropriate, per a conversation on discord from a while ago. Essentially, the current Time article is really about definition 1 (here: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/time) as opposed to definition 2.
    • Sure, removed.
  • The third sentence also feels like a bit of a run-on. I think this would be a good way to break it up, but this way, I would also suggest requisitioning the last sentence into the middle here so all of the information detailing the physical description of the case is placed together: "The case, which was kept in Ren's private quarters aboard his flagship Star Destroyer Steadfast, was magnetically sealed, climate-controlled, and shielded from both radiation and sensor scans. Ren also had the outer shell of the case made blast-proof at great expense. It contained the remains of the charred helmet of Ren's grandfather, Sith Lord Darth Vader." Wok142 (talk) 22:43, 11 September 2024 (UTC)
    • Split it up but kept the ordering largely as is because it makes more sense to me that way, that is, it kind of gives upfront the reasoning why Ren had the case made the way it was. Imperators II(Talk) 17:26, 12 September 2024 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Comprehensive article by EduCorps 22:34, 12 September 2024 (UTC)