- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.
Battle in the Metatessu sector
- Nominated by: Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 19:50, October 4, 2020 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Twinned with the battle in the Chonsetta system and standing at 164, gosh.
(0 ECs/1 Users/1 Total)
(Votes required: 2 EC vote(s) required to reach minimum. Additional 2 user or 1 EC vote required to pass.)
Support
- LordMominutiae (talk) 14:24, October 5, 2020 (UTC)
Object
LordMominutiae
Should the Mid Rim Retreat be mentioned and linked somewhere in the article body? Currently it's exclusive to the infobox.LordMominutiae (talk) 23:02, October 4, 2020 (UTC)- Fixed—word count at 164. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 07:02, October 5, 2020 (UTC)
- You're going to need an "a" before "battle" in the first sentence, as currently it doesn't make sense. However, that would bump your word count to 165, so you may want to see if there is any place else in the article where you can remove at least one word. LordMominutiae (talk) 14:09, October 5, 2020 (UTC)
- Fixed. 'However' made the tone look weird with the clause before beginning with 'but' anyway. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 14:22, October 5, 2020 (UTC)
- Whew! LordMominutiae (talk) 14:24, October 5, 2020 (UTC)
- Fixed. 'However' made the tone look weird with the clause before beginning with 'but' anyway. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 14:22, October 5, 2020 (UTC)
- You're going to need an "a" before "battle" in the first sentence, as currently it doesn't make sense. However, that would bump your word count to 165, so you may want to see if there is any place else in the article where you can remove at least one word. LordMominutiae (talk) 14:09, October 5, 2020 (UTC)
- Fixed—word count at 164. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 07:02, October 5, 2020 (UTC)
UberSoldat
- "...and ambushed the 61st while the battle group was carrying out maintenance." Maintenance where?
- You removed the required context from the first sentence and now the location is no longer established in the opening sentence. You need to elaborate on the "maintenance" part. UberSoldat93
(talk) 13:02, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
- You removed the required context from the first sentence and now the location is no longer established in the opening sentence. You need to elaborate on the "maintenance" part. UberSoldat93
"...but not before one of the X-wings was crippled by a glancing blow." A blow from where?- "The battle group was attacked two more times in the Metatessu sector by the Empire, soon discovering how it was being tracked." Please elaborate on what "it" is referring to here.
- This is still an issue. Unclear as to what "its" is referring to. UberSoldat93 (talk) 13:02, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
- This is still an issue. Unclear as to what "its" is referring to. UberSoldat93
- These objections will most likely push the body above 165 words, so get ready to introduce sectioning. UberSoldat93 (talk) 11:10, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
- All addressed, word count at 164. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 12:37, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
- Ok how does this look? Battle section at 166 words and entire article sitting at 248. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 13:40, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
- Will need "Prelude" and "Aftermath" sections, per Layout Guide. I personally don't see this article staying under 250 words after expanding those sections. UberSoldat93
(talk) 13:46, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
- You are quite right unfortunately, I give you the go ahead to fail this one. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 13:56, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
- Will need "Prelude" and "Aftermath" sections, per Layout Guide. I personally don't see this article staying under 250 words after expanding those sections. UberSoldat93
- Ok how does this look? Battle section at 166 words and entire article sitting at 248. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 13:40, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
- All addressed, word count at 164. Braha'tok enthusiast (Hello there) 12:37, October 8, 2020 (UTC)
