Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Cloud diary

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was withdrawn. Please do not modify it.

Cloud diary

• Nominated by: YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 17:02, 27 August 2021 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Finally, a CAN by me that fits within the word count <Chemist test tube meme>
• WookieeProject (optional): WP:NOVELS

(0 ECs/1 Users/1 Total)

(Votes required: 2 EC vote(s) required to reach minimum. Additional 2 user or 1 EC vote required to pass.)

Support

1. Immi Thrax (talk) 23:05, 6 September 2021 (UTC)

Object

Macaroni

• Do not link in quotes if the links are present in the body.
• Please fix quote punctuation.
• {{Dialogue}} should only be used for a minimum of three speakers.
• Culture is infobox-exclusive. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 17:18, 27 August 2021 (UTC)
  • Addressed all of those, thanks. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 17:24, 27 August 2021 (UTC)
• Please remove the reference from the intro.
  • Done. Working on the last one. — YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 22:56, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
• Intro also needs to be expanded to include some of the diary's history. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 01:31, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
  • Done. — YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 19:06, 9 September 2021 (UTC)
• Bts needs to mention the name of the book's series. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 20:58, 9 September 2021 (UTC)

Luca

• Tree can be linked.
  • Done -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk)
• Are you sure about "The Chiss mid-ager Yomie", it sounds a bit strange to me. What about "The Chiss female Yomie"? (Remember to remove the link from her)
  • Done. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 18:20, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
    • Uh, seems unchanged to me… LucaRoR ^(Talk) 18:26, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
      • I changed it to "Yomie, a Chiss female". -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 21:12, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
• A date for the events described?
  • Added. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 18:20, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
    • I'd put it earlier in the History, since it seems a bit random in the middle of text. LucaRoR ^(Talk) 18:26, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
      • Is this better? -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 18:41, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
• The sentence "when traveling with her betrothed Yoponek and Agbui led by Haplif." is a bit confusing in my opinion, especially the part "and Agbui led by Haplif", what does it mean?
  • Better now? -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk)
• Context for Shimkif?
  • Removed mention of her as it was not necessary. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk)
• Was Haplif manipulating Yomie? I think it's worth explaining why and how.
  • He was not able to. He was able to manipulate her fiancé Yoponek. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 18:20, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
• Did something relevant happen between the deduction of Yomie and his death? I mean, did he accuse or try to stop Yomie? LucaRoR ^(Talk) 08:08, 30 August 2021 (UTC)
  • No, he just killed her and dumped her body and the diary in the vacuum. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 16:48, 30 August 2021 (UTC)
• Forgot to add, death can be linked. LucaRoR ^(Talk) 08:09, 30 August 2021 (UTC)
  • Done. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 18:23, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
• Context for the Chiss Ascendancy? LucaRoR ^(Talk) 18:26, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
  • I changed it from subvert the [[Chiss Ascendancy]] to subvert the [[Chiss Ascendancy|Chiss nation]]. Is that better? -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 20:52, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
• 18 BBY should be linked.
  • Done. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 17:49, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
• If possible, context for Grysk Hegemony?
  • Better? -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 17:49, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
• Why were they on the planet Shihon? Worth mentioning, in my opinion.
  • Added a link for that. [[Great Migration (Shihon)|bird-watching]] -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 17:49, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
• Did Agbui also kill Coduyo'po'nekri? LucaRoR ^(Talk) 16:26, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
  • No. He didn't suspect them, and they needed him. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 17:49, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
• "Yomie described the Agbui's manipulations in her cloud diary and was killed by Haplif to silence her revelations." this senetnce needs context, in my opinion. LucaRoR ^(Talk) 19:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)

Immi Thrax

• The article doesn't reflect that the cloud diary has separated pages that can be scattered on a surface. This leaves the cloud diary's structure unclear and gives the impression that it's a single tablet. Immi Thrax (talk) 11:47, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
  • Better now, or more work needed? -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk)
• Please describe the actual drawings in Yomie's cloud diary; the book has details of one that she let Haplif examine before she took it away. Immi Thrax (talk) 11:47, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
  • I tried to cram a mention of Yomie drawing a landscape with plains, trees, mountains, clouds and an ocean. If you don't think it suffices, I'm going to have to withdraw this CAN and possibly GAN it. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk) 00:22, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
• This event from the book isn't really reflected in the article: "Her cloud journal drawings might hold some clues to that, but he'd searched her room thoroughly during the past two days without finding them. Clearly, she'd taken to carrying the pages with her when she and Yoponek headed out to watch the birds." Immi Thrax (talk) 11:47, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
  • I added some context for that. Is it enough? -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk)
• The article should also indicate what Haplif believed Yomie was doing with her drawings ("secretly recording everything she knew about him and the Agbui). Immi Thrax (talk) 11:47, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
  • Done. -- YakovChaimTzvi (talk)

Comments