Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Kidnapping of Hoxie

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kidnapping of Hoxie

  • Nominated by: Commander Code-8 (talk) 09:19, April 8, 2018 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Let the universe howl in despair, for I have returned! Picking up right where I left off, writing articles about a game only I care about. Expect this to be quite rusty

(3 ECs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Good work. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 12:56, April 9, 2018 (UTC)
  2. ECvote I believe MasterFredcerique also cares deeply for Galactic Battlegrounds. Imperators II(Talk) 15:34, April 9, 2018 (UTC)
  3. ECvote 1358 (Talk) 21:21, April 19, 2018 (UTC)
  4. ECvote Corellian PremierJedi symbolThe Force will be with you always 23:22, April 27, 2018 (UTC)

Object

Tommy
  • BTS needs to be full referenced.
  • Who developed Galactic Battlegrounds?
  • I think the first sentence should have commas around "in the year 3000 BBY" to break it up.
  • "which was left leaderless and continued participating in the war." Are you talking about Otoh Raban or the stronghold where Hoxie was held?
  • Should boss be capitalised in the penultimate sentence?
  • "Gallo to attacked the stronghold with his army…" this doesn't make sense.
  • You should say which game mentioned the kidnapping first.
    • All addressed. I'm a bit iffy on including the developer in the Bts, but I guess it's equivalent to naming an author for articles created in novels.Commander Code-8 Felicitations malefactors! 13:13, April 8, 2018 (UTC)
      • Yeah that's what I thought.
  • Is there anything notable about the second mention that necessitates a BTS mention?
  • I think you should change "allowing him" to "which would allow him".
  • "Shortly after the kidnapping" should have a comma after it as the current sentence is a bit confusing.
  • In the last sentence, I think you should say "Gallo then attacked". Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 13:24, April 8, 2018 (UTC)
    • All changed except the first one, since this event only has two appearances I don't think anything's lost by giving context to both of them in the Bts. Might not be necessary but it's how I've always handled it. Commander Code-8 Felicitations malefactors! 14:52, April 8, 2018 (UTC)
      • Fair enough.
  • You source info to The Essential Atlas, but it isn't under a sources heading. You should either add it or construct a ref note explaining how you got to your conclusion eg. TEA says the gungan war was in 3000 BBY. As the kidnapping of Hoxie takes place during the war, that event must take place in 3000 BBY (or something along those lines, I assume that's how you got the date). Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 17:07, April 8, 2018 (UTC)
  • "Shortly after the kidnapping, Boss Gallo, a Gungan who was uniting the tribes against Rogoe, arrived at Otoh Raban, and a resident of the city informed him of Hoxie's abduction, promising to join his cause if the boss was rescued." This runs on a bit, so I suggest splitting it into 2 sentences.
  • You're missing punctuation in the BTS. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 10:37, April 9, 2018 (UTC)
  • Nearly there. I think you should split up the main text into two paragraphs. Also, there shouldn't be a gap between the quote and the start of the text. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 12:40, April 9, 2018 (UTC)
Kidnapping of Boss Imperators
  • The intro quote seems to be missing punctuation.
    • Embarassed that I missed that
  • From the linking in the article it seems like the kidnapping was followed by the Battle of the Forest Cities, therefore it should be put in the "next" field of the infobox. Are there any other events/battles of the war that the kidnapping has a chronological relation to? Note the kidnapping should also go into {{War of the Gungan tribes}}, with the template being used on the article. Imperators II(Talk) 14:26, April 9, 2018 (UTC)
    • Added the template and "next" field, I don't think the previous battles can be linked in the infobox since the only information given as to the timeframe of the kidnapping comes from the villager saying "Very recently", so it's unclear if it occurred prior to Battle of Otoh Sancture or if it occurred after that. --Commander Code-8 Felicitations malefactors! 14:41, April 9, 2018 (UTC)
Ecks Dee
  • Any reason why the image isn't in the infobox? It seems relevant enough to put there. 1358 (Talk) 20:46, April 13, 2018 (UTC)
    • I was unsure if that image would have been appropriate since it portrays the aftermath of the event rather than the event itself, but I guess it still works there. Moved it. --Commander Code-8 Felicitations malefactors! 02:12, April 16, 2018 (UTC)

Comments

It just occurred to me that the character's title might not be required in the article's title, should it be removed? Commander Code-8 Felicitations malefactors! 13:14, April 8, 2018 (UTC)