Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified human (Marda Ro)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified human (Marda Ro)

(4 ACs/0 Users/4 Total)

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Support

  1. ACvote Lewisr (talk) 06:47, 5 March 2024 (UTC)
  2. ACvote TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 19:47, 7 March 2024 (UTC)
  3. ACvote —spookywillowwtalk 01:40, 10 March 2024 (UTC)
  4. ACvote ✨ glitter-lit! ✨ OOM 224 (he/him) 17:32, 11 March 2024 (UTC)

Object

Lew
  • Per the layout guide, the section should be biography instead of history:P Lewisr (talk) 06:49, 11 February 2024 (UTC)
  • It should be noted in the biography at least that the message by Marda was recorded Lewisr (talk) 06:49, 11 February 2024 (UTC)
  • I think it should be briefly noted that after he raised the blaster Marda left the public house Lewisr (talk) 06:49, 11 February 2024 (UTC)
  • Pantora being a moon isn't citable to the story itself Lewisr (talk) 06:49, 11 February 2024 (UTC)
  • Missing a relevant gender category Lewisr (talk) 06:49, 11 February 2024 (UTC)
    • Can you point me to the specific line? I checked the section where he appears again and he's only referred to as a human, never just "man" Sanathestarr (talk) 15:31, 12 February 2024 (UTC)
      • I only meant you need to add Category:Individuals of unspecified gender or whichever would apply in the relevant case, in this case the one I linked is the correct Lewisr (talk) 18:54, 12 February 2024 (UTC)
        • Oh right my bad I thought you meant infobox category, fixed Sanathestarr (talk) 19:21, 12 February 2024 (UTC)
          • All good, my apologies if I wasn't clear Lewisr (talk) 06:11, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
  • Should be noted that he was drinking with the Rodian Lewisr (talk) 06:49, 11 February 2024 (UTC)
spookly
  • "Ro sat across the room from them and recognized the human as someone familiar with the Evereni."—I'm not exactly sure how to explain this, but this should optimally be more worded from the perspective of the human. An example would be more reflective of like "The human noticed Ro sitting across from him and the Rodian's table and she noticed his gaze drifting toward her repeatedly." Ro is the PoV character OOU of course for the story, but should generally focus more on whichever character's page it is so that it's 'speaking' from their PoV instead and stay in their headspace.
  • "After telling Ro about the Evereni he saw near Pantora,"—the previous sentence already states that he's told her, can probably just be trimmed off and left as "The human then tipped…"
  • I'm happy to clarify on this after a first pass is made, but there's a bit too much back and forth dialogue. It's not a particularly outstanding case comparative to some noms, but nonetheless something to start honing in on. We generally try to wordsmith a bit to be less play-by-play by not including every line of a conversation while still getting the information across. An easy example to trim a bit of that would be turning "She questioned him about where he would look for Evereni." by merging into the next sentence as one—"After being questioned, the human and his Rodian companion agreed that they would not look for Evereni, though the former recounted his previous interactions with them on Pantora."—essentially, less 'he said' 'she replied' 'then they questioned' 'this was the reply," but also since the space station information is a recounting and the second time it's being introduced to the article reader, it needn't be fully said again.—spookywillowwtalk 20:04, 8 March 2024 (UTC)
    • Oh thanks this helps me a lot, I've been unhappy with my drafts for Alirya because they feel wrong and I couldn't figure out, now it makes sense. (half her scenes are long dialogues so the bio on my workbench looks exactly like that) Does the current version work or should I do further tweaks? Sanathestarr (talk) 20:26, 9 March 2024 (UTC)
      • Yeah for sure; focusing on action vs dialogue will always help; saying they 'conversed about x, y, and x' without the exact lines will always serve well and it's something that comes with practice. The body version worked, but here's a copy-edit; mainly something to be mindful of is to remove details from the intro if they're trimmed from the body so they're not intro-exclusive.—spookywillowwtalk 01:40, 10 March 2024 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 17:32, 11 March 2024 (UTC)