Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/V-Brose

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

V-Brose

  • Nominated by: Trip391 (talk) 03:02, October 21, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. <-Omicron(Leave a message at the BEEP!) 03:11, October 26, 2014 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Winterz (talk) 21:29, November 1, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:37, January 6, 2015 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 22:57, January 10, 2015 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 03:50, January 11, 2015 (UTC)

Object

Exiled Jedi
  • The introduction needs to be expanded.
    • Done
      • The introduction to an article should not be a single sentence.
        • As the body of the article has been expanded, I believe that you should expand the intro some more. You should at least add a sentence mentioning how the encounter was resolved.
          • Added
  • From the information in last three sentences of the biography section, I think you can put together a short personality and traits section. There is easily enough information for two or three sentences.
    • Added
  • "For lying, V-Brose gave them" I'd reword this slightly since they were not actually lying. V-Brose just thought they were.
    • Done
  • Are there any more quotes you can use for the biography section?
  • Does the novel have the full release date in it? If not, you can either shorten it to just the year or find a source that has the full release date.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 18:10, October 28, 2014 (UTC)
    • While Amazon says August 1, 2000, the Essential Reader's Companion only says August 2000, so I shortened it. Trip391 (talk) 01:31, October 29, 2014 (UTC)
  • "When Jedi apprentices Obi-Wan Kenobi and Siri Tachi were on a mission to find a Force-sensitive girl in 44 BBY" Should all of this be sourced to the Reader's Companion?
    • Fixed
  • "After V-Tan relented" Is this supposed to be V-Tarz?
    • Yea. Fixed
  • Currently you start all of the sections with V-Brose except Equipment. Could you try and vary the start of at least one more of the section of the body?
    • Reworded
  • "and would make sure other Benevolent Guides followed its methods as well" From the body, all I can see is that he made sure V-Tarz, who seems to be a Security Guide, followed its methods. It doesn't say anything about him and Benevolent Guides.
    • Should have been Security Guides. Fixed
  • The quote in the P&T mentions that V-Brose and V-Tarz had discussed similar matters before. Could you mention this in the biography?
    • Nothing more was said about what happened before, so to avoid speculation I've taken that part of the quote out
      • Uh, how is taking part of the quote avoiding speculation? I don't see any reason to remove it. While you shouldn't speculate about it, the fact remains that the two of them discussed something related to the discussion in the quote, and this needs to be mentioned somehow.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 05:55, November 6, 2014 (UTC)
        • The text says nothing further about who V-Brose discussed it with before, so the "we" could mean all the Security Guides had a problem with physical force and discussed it, V-Brose and a few other Security Guides noticed a problem and discussed it, or simply just V-Brose and V-Tarz themselves discussed the issue.
          • Okay then, I still think you should add that part of the quote back in. There is no reason to remove it. If there isn't anything to include in the body about the discussion, you should add a sentence to the BTS mentioning that a discussion was mentioned, but that the source did not make it clear who was involved.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 23:13, November 6, 2014 (UTC)
  • In my opinion, it would probably be best to have the main quote be one actually spoken by V-Brose. The exception would be if there was a quote that says something important/significant about V-Brose, but the current main quote doesn't do this either.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 23:07, November 5, 2014 (UTC)
    • Besides the quotes used, the only other things that were said near V-Brose were Obi-Wan and Siri answering V-Brose and V-Tarz; nothing more is said by/about V-Brose. I feel that the two quotes he said are better in the Bio and P&T sections because the Bio quote deals more with the situation at hand while the quote in the P&T shows V-Brose's belief and adherence to The Learning, although I guess the Bio and main quotes could be switched for the same effect. Trip391 (talk) 04:18, November 6, 2014 (UTC)
      • Yeah, I think switching the main quote and the bio quote would be best.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 05:55, November 6, 2014 (UTC)
  • I am rather confused by the first sentence in the biography. I think you are trying to out too much information into one sentence. You mention a group, but I can't figure out what you are referring to. Please rework this.
    • Reworded
  • "As a believer in The Learning established by O-Vieve and V-Tan, V-Brose made sure other Security Guides followed its methods as well." This makes it sound like all believers in The Learning would make sure others followed its methods. If the other guides are believers, then this seems incorrect.
    • Reworded
  • From what I can see in the biography, there is more that you can say about his personality in the P&T.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 18:25, November 22, 2014 (UTC)
  • Why is all of the BTS sourced to the Reader's Companion? I doubt all of that information is in there.
    • Fixed
  • Could you make it clearer where he has the encounter with Kenobi and Tachi in the bio?--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 02:55, December 3, 2014 (UTC)
  • "as a Security Guide, a group that guarded" Unless the "Security Guide" is the name of the group he works with, you shouldn't follow up the singular "Security Guard" position with a clause that describes the group, as "Security Guide" is a singular subject, while a group is talking about multiple individuals.
    • Reworded
  • "that taught The Learning, a curriculum that instructed each Keganite to be dedicated to their planet as well as teaching the students misleading facts about other planets and species in an effort to keep Kegan isolated from the rest of the galaxy." Is there any way you could condense this description down somewhat? It kind of takes away from the flow. If you really feel like you need all of this information in the article, you can give the term a short definition here and then detail his belief system more fully in the P&T.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 06:09, December 15, 2014 (UTC)
    • Reworded and improved flow Trip391 (talk) 06:31, December 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • "After V-Brose arrived and demanded to know what had happened" This makes it sound like V-Brose was called to the scene. Is this the case, or did he just happen upon the scene?--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 21:35, December 29, 2014 (UTC)
    • He just happened to be nearby, so reworded. Trip391 (talk) 04:05, December 30, 2014 (UTC)
SE
  • Can you add some context in the body about what The Learning is?
    • Added?
  • Likewise with the Benevolent Guides.
    • Done
      • Can you clarify what they are a bit more?
        • Clarified
  • V-Brose also demands to know why Kenobi and Tachi were on the ground, this needs to be mentioned.
    • Reworded
      • Still no mention of him demanding it.
        • Done
  • V-Tarz also told V-Brose they were on the ground for resisting capture, not for talking back. The talking back is what Tarz told Kenobi previously. Supreme Emperor (talk) 21:51, November 9, 2014 (UTC)
    • Previous rewording helped with this too Trip391 (talk) 20:01, November 11, 2014 (UTC)
  • I think you should expand the intro a bit.
    • Done
      • Please expand it a bit more. The intro should essentially be a condensed version of the article.
  • Can you give some context on what the General Good is?
    • Done
  • Can you reword the sentence in which you say V-Brose encountered them while they were being punished? I'd like to see a mention of why they were punished here. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:31, November 14, 2014 (UTC)
  • Does the novel specify what V-Brose was doing when he encountered them?
    • No
  • "He demanded to know why V-Tarz had thrown the Jedi to the ground and placed his boot on Kenobi's head," Can you reword this? It sounds like V-Brose placed his boot on Kenobi's head.
    • Reworded
      • It still sounds like it's V-Brose placed his boot on Kenobi's head.
        • Reworded
  • Can you give some context on what a Security Guide is?
    • Done.
  • "and was told it was because the pair had informed V-Tarz" Told by who?
    • Reworded
  • "After V-Tarz explained to V-Brose that the pair were resisting capture, he relented as instructed" Can you clarify which one of them relented? Supreme Emperor (talk) 06:08, November 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • Are O-Vieve and V-Tan relevant to V-Brose? If not, you should cut out the part about them and Benevolent Guides, and just explain that the Learning was a curriculum.
    • Cut
      • I personally don't thing you even need to mention them. Perhaps something like "that taught The Learning, a curriculum that existed on the planet Kegan which was meant to teach each Keganite to be dedicated to their planet, as well as teaching the students misleading facts about other planets and species in an effort to keep Kegan isolated from the rest of the galaxy."
    • Removed
  • Likewise with the part about the General Good, is it relevant to V-Brose in particular? Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:29, November 20, 2014 (UTC)
  • Can you reword the first sentence of the bio? Perhaps "V-Brose was a male Human who served as a Security Guide, a group which guarded the Learning Circle" Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:18, December 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • "V-Brose encountered the pair outside the Learning Circle building" Can you specify which pair was encountered? Also, perhaps you could flip the sentence around so it talks about them being on the ground before detailing how V-Brose encountered them. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:54, December 9, 2014 (UTC)
Cav
  • The last part of the biography is very play by play - V-Brose did this, V-Tarz did that. Try condensing it down to flow better. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 01:37, December 10, 2014 (UTC)
    • Objection(s) overridden by AgriCorps 04:27, January 11, 2015 (UTC)
    • Reworded Trip391 (talk) 03:42, December 10, 2014 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • I would suggest just removing this sentence from the end of the BTS. It's not really adding anything significant or critical. The reader is basically left up to his own devices to interpret it as he will: "While V-Brose mentioned discussing that using physical force to discipline students was in violation of The Learning, the book did not state who V-Brose discussed it with." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 03:28, January 11, 2015 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 04:28, January 11, 2015 (UTC)


Too big to be a CAN, seen here.