Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified wounded Naboo guard 2

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified wounded Naboo guard 2

• Nominated by: Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 03:37, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: "How do I deal with that tank?"

(3 ACs/5 Users/8 Total)

Support

1. Overall good short read. Hanzo Hasashi 04:41, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
2. "Ahhh!! Somebody let all the air out of me! I'm sitting here deflating!!!"--Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 18:33, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
3. Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 11:01, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
4. Clone Commander Lee ^Talk 12:44, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
5. I wanted to do this guy. QuiGonJinn ^(Talk) 14:08, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
6. This was really well-done. Good to see you back with more Battle of Naboo noms. Menkooroo 08:46, October 21, 2011 (UTC)
7. I totally misinterpreted QGJ's comment when I first read it. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 19:24, October 21, 2011 (UTC)
8. Terribly sorry about the delay. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:25, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Trayus

• Can you add some context in the bio on the Trade Federation?
  • How's that? Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 21:17, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
    • Ehhh... that doesn't really tell you anything outside of what's already in there. Maybe something about it being a corporation, and possibly why they invaded. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 09:27, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
      • Added. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 02:52, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
• "This guard appears in the 1999 adaptation of the Episode I movie." —what kind of adaptation? There are several possibilities, so it's best if you specify in this first sentence. Also, if the game is titled Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, you should either specify that as the game's name or write out the full title of the film, so that it's in there somewhere.
  • So specified. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 21:17, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
• Thats all; good work, otherwise. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 18:11, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Thank you. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 21:17, October 18, 2011 (UTC)

Wounding!

• Is there anything you could use for a bio quote? There's nothing intrinsically wrong with using such a large quote before the intro, but when none other are available for the bio, transferring some of the mammoth to the bio might be a good idea.
  • Sure, sure. Moved. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 02:52, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
• Check out all of the links I added. It's difficult to figure out everything one can link to, but take a note and be sure to include these in the future.
• At the end of the intro: "He told Kenobi about the tank" makes it seem like he told Obi-Wan about the existence of the tank, which doesn't seem to be the case.
  • Wording changed. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 02:52, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
• The bio opens identically to the intro, which is intrinsically a bad thing. Try to vary your word choice. Additionally, the bio should open by telling us who this guy is rather than jumping right into his injury --- something like "A Human male was a member of the Royal Naboo Security Forces in 32 BBY blah blah blah" before detailing the events of the battle. For chronology's sake, it's probably a good idea to establish the invasion and the battle before mentioning that the guard fought in it and was injured.
  • How's that? Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 02:52, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
• The changes you made to the opening of the BTS now make it read as if the trooper appears in some sort of unknown adaptation of the Episode I video game.
  • Nixed. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 02:52, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
• Is anybody listed in the credits as playing "Injured soldier #1?"
  • Greg Burson, as a matter of fact. I added that to the BTS
• If he's a Human, we have a category for that. Menkooroo 05:31, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
  • Right, I had forgotten to add that. Your review is much appreciated, thanks. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 02:52, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

Toprawa

• Does the actual on-screen dialogue captions punctuate a period after the "<Sigh.>" in the bio quote? Because it seems unnecessary to place that there if not.
  • It does not, so I removed it. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 19:22, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
• Calling the Trade Federation "greedy" is rather POV, unless you can source this specifically to something: "a greedy galaxy-spanning corporation" Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:07, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
  • Indeed I can, to the Episode I crawl. Is the reference I placed sufficient? And thank you for your review. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 19:22, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
    • That works, except now you need to place an additional reference for the game itself earlier in that sentence to exclude the clause that can only be sourced to the opening crawl. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:52, October 27, 2011 (UTC)
      • Right, added. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 00:35, October 28, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 23:25, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Part of WP:VG. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 03:37, October 17, 2011 (UTC)

• I did several sofixits for you. For one, be sure to copy the current infobox code when creating an article, and you also forgot to source the skin color. Also, you did not link to Padme when you mentioned the Queen of Naboo, I feel like it definitely is necessary to link or pipelink to an individual person when referring to them specifically. Check out R5-J2 for an example of a pipelink to Tiaan Jerjerrod. Also, it is important to know that nowadays all quality articles are supposed to give links to the colors when applicable. It is up to the editor whether to pipelink to Color at the first opportunity (which is what I did for you), or to link to every individual color (so if you want, you can choose instead to change the link to Red). Hanzo Hasashi 04:40, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
  • Much appreciated, Hanzo. I hadn't known about the color. Corellian Premier^{All along the watchtower} 21:24, October 17, 2011 (UTC)